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Lemoncake
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Default May 18, 2019 at 11:57 PM
  #461
I hate feeling so needy.

I want to see you.
I don't want to see you.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 11:55 AM
  #462
I just don't want to get all sucked in again. Maybe I shouldn't call.
 
 
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:05 PM
  #463
Still missing you.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  #464
T, I have no idea how to handle tomorrow. You could have reached out to me this weekend...
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:57 PM
  #465


Ya broke your own rule of not replying on the weekends.

But yay tuesday session!

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Last edited by Lemoncake; May 19, 2019 at 02:52 PM..
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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:54 PM
  #466
After my son nearly fainting in the hospital I did some thinking and research. I suspect what happened at our last appointment was a other way of disassociating. But why did just one sentence on a topic cause it with no warning signs? Why does it keep happening? Why does the way it happens keep changing? I am getting really frustrated. I am sure you are too. I am afraid you are going to want to refer me to somebody else. I couldn't handle that so please dont.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 05:59 PM
  #467
T who isn't my T,
Sorry I didn't know what to say in response to your reply so I just haven't replied. Plus I feel bad for using your time.
I'm still thinking about what you said Wednesday though.
I hope I'll see you this Wednesday even if you're not running the meeting this week.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 07:03 PM
  #468
I feel stupid crying for your attention like I used to cry for my mums. It hurts.
 
 
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Default May 20, 2019 at 11:12 AM
  #469
Former T's, aren't you sweet! All 3 of you sent me birthday wishes. What a surprise! Not expected; certainly not necessary; completely kind.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 12:30 PM
  #470
Dear T: I had a dream I was in a mental hospital. Only I was a child, not an adult, and I was crying, and you comforted me. What the heck was that about? Kit

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Default May 20, 2019 at 01:35 PM
  #471
I am completely aware of what I do wrong. Always. I have nowhere to hide from myself.

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Last edited by Anastasia~; May 20, 2019 at 03:03 PM..
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Default May 20, 2019 at 02:24 PM
  #472
Dear T,
So...all that male authority figure stuff? I feel some of that for you, too. I have assorted fantasies about it. I don’t know if it’s OK to tell you. It would be useful for the therapy. But would you personalize it too much? It’s about who’s you are to me, not about *you*. I’m just not sure how to explain that. You’re like an archetype or something. Maybe it’s worth trying? I feel I’m doing a mental cost-benefit analysis...
Good session, just lots left to discuss.
Love,
LT
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Default May 20, 2019 at 02:47 PM
  #473
Not a good day. 3.25 hours.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 02:48 PM
  #474
I still haven't decided if I am going to call you today or not.
 
 
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Default May 20, 2019 at 03:53 PM
  #475
Dear T: I am pleased with myself for asking proactively for an extra session this week because I feel I have something big to discuss. I did not mean to communicate I was in a crisis, though I can understand why you might have interpreted it that way. I do wonder, though, how many times I can circle the same historical issue before it circles the drain. Am I doomed to a lifetime of this repeating that emerges every time I have a positive life change? And I also get why I might have avoided relationships for these past years because people push my buttons, so does intimacy. I think this stuff might be worth it. I'll see. But meanwhile I'd like to move closer to resolution on this. Please help me make it happen.
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Angry May 20, 2019 at 04:26 PM
  #476
You are a jerk. You left me hanging during EMDR today. I think I will cancel Thursday's session then I won't have to see you until next Thursday. I need a break from you.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 04:49 PM
  #477
I guess I'm not going to call today. I want to but I don't want to. Dammit.
 
 
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Default May 20, 2019 at 05:35 PM
  #478
Dear T,
Tonight is a sign of why I'm not ready to cut back on sessions. But I don't want to share too much of my thoughts. I'll be safe.
Love you,
LT
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Default May 20, 2019 at 05:49 PM
  #479
Dear T:
Possible trigger:
I don't know if I can. I want to just sit here, zone out, and dissociate my way through the days. Never mind the
Possible trigger:
It's like can't I just feel like this any other time? This will have been my first big relapse with you. I wonder how you're going to deal with it. I know you said in the beginning that it's not about you. And it's not. But your response matters. Your lack of response might matter too. I hope you don't have nothing to say. I hope you have something helpful to say. I guess see you Saturday for better or for worse. Kit

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Default May 20, 2019 at 06:24 PM
  #480
Dear T,

I want to be able to cry in front of you tomorrow morning. I want you to finally get it.

-c
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