Wrench In My Therapy

Hi everyone I’m new!!! pretty much my first time on any forum actually.

I was wondering if anyone had advice on what I should regarding issues I’m having with my therapist.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about 5 years now. He’s helped me a lot with my symptoms and Id say our therapeutic relationship has been ok so far.
But lately a couple of things have thrown a wrench in the relationship. Overall I feel like he’s just not as sensitive, patient, and humble as he was before. He wouldn’t pressure me to go too fast and seemed to care about how I was feeling but it feels like he’s floating away from me. He’s gotten kind of arrogant, he assumes he knows what I’m thinking and feeling all the time and he’s usually wrong and when I say I’m not he acts confused and sort of this “What do you mean your not” kind of attitude. He keeps sort of arguing with me during our sessions and giving his opinion on stuff which I feel isn’t really appropriate? I know we agree politically but I don’t really want to know that information even if we do agree. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable arguing with him and he told me we weren’t arguing. It makes me feel sort of lost and kind of like I’m losing my mind. I don’t like feeling I can’t trust myself.
A few things occurred that bothered me that involved my sexuality. I’m asexual and somehow my sexuality wasn’t brought up until really recently. I sort of mentioned in passing that I’m not interested in anyone sexually and he kept insinuating that it’s just another issue I have and it’s probably from my trauma (none of it is sexual related at all) and he didn’t think it was permanent. I feel hurt after that cause I was hoping he’d just openly accept it and not try to turn it into a problem since I didn’t see it as one and I’m perfectly content being asexual. Ever since then I’ve had this fear in the back of my mind like what if he tries to fix me or something and I’ve had nightmares about him assaulting me to “cure” me. I don’t think he’d actually do any of that but I feel really anxious in therapy. Our sessions feel really tense now and I don’t talk as much. We had another discussion about my sexuality (unfortunately ) and he at least said “we don’t have to make it pathological” which made me feel a little better but everytime we talk about it it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
I’m a senior in high school and I’m already really sad I’m losing all my friends and teachers and probably won’t talk to a lot of them again. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents so I feel like I’m losing everything. I thought my therapist could be the one person that would help me through this transition but things haven’t been going great.
I feel trapped in my therapy relationship cause I don’t want to be completely alone but I don’t know if I should continue with this therapist if they’re not a fit for me anymore. I guess if I wasn’t making a rough transition I’d try to find a therapist who was more well versed in LGBTQ+ issues but even then a lot of them still don’t know about asexuality. Please help I don’t know what to do I’m so stressed and sad about this happening and I don’t want to feel like I have no support or help anymore. I just wish I could go back to when I first started seeing him.

Hi, welcome to PC.

I would find what you describe very difficult, particularly his rather stark change in attitude since you started seeing him. For me, that change would stir feelings of the inconsistent parenting I received as a child, and I would find it destabilising.

I hear that you've tried to talk to him about being uncomfortable with the arguing, and his response was "we're not arguing". To me, he is invalidating your experience here which is unhelpful and not therapeutic. If you feel that you are arguing, what he thinks about it isn't massively relevant imo.

If I were you, I would tell him how you feel his attitude has changed since you started seeing him. You are paying for a service, and part of his job is to reflect on the feedback you give him. If he continues to deny your experience, I would personally see that as a red flag and move on. To be honest, the fact that you feel like you are losing your mind as a result of his denying your reality sounds a lot like gaslighting is happening, and if he doesn't realise what he is doing and change it immediately, I think leaving is important for your wellbeing. Gaslighting is an abusive behaviour, whether he is aware he is doing it or not.

If you think a therapist who better understands your asexuality would be better for you, I think it would be good to search for someone who can meet those needs.

Good luck, I hope you can find what you need from therapy.