Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

ChickenNoodleSoup · May 24, 2019 at 08:37 PM

Went to my buddy's graduation ceremony, got drunk and probably embarrassed myself as well as annoyed him... and I can't talk to you til Monday. I'm scared.

May 24, 2019 at 09:12 PM

I don't know what to think anymore, exT

May 24, 2019 at 10:06 PM

I really want to hate you but I can't seem to do it. But I have lost faith in you at the same time.

LabRat27 · 03:10 AM

You addressed almost everything I wanted you to address, but I don't think you picked up on how significant the idea of CBT vs not CBT was. I didn't want to use the psychodynamic word even though you've used it before.

What did you think of what I told you about T who isn't my T? I couldn't tell if you knew who he was. I felt weird about telling you something so personal of his. But I know he'd be completely fine with it.
I didn't mention the hug though. It was relevant, but it would feel weird to talk to you about a hug from another T. Even though he's not my T so it's different.

LostOnTheTrail · May 25, 2019 at 02:05 AM

Cried this morning because I can't go to work. Stupid body, stupid brain. It's not fair that work is my safe place. I don't understand it at all.

LabRat27 · May 25, 2019 at 11:07 AM

I think I figured out what I'm doing for my homework assignment of finding something fun to do this weekend.

Only problem is it is something I am absolutely not telling you about. I have no idea whether you'd approve (you'd certainly have some questions and reservations), but more importantly it's just something I would rather die than have a conversation with you about.

Lemoncake · 01:35 PM

Pharma Exam on tuesday.
Flight back back to London on wens
Leave for here on sunday with kid sister in tow.
Take her to her registration thing for my school on the 5th,
Do urology exam on the 6th.
Flight back to London on the 7th to drop her off.
Come back here again- not decided yet.
Derma exam on the 14th.

So where do I fit you in?

P.s I wonder if you were actually one of the 1,130 people arrested for protesting- can totally picture it though.

NP_Complete · May 25, 2019 at 02:01 PM

I feel like we've opened up this big box of pain recently. I want to get it away from me, but I can't even figure out how to put the lid back on.

Possible trigger:

I'm having fantasies of violently killing myself this weekend. Should I tell you that tomorrow when we do our phone check-in?

May 25, 2019 at 06:44 PM

ExT i have reread yor letter to me several times I am beginning to see your care and concern for me, or maybe it's something I am wanting to see. I am crying again now

Lemoncake · May 25, 2019 at 11:35 PM

I could meet you on friday in person at my normal time when i go back, but i'm actually just scared to. It makes it more real sitting in front of you rather than when there's miles between us.

I dreamt of you last night. You were playing with me and my sister in the snow outside my house and pulling us along a red sledge.

May 25, 2019 at 11:55 PM

I would like you to visit my dreams tonight, please.

LostOnTheTrail · May 26, 2019 at 02:58 AM

Feeling overwhelmed and stuck in place after yesterday's...experience.

Still waiting to hear from them, so not trying to be awkward with that conversation that I know we need to have.

I don't want to deal in metaphor, but I don't want to deal with what is. Where does that leave me?

LonesomeTonight · May 26, 2019 at 06:41 AM

Dear T,
Had a dream last night where I learned that ex-MC had died. And I was really upset about it, because then I felt I'd never be able to truly resolve things. You were working in the same office as him, and I recall thinking I'd never see him come out in the waiting room and joke about things with me again. And, then it continued when I fell back to sleep. I know I met with you at some point, but don't recall what we talked about. Randomly, for some reason, I knew that you were going to put up lots of Christmas decorations in your office--and one of my friends was going to help you? Not sure what that part was about. But mostly a bunch of sadness about ex-MC. To the point that I want to search obits to make sure he didn't actually die.

Wish I was seeing you on our usual day, tomorrow, instead of Monday, but you totally deserve a day off, so enjoy!
Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · May 26, 2019 at 12:21 PM

Dear T,
The smiley in your email reply meant more to me than any words could have, I think. So, thank you.

