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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,731
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#901
Dear T,
Maybe I'm also bothered that you seemed to forget a few things today. Like when you asked me if we had a dog, when a few weeks ago we spent at least 15 minutes discussing the fact that we have no pets and were contemplating getting one. And I've told you the story of the dog we briefly adopted before. Or you asking me if I was still doing running, when we had a conversation about that a few weeks (maybe a month or two?) ago, how I realized it's not my thing, plus it's not like I ever ran, just walked, though you'd call it "running" and I'd just go with it sometimes. And I checked that I did in fact send the email to you about getting an appointment with backup T, when today you seemed like it was the first time you'd heard of it (I don't care that you didn't reply to the email, was just an FYI, but I figured you'd at least read it and recall it a few days later?). Perhaps you do just need a vacation... Love, LT |
LabRat27, Lemoncake
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#902
I'm really not enjoying this. Please help me.
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LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#903
Dear T: I did the yoga video (well most of it) tonight that you suggested. It helped a tiny bit with the anxiety while I was doing it. Not so much after. Alcohol is helping with that bit. I want to feel okay again. It feels like I never will.
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atisketatasket, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Anonymous45127
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,412
6 665 hugs
given |
#904
t3
I officially survived the most AKWARD therapy convo of my life. I nearly died a few times, but thank you for being kind and for pushing me to make eye contact with you. I really needed it. Thank you for not judging me. I will try not to keep shaming myself over it. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love. |
Anonymous42961, LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Lrad123, WarmFuzzySocks
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
given |
#905
I'm scared to meet with you again. I hate that. I hate being so afraid. Then I run and hide in porn. I've been running a lot, I need to stop. But how can I??!
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Anonymous42961, atisketatasket, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
given |
#906
I'm feeling close to you right now, especially after this most recent session. I think that means it's time to sabotage things, right?
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Anonymous42961, atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 1,019
6 5,296 hugs
given |
#907
I am SO intensely ANGRY at you. You went away forever. I realize the problem is within me, I have attachment issues. But it was excruciating and my job was to 'tolerate' how I felt. So, I felt abandoned and then I got angry at myself because it doesn't make sense for me to be angry at you. But the thing is, I am realizing, is that I still do get enraged/angry but I stuff it down. So, I told you it felt ilke you were torturing me, or not keeping me in mind Intellectually, I totally get it. But emotionally I am a wreck. I feel as low as I have ever. Because this is just not going away. I have the worst headaches everyday. I am struggling at home and it isn't getting better. I have been looking at codependent stuff like you told me.
I don't have any hope anymore. And I just don't care. I am not suicidal, but if euthenasia were an option, I one hundred percent would choose that now. I am not getting this across to you somehow how unsafe I feel, how horrible I feel. __________________ |
Anonymous42961, atisketatasket, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 1,009
6 2,354 hugs
given |
#908
Possible trigger:
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Anonymous42961, atisketatasket, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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Anonymous45127
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Magnet
Member Since Jun 2017
Location: in the garden
Posts: 2,307
6 15.5k hugs
given |
#909
I weeded my garden when I got home, and suddenly you popped into my head, a memory of the end of a session a long time ago.
"Be fearless," you said then, and again today in my head when I weeded the garden. I didn't think finding my voice would be quite this painful, but maybe it's a good thing that I've waited this long and that I chose this path, because I was able to be clear and measured and true. __________________ Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into closer connection with you. (St. Augustine) |
Anonymous42961, atisketatasket, LabRat27, unaluna
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LonesomeTonight
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#910
ExT a large you shaped cloud hung over me all day it threatened to rain on me several times.
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LabRat27, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,691
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#911
20 hours, 32 minutes and 9 seconds.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#912
i really wish i had asked you for a 2nd session this week. i am an emotional wreck right now. i don't really know why i'm not handling things better.
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,691
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#913
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,691
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#914
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,731
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#915
Quote:
Agreed. You're going through a lot right now, it makes sense to be emotional. Maybe see if she has something today or Friday, in addition to Thursday? Or if you could possibly have a longer session Thursday? (I thought I recalled her allowing that, but maybe not?) |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,731
(SuperPoster!)
9 74.9k hugs
given |
#916
Dear T,
Thanks for being so understanding in your response. I'm glad you seem to get it and don't think I'm pathetic or anything. You're right that this is mainly about holding onto the attachment, which is something I struggle to do with most anyone, not just you. And I'm glad that you don't expect me to be there just yet. I feel I'll be able to get there, just need patience. And perhaps we can put some more focus on that issue in general, the holding of attachment to people. Love you, LT |
Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: CO
Posts: 2,305
10 871 hugs
given |
#917
Quote:
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,734
6 542 hugs
given |
#918
I reached out to a possible new therapist.
I feel like I'm betraying you. But I don't know what else to do. |
LonesomeTonight
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Anonymous45127
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#919
T: i did it. i talked to my boss for a bit today. i most likely am not getting fired, which is good. she knows for sure i’d rather be assistant. i guess we’ll see how it goes from here. we’re going to talk after the 4th. eek.
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LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Anonymous45127
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 2,157
6 1,833 hugs
given |
#920
Well I raised my voice to you today for the first time ever. How was that for you?
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Anonymous42961, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Anonymous45127
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Closed Thread |
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