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Member
Spirit of Trees
is still here
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 189
111 hugs
given |
#783
Despite my efforts to think of my mental illness like a medical issue, I still can't help feeling as though my depression/anxiety is a moral failure.
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atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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Member
kaleidoscopeheart
just is.
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 333
77 hugs
given |
#785
Dear T,
I hate that I feel as though you are the only person who will listen to me. Sometimes I just want to be heard and acknowledged in my real life. It sucks that the only one willing to listen is someone I have to pay to do it. I am counting down the days until I finally get a voice again. |
Anonymous56789, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Poohbah
Anastasia~
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 1,019
5,296 hugs
given |
#786
I can't remember what I did today. I lost my purse. I don't know where I went so I could go back and backtrack to find it. My H got angry and was yelling at me because I was stressed because I lost my purse. My D is worried and I am worried about her. I am sick of behaving the way I have been behaving, it is as if it comes and goes. : I had no choice to leave work. I was stressed and paranoid and it wouldn't stop. So I quit. My behavior is exploding and I am ashamed. I don't know who I have become. I am really trying and really failing miserably. I didn't quit because I was lazy, I quit because of my mental illness. I was hoping I could have a somewhat regular life. But now, my H has no patience for me when I forget things, etc. I will not write frantically to my T anymore, as long as I remember this. I have definitely regressed and I have no idea how to get better. I have a few of the most shameful things, borderline personality disorder and regression. I can't say that I have been any lower than this point. I am someone that I hate. And I can't change it. I can't be who and what other people want me to be, including me. I don't see anything in my future. I have felt like a good person because of my therapist and daughter. And sometimes long ago my H. I have always wanted to live a life where I help people and make the world a better place, but I have social anxiety and borderline personaity, so I've given as much as I can. I don't see a happy ending to this story. We shalll see.
__________________ |
LonesomeTonight, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnate
Echos Myron redux
is vaccinated
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,157
1,833 hugs
given |
#788
Happy fathers day. I would like to say that to you via email, but it ended up causing a major rupture last year, so I will just sit here and feel a bit sad about that instead.
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, WarmFuzzySocks
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Tweaky Dog
LostOnTheTrail
has no updates.
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,773
3,103 hugs
given |
#789
Grateful that I see you tomorrow. Can we get that important conversation out of the way first...please?
__________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
has no updates.
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695
(SuperPoster!)
74.8k hugs
given |
#790
Dear T,
I know my "thanks for today's session, I'm doing better now and I think I'll be OK till Monday" email Friday wasn't one that may have seemed like it needed a reply. And it's the weekend. But I guess I thought you'd at least say "Glad it helped" or something. Like that's all I would have wanted, a few words in reply. But maybe you don't want to encourage me to send those types of emails? You just seemed worried about me when I left still upset, and I kind of wanted to put your mind at ease. Which maybe I did, you just don't have to acknowledge it. If you don't reply before session Monday, I won't say anything, because, it didn't really need a reply. It just would have been nice. But it's not worth using my time to discuss it or risking some sort of conflict. Because it's really not that big of a deal. Which is why I'm typing this here instead of saying it to you. Just getting the thoughts out of my head. Happy Father's Day! Love, LT |
Anonymous56789
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Grand Magnate
DP_2017
has no updates.
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
665 hugs
given |
#791
I wish I could text you or hold you or make you laugh today. I know you miss your dad and you will be in my thoughts all day. I miss you like crazy. Therapy is like a pointless waste of time without you
__________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Lrad123
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
372 hugs
given |
#792
This might be the first vacation you’ve taken where I don’t feel angry or like quitting. I do feel a little bummed about not seeing you this week though and I feel a bit embarrassed and selfish about feeling that way.
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Lrad123
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
372 hugs
given |
#793
I don’t miss my father and we weren’t particularly close, but I still cringe inside just a little when I see all the Father’s Day stuff on social media. I think it just makes me a teensy bit sad for what I never had.
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LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Lemoncake
Adult female human
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,646
(SuperPoster!)
10.1k hugs
given |
#794
I want to come back.
I want to come back. I want to come back. I want to come back. I haven't emailed you an almost father's day message this year but I think the main thing you've taught me was that I didn't have to be nice or better than I really was. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Anonymous43207, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Anastasia~
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 1,019
5,296 hugs
given |
#795
I am so crazy. I am going to take a nap because I can't do much of anything and then plan a trip to the hospital. I dread it due to social anxiety. I am horrified because I have lost my purse, my ID, everything. I am so frantic and at the same time I desperately need to sleep and at the same time I can't sleep. If I don't do something soon, I might never come back from insanity. My family doesn't yet know this. Frantic doesn't begin to describe it. My H wants me to be fine, but I'm not. He cleaned my room today because I can't do anything. I am so lost. I am not myself. This is just excruciatingly devastating to me. I can't just be who I am. Because I have all of these mental illnesses taking hold.
Stupidly, one thing that would help if I could find my purse. It has my drivers license, credit cards that I should be cancelling,, I have to go to DMV which I have zero tolerance for. I really wish I could find this so the pressure/stress would be relieved. I am so broken. __________________ |
Anonymous43207, LonesomeTonight, Spirit of Trees, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
Anonymous43207
has no updates.
Edit
Posts: n/a
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#796
I am thinking about it.
I have also been thinking a lot about that ego stuff you were telling me about. Am still not quite understanding but that's ok. I think my book should come tomorrow, so I will be spending some time reading that too. Last edited by Anonymous43207; Jun 16, 2019 at 03:07 PM.. |
LonesomeTonight
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Member
darkestpart
formerly twistedangel00
Member Since: May 2017
Location: US
Posts: 65
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#797
t,
i’m so confused. really, really confused. me __________________ Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. |
Anonymous56789, LonesomeTonight
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Member
kaleidoscopeheart
just is.
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 333
77 hugs
given |
#800
I'm teetering on the edge of depression again. This sucks. I wish you could make it go away.
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LonesomeTonight
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