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BudFox
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 07:51 PM
  #21
Sounds very manipulative. Stupidly so.

Therapists are given wide latitude when it comes to manipulative and weird behavior, because it's assumed there is some purpose behind it which will benefit the client. Please. That kind of puppetry model reeks of dysfunction. Hey, let's heal emotional wounds with crazy mind games.
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BudFox
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Default Apr 26, 2019 at 05:03 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I guess I don't see it as an unhealthy kind of manipulation, if indeed it was, because of two things:

1) most destructive manipulation goes something like this (outside therapy, at least I hope): "Sleep with me or I'll break up with you." It's motivated to get something one person doesn't want to give because of the fear it invokes of the punishment from the other. In this case, she manipulated you to see the truth and acknowledge it, that you wanted to stay in therapy. You were the one saying disengenuous things, lying to yourself. I'm not trying to be judgey or critical, just saying, would you have prefered she let you wallow in b.s.?

2. The impact of her words was to help you, not to hurt you. I am lost as to how this could benefit her or how there could be that favorite word, counter transference, involved here. I think her words were more truth than not, because she can't really have a substantial stake in whether you stay in therapy or make progress. I'm sure that is what she wants, because she thinks that it will help you. But the bottom line is that if you want to go, she's got to let you go.

Also, she didn't have to tell you that she knew her words would have the desire effect-- to prompt you to be more open about the truth. This was a level of honesty that she didn't need to up. So she didn't try to "trap" you, as you put it, because traps imply she's trying to cage you up or otherwise harm you, and instead she helped set you free from your own b.s.

However, I also think that it is worthwhile for you to discuss it with her and your upsetness. My guess is your feelings may be prompted by feeling "fooled" by other people in the past. I think you also should connect to your own sense of ownership in the sense that not being straight with your therapist may be more likely to produce these kinds of not-straight responses. You can also say you don't want to be manipulated like this again, as you're the client. But regardless of where you land on what might happen in the future, it seems like a good thing to be thoughtful about how you want to do therapy and what it all means. I think there's a lot to unpack here.
Please tell me this is satire.
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Ashleypenwren
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Default Apr 27, 2019 at 09:26 AM
  #23
Interesting discussion here... I saw her yesterday and brought up how I felt about the exchange. She said it was the fastest way to help me see what I wanted. If I had really wanted to quit, then what she said wouldn't have mattered.

True I guess.

But then we talked about the misunderstanding there... Because I was trying to share how I felt, to discuss and understand it. She thought it would be a faster resolution to just help me go one way or the other - to actually quit or commit. But then said she was surprised by the entire conversation because I'm usually pretty decisive so... Yeah I don't really know. I think I'm just going to leave this issue behind and if it never happens again then ok. If it happens again then I might think about finding someone else.
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Default Apr 27, 2019 at 11:43 AM
  #24
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Originally Posted by Ashleypenwren View Post
She said it was the fastest way to help me see what I wanted. If I had really wanted to quit, then what she said wouldn't have mattered.
Seems like a pretty risky approach to me. Yeah, it "worked" how she had anticipated, but seems like she got pretty lucky to me. Saying what she did could have been disastrous. I also disagree that it wouldn't have mattered if you had wanted to quit. True, it wouldn't have changed the outcome, but her words very well may have had a negative impact on you. I don't think what she did was very well thought out. And what's she in such a hurry for? There's really no need to be so hasty.

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Anne2.0
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Default Apr 27, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by Ashleypenwren View Post
I think I'm just going to leave this issue behind and if it never happens again then ok. If it happens again then I might think about finding someone else.
I think that giving honesty and being straight about where you are in session gets your honesty and straightforwardness in response. You can't necessarily control how your T responds but this was a situation where you weren't playing it straight, so neither was she. You can decide what you're going to do, and you can amp up your end of the honesty in the conversation, and if your T is any good, she will ramp up hers too. I have found that being more honest in therapy moved me forward more than anything else.
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Thanks for this!
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