Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

LabRat27 · May 26, 2019 at 05:21 PM

****. We should probably talk about this. But it's mortifying. We've barely ever talked about sex and never in any detail, and to go from that to this...
I really hope you know background about this stuff so I don't have to explain the basic concepts
surely you must, right?

Possible trigger:

I'm realizing I'd find it even more mortifying to explain aftercare than to explain what precedes it
probably says something about my issues with intimacy, right?

I have no idea whether you'll see this as healthy or unhealthy for me to be using as a coping mechanism. I don't even know my own opinion. But I just finished the visit with my father and I feel okay and I don't want to hurt myself, so it helped...

May 26, 2019 at 05:32 PM

I don't know if you know it but we often skirt around this stuff, you are probably my main attachment figure now. I think about telling you about my day or all the stuff and for the first time in the 4 years of seeing you I actually want to vent this stuff to you to then feel better. I am also telling you stuff I tell my friends but felt too embarrassed to tell you. Well not the sex and dating part of my life but the other stuff.
I wish you would tell me what you really think of me. Because although I feel attached I don't think we have ever bonded. You don't really get my humour and I find yours awkward. I know I'll miss you

NP_Complete · May 26, 2019 at 06:53 PM

Thank you for the call today. It was helpful to talk to you. I think I may need to remind you, though, that if I found it easy to believe that the mean things people said to me weren't really about me, then I probably wouldn't need therapy. I'm sorry if I frustrated you. I'm sorry that you're worried about me. I don't want to burden you that way.

LonesomeTonight · May 26, 2019 at 07:07 PM

Dear T,
My dream led me to do something stupid (I'm safe). Damn it. I miss you so much. A 3-word response with a smiley can only do so much--it meant a lot to me but can only do so much.
Love,
LT

Lrad123 · May 26, 2019 at 08:06 PM

I think I post on PC when I’m wanting connection from you. I can’t get it through email, so whatevs.

sophiebunny · May 26, 2019 at 08:50 PM

Happy 10th Anniversary, oh psychologist of mine. 10 years ago this Memorial Day I walked into your office after a soured relationship with my previous therapist of 12 years. If my psychiatrist hadn't insisted I see another therapist, you, I might never have gone back into treatment. Tomorrow, Memorial Day, we have an appointment. I'm bringing the diet cokes and we can toast 10 years of hard work and major successes. Oh, I'm still thinking through doing EMDR with you to handle DID remnants. I don't have an answer yet. Patience please. Thank you for 10 hard, productive, and caring years. Thank you for encouraging me through the authoring of two books. T.

Spirit of Trees · May 27, 2019 at 04:47 AM

I want you to reply to my email and I can't help feeling impatient about it. I want Thursday to come faster :c

Lemoncake · May 27, 2019 at 05:49 AM

Second night in a row that I dreamt of you.

You were supposed to come to my house for a session, but I'm worried about you hearing swearing & shouting in the background and I think I can't see you here. I called you and cancel the session whislt your left standing on my front door step.

A random song for you.

YouTube

Possible trigger:

Quote:

The river is always my home
L--d , take me away
For I just cannot stay
Or I'll sink in my skin and my bones

The water sustains me without even trying
The water can't drown me, I'm done
With my dying.

Please help me build a small boat
One that'll ride on the flow
Where the river runs deep
And the larger fish creep
I'm glad of what keeps me afloat

I can't promise I'll stop fighting with you but I'll try.

LonesomeTonight · May 27, 2019 at 08:30 AM

Dear T,
OK, maybe that wasn't so stupid after all. I think it was just something I needed to do. I feel OK about it this morning--maybe in part because of how it turned out, but I think either way, still would have felt OK. Still miss you, but hope you're enjoying your much-deserved day off.

Love,
LT

Lrad123 · May 27, 2019 at 09:31 AM

What is it about those early morning or middle of the night emails that are hard for me to resist? I tend to filter less and you seem to think the unconscious is involved. But it makes me feel foolish in the light of day.

Lemoncake · May 27, 2019 at 10:39 AM

Crying.

Exam tomorrow and I'm overwhelmed.

I checked your tripadvisor account, which I said I would tell you if I did.

Lemoncake · May 27, 2019 at 03:18 PM