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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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Apr 27, 2019 at 12:54 PM
#1
That is how I felt about myself Friday when I learned my husband has bladder cancer. I look back on my behaviors and outbursts claiming them to be emotional flashbacks as that is how it all has been explained to me, see them as selfish and hurtful to him. The world needs to evolve around him now and all my bull crap needs to be put on the back burner. Life is not about me and my needs anymore.
I guess therapy sessions will be geared about each crisis that comes along with his cancer surgery and treatments. __________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
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Apr 27, 2019 at 01:12 PM
#2
Sometimes in marriage we do have to prioritize. Long ago, my husband and I sort of jokingly agree that only one of use could be in crisis at a time. But honestly, there has been some truth in that. He and I have both had times when we had to put ourselves a bit aside in order to support the other, stay the calmer and more rational one to deal with the crisis, etc. We had children to continue raising, jobs to continue working, etc. That's the reality of life. We couldn't both be non-functioning at the same time and get through those crises. We couldn't both fall apart at the same time and stay married 32 years. We have had to rise to meet the other in their greater time of need.
I hope you husband's journey through his illness is manageable and that healing comes. Being the spouse during these kinds of serious and prolonged illnesses is incredibly stressful. Take care of you by keeping on with your therapy, but yes, use that time at least partially to discuss the effect of what is going on on you. |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,726
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Apr 27, 2019 at 01:24 PM
#3
I found the one time therapy was not unuseful to be when my person was diagnosed - it was a place to go where I did not have to take care of anyone else about her illness. It was also a place where I could talk about my feelings over the loss of what the future was supposed to look like, the new normal, etc.
Being the partner/spouse/caretaker is stressful - I am sorry to hear about your husband. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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