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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 06:12 PM
  #781
I am lost and alone
 
 
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 06:52 PM
  #782
I hate you people you pull us in **** with our heads and then when it gets hard you kick us off, every single time.
 
 
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 09:49 PM
  #783
Despite my efforts to think of my mental illness like a medical issue, I still can't help feeling as though my depression/anxiety is a moral failure.
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 10:20 PM
  #784
I'm thinking about it.
 
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 03:11 AM
  #785
Dear T,

I hate that I feel as though you are the only person who will listen to me. Sometimes I just want to be heard and acknowledged in my real life. It sucks that the only one willing to listen is someone I have to pay to do it. I am counting down the days until I finally get a voice again.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 03:21 AM
  #786
I can't remember what I did today. I lost my purse. I don't know where I went so I could go back and backtrack to find it. My H got angry and was yelling at me because I was stressed because I lost my purse. My D is worried and I am worried about her. I am sick of behaving the way I have been behaving, it is as if it comes and goes. : I had no choice to leave work. I was stressed and paranoid and it wouldn't stop. So I quit. My behavior is exploding and I am ashamed. I don't know who I have become. I am really trying and really failing miserably. I didn't quit because I was lazy, I quit because of my mental illness. I was hoping I could have a somewhat regular life. But now, my H has no patience for me when I forget things, etc. I will not write frantically to my T anymore, as long as I remember this. I have definitely regressed and I have no idea how to get better. I have a few of the most shameful things, borderline personality disorder and regression. I can't say that I have been any lower than this point. I am someone that I hate. And I can't change it. I can't be who and what other people want me to be, including me. I don't see anything in my future. I have felt like a good person because of my therapist and daughter. And sometimes long ago my H. I have always wanted to live a life where I help people and make the world a better place, but I have social anxiety and borderline personaity, so I've given as much as I can. I don't see a happy ending to this story. We shalll see.

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 05:08 AM
  #787
Happy Father's Day
 
 
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 05:11 AM
  #788
Happy fathers day. I would like to say that to you via email, but it ended up causing a major rupture last year, so I will just sit here and feel a bit sad about that instead.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 05:14 AM
  #789
Grateful that I see you tomorrow. Can we get that important conversation out of the way first...please?

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Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

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'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 07:04 AM
  #790
Dear T,
I know my "thanks for today's session, I'm doing better now and I think I'll be OK till Monday" email Friday wasn't one that may have seemed like it needed a reply. And it's the weekend. But I guess I thought you'd at least say "Glad it helped" or something. Like that's all I would have wanted, a few words in reply. But maybe you don't want to encourage me to send those types of emails? You just seemed worried about me when I left still upset, and I kind of wanted to put your mind at ease. Which maybe I did, you just don't have to acknowledge it. If you don't reply before session Monday, I won't say anything, because, it didn't really need a reply. It just would have been nice. But it's not worth using my time to discuss it or risking some sort of conflict. Because it's really not that big of a deal. Which is why I'm typing this here instead of saying it to you. Just getting the thoughts out of my head.

Happy Father's Day!
Love,
LT
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 07:25 AM
  #791
I wish I could text you or hold you or make you laugh today. I know you miss your dad and you will be in my thoughts all day. I miss you like crazy. Therapy is like a pointless waste of time without you

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 07:34 AM
  #792
This might be the first vacation you’ve taken where I don’t feel angry or like quitting. I do feel a little bummed about not seeing you this week though and I feel a bit embarrassed and selfish about feeling that way.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 10:00 AM
  #793
I don’t miss my father and we weren’t particularly close, but I still cringe inside just a little when I see all the Father’s Day stuff on social media. I think it just makes me a teensy bit sad for what I never had.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 11:23 AM
  #794
I want to come back.
I want to come back.
I want to come back.
I want to come back.



I haven't emailed you an almost father's day message this year but I think the main thing you've taught me was that I didn't have to be nice or better than I really was.

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 11:30 AM
  #795
I am so crazy. I am going to take a nap because I can't do much of anything and then plan a trip to the hospital. I dread it due to social anxiety. I am horrified because I have lost my purse, my ID, everything. I am so frantic and at the same time I desperately need to sleep and at the same time I can't sleep. If I don't do something soon, I might never come back from insanity. My family doesn't yet know this. Frantic doesn't begin to describe it. My H wants me to be fine, but I'm not. He cleaned my room today because I can't do anything. I am so lost. I am not myself. This is just excruciatingly devastating to me. I can't just be who I am. Because I have all of these mental illnesses taking hold.

Stupidly, one thing that would help if I could find my purse. It has my drivers license, credit cards that I should be cancelling,, I have to go to DMV which I have zero tolerance for. I really wish I could find this so the pressure/stress would be relieved.

I am so broken.

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 11:52 AM
  #796
I am thinking about it.

I have also been thinking a lot about that ego stuff you were telling me about. Am still not quite understanding but that's ok.

I think my book should come tomorrow, so I will be spending some time reading that too.

Last edited by Anonymous43207; Jun 16, 2019 at 03:07 PM..
 
 
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 12:36 PM
  #797
t,

i’m so confused. really, really confused.

me

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 06:41 PM
  #798
Thanks for returning my emails and being so accepting of my father's day wishes to you. i had a hard time with the holiday and also being jealous but am happy you had a good weekend with your children.
 
 
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 09:40 PM
  #799
ExT I can't get into contact with my parts I can't even feel them when I go in deeper it's like a empty hall in my head and terribly lonely. I wish you could do something but you won't. Your the only T that does parts work.
 
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 11:16 PM
  #800
I'm teetering on the edge of depression again. This sucks. I wish you could make it go away.
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