Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

Still in love with you.

T3

I guess you won't be the t i need. I'm sorry I bothered you. This is s record though, usually I'm too much after a few months at least

Definitely not gonna reach out anymore. Sorry again, loads of regrets on my end. I ruin everything

I do miss you, you know. I'm sorry I didn't know how to stop wanting more of you than I could have. I wish I could figure it out because we made an awesome team.

14 hours later until I wake up to go see you

Dear old t,

So Friday will officially be our last session then now that I will have seen new t for a fourth session on Thursday. I'm happy to be moving on because I think it's for the best but I struggle with change so I hope I adjust okay.

-Butterfly

I feel better now that we’ve booked our first session back in September.

T, I’m so scared to read your message back to me.

I am going to wear grey tomorrow to match your foggy insight and dulled awareness.

Dear former T: when I say "my T" I still think of you. You will always have that title. HUGS Kit

Dear former T: I wish you were still my real T so I could call you regarding me being SUI. IRL no one to talk to. Kit

This is me too. I can't even use the word former.

Dear M,

Oh my goodness...where do I begin? I met you today for the first time, after months of half-hearted searches for a therapist whom I could connect with. It's a bit of a drive to your office in the next city but at this point I don't care anymore. My very first impression of you was that you were young, cute and friendly. I loved your office space - it was modern and cozy and I can totally get on board with the white noise machines you have to drown out the sound from clients in the neighboring rooms. Though I liked you off the bat, what sold me was the way you sat in your chair. Something about how you sat cross-legged put me at ease and made me instantly comfortable with you. I liked that we spent as much time chatting as we did discussing legitimate details about my history. You asked me about my past experiences with therapy, medication and mental health issues. I actually prefer this, rather than sitting down for the first time with a therapist just for them to start right away with "so what brings you here?" I struggle with vulnerability and you managed to ease me into discussing painful topics. I appreciate that. I am SO excited to begin working with you, especially when it comes to my attachment issues, relationship history and other tough subjects. Usually at the beginning of the therapy process, the thought of crying in front of a therapist makes me cringe. Not this time. I haven't felt this way about a therapist since I was a teenager. I thought I'd never find a T like the ones I had back then. I hope you'll prove me wrong.

We agreed to weekly sessions but the receptionist told me you're booked solid next week. Ugh...this is going to be a long two weeks! Thank you so much for giving me something to look forward to.

And for those reading this who know a bit about my history...yes, I am fully aware that I am transferring my insecure attachment from my ex-boyfriend onto my therapist. But at least she won't up and leave when she realizes how "clingy" I am.

If there's anything at all I'm unsure of, it's that she is pretty young...around 30. I'm 24. I would never see a therapist within a couple years of my age because the thought of being so open with someone who could be one of my peers makes me uncomfortable. Can anyone relate? I'm hoping it won't be an issue down the road. I depend on the therapist to be older/wiser than I am - something about this puts me at ease.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

I am finally, after almost two years, where I need to be in this relationship. Thank you.

Thank you for coming through, T. Thank you so much...

I'm already crying and I don't see you for almost a week.... Ugh. This does not bode well for my next appointment.

It’s feeling a bit like one step forward, two steps back.

Dear Info,

You make no sense. First, you say you want to see me before you leave to speak at a conference. Then, when I write back that time and date is fine, you’ve already booked it and have nothing else?

Since I didn’t want to see you, I’m OK with that. But I wonder if you just wanted me to know you were presenting at a conference in the vain hope of impressing me?

ATAT

You're asking me to give up the most effective coping mechanism I've had.
You're asking me to give up the thing that I turn to when my own mind is unbearable.
You're asking me to give up the one constant, the one thing that's been there with me since this whole thing started,

I was all alone and it was the only thing I had.
You're asking me to give up something that feels like part of who I am.

It's there for me the 166 hours a week that you aren't. It was there for me before you. It was there for me when you abandoned me. It will be there for me even if you abandon me again.

Do you have any idea what you're asking of me?

Me too. That is why I still say T and Emdr T. Even though it has been almost a year she is always be my T.

Fighting the tremendous urge to run away.