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Old 04-19-2019, 09:53 AM #1
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Default Manipulated by t?

Have you ever been manipulated by a T? My emdr T who I thought I knew pretty well admitted to manipulating me on Wednesday. She has always been really gentle and kind and I trusted her. I was starting to get attached even, because she was so steady and awesome.

On Wednesday I said I feel like leaving therapy even though I'm not better. I told her I think it's a reaction to getting closer to her. I was reaching out for help. She reacted almost opposite of how she normally would. When I've showed any attachment so far she's been happy, and patient when I alternately pull away, but this time she backed off and said she doesn't care if I terminate, she doesn't care if I lose all my progress, she can't do anything for me at this point.

I fell right into the trap and backtracked and more or less poured my heart out saying I was attached and wanted to stay in therapy and the "pulling away" and discussing the end was just posturing.

Then said said, I know. I did that knowing that it would help you see.



I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. How would you feel?
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:38 AM #2
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

I would not call that manipulating you.

In that case, you were the one to manipulate her - by telling her you want to quit, then backtracking, saying you were "just posturing".

You were not direct in what you were feeling and she merely met you where you were at, or called your bluff. I would not call that manipulating you.
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:51 AM #3
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

I think I would feel confused, and hurt. HUGS Kit
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Old 04-19-2019, 10:53 AM #4
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

I dont know who manipulated who but something feels off about the way your therapist handled things.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:00 AM #5
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
I would not call that manipulating you.

In that case, you were the one to manipulate her - by telling her you want to quit, then backtracking, saying you were "just posturing".

You were not direct in what you were feeling and she merely met you where you were at, or called your bluff. I would not call that manipulating you.
I thought I was direct. I told her what I felt and I also told her I thought it was a reaction to getting closer to her. I do agree she called my bluff and essentially ended it for me, but she knows me at this point and I think she must have seen that I was asking for help, like I said, and not manipulating. I'm not sure what kind of manipulation I would be doing anyway, since I don't like it when she shows verbal affection or her own attachment toward me.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:07 AM #6
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Thatís a kind of response that would make me feel unsafe in the relationship. If sheís not being honest in order to get a reaction from you, I consider that manipulation and game playing. Even if you were engaging in that behavior first. I donít feel like it sets a good example for healthy relationship patterns, regardless of her intention.

I think when a client talks about leaving, itís a therapistís responsibility to say honestly whether they do/donít agree but emphasize that they are there in case they change their mind and will support them with whatever decision they ultimately make. Anything else seems disingenuous, inconsistent, and unstable.

In thinking about it - the scenario reminds me a little bit of abandonment reinactment. Therapist pulls the stable base from under the client, and watches the clientís panicked scramble response to hold on for dear life. At worst, playing into the therapistís own need to be needed.

Last edited by PurpleMirrors3; 04-19-2019 at 11:25 AM.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:28 AM #7
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Hugs i can see why you are so hurt. Her response could of been much better, and not so cut and dry. I don't get why some therapists are that way. You where sharing and she should of supported you, i hope you can talk to her more. Hugs
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:31 AM #8
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Gosh I think I'm probably defensive about this still. I truthfully was not trying to manipulate her. I did not realize she might take it as manipulation. I probably am going to have to bring it up again next week to clear that up. I'm still confused about why she would react like that. It is not our typical way of interacting and felt very out of character for her. Maybe it was just a bad day??
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:36 AM #9
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleypenwren View Post
Gosh I think I'm probably defensive about this still. I truthfully was not trying to manipulate her. I did not realize she might take it as manipulation. I probably am going to have to bring it up again next week to clear that up. I'm still confused about why she would react like that. It is not our typical way of interacting and felt very out of character for her. Maybe it was just a bad day??
Testing is probably a better word, and maybe subconsciously? I donít think testing is a bad thing especially in therapy. Itís a way to feel out another personís reactions and trustworthiness. Especially with people that are purposefully ambiguous and shrouded.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:41 AM #10
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Default Re: Manipulated by t?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleMirrors3 View Post

In thinking about it - the scenario reminds me a little bit of abandonment reinactment. Therapist pulls the stable base from under the client, and watches the clientís panicked scramble response to hold on for dear life. At worst, playing into the therapistís own need to be needed.
Interesting.. I've never heard of that before. Maybe she was having a bad day then. I don't see her as someone who is going to have countertranference issues with me. That is exactly what it felt like though. She pulled the safety line away and I panicked and scrambled. It was worse because I did't know I was playing with fire so to speak.
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