Love,
LT

atisketatasket · May 26, 2019 at 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Dear T,
Had a dream last night where I learned that ex-MC had died. And I was really upset about it, because then I felt I'd never be able to truly resolve things. You were working in the same office as him, and I recall thinking I'd never see him come out in the waiting room and joke about things with me again. And, then it continued when I fell back to sleep. I know I met with you at some point, but don't recall what we talked about. Randomly, for some reason, I knew that you were going to put up lots of Christmas decorations in your office--and one of my friends was going to help you? Not sure what that part was about. But mostly a bunch of sadness about ex-MC. To the point that I want to search obits to make sure he didn't actually die.

Wish I was seeing you on our usual day, tomorrow, instead of Monday, but you totally deserve a day off, so enjoy!
Love,
LT

Christmas=new hope, new relationship with a new therapist (Dr T), death of the old world as represented by MC

LonesomeTonight · May 26, 2019 at 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Christmas=new hope, new relationship with a new therapist (Dr T), death of the old world as represented by MC

That makes a lot of sense, thanks.

Also, in the dream, the timelines were all weird (as happens in dreams), and ex-MC died a week after his wife (him, which was right around Christmas, actually). And I really feel my reaction to that (like, how I reacted to him, how he wasn't going to tell us, etc.) sort of started the downfall of our relationship, even though the big rupture didn't happen till nearly a year later. But maybe I'm reading too much into it...

kaleidoscopeheart · May 26, 2019 at 01:45 PM

Dear T,

I'm struggling today.

Big time.

I wish I could see you or talk to you or reach out to you. I miss you a lot right now.

Lemoncake · May 26, 2019 at 02:04 PM

Didn't send that second email asking for friday's session.

I don't think I can face you.

May 26, 2019 at 02:10 PM

I had a weird dream last night but you weren't in it. Oh well!

Lemoncake · May 26, 2019 at 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That makes a lot of sense, thanks.

Also, in the dream, the timelines were all weird (as happens in dreams), and ex-MC died a week after his wife (him, which was right around Christmas, actually). And I really feel my reaction to that (like, how I reacted to him, how he wasn't going to tell us, etc.) sort of started the downfall of our relationship, even though the big rupture didn't happen till nearly a year later. But maybe I'm reading too much into it...

I think dreams tell us huge clues, and it's not just you overthinking it.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

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ChickenNoodleSoup Grand Poohbah Member Since Apr 2017 Location: In a land far far away Posts: 1,574 7 1,304 hugs given	May 24, 2019 at 08:37 PM #541 Went to my buddy's graduation ceremony, got drunk and probably embarrassed myself as well as annoyed him... and I can't talk to you til Monday. I'm scared.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 24, 2019 at 09:12 PM #542 I don't know what to think anymore, exT

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 24, 2019 at 10:06 PM #543 I really want to hate you but I can't seem to do it. But I have lost faith in you at the same time.

NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,804 7 6,349 hugs given	May 25, 2019 at 02:01 PM #548 I feel like we've opened up this big box of pain recently. I want to get it away from me, but I can't even figure out how to put the lid back on. Possible trigger: I'm having fantasies of violently killing myself this weekend. Should I tell you that tomorrow when we do our phone check-in?

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 25, 2019 at 06:44 PM #549 ExT i have reread yor letter to me several times I am beginning to see your care and concern for me, or maybe it's something I am wanting to see. I am crying again now

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	May 25, 2019 at 11:55 PM #551 I would like you to visit my dreams tonight, please.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,731 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 12:21 PM #554 Dear T, The smiley in your email reply meant more to me than any words could have, I think. So, thank you. Love, LT

kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 01:45 PM #557 Dear T, I'm struggling today. Big time. I wish I could see you or talk to you or reach out to you. I miss you a lot right now.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 02:04 PM #558 Didn't send that second email asking for friday's session. I don't think I can face you. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	May 26, 2019 at 02:10 PM #559 I had a weird dream last night but you weren't in it. Oh well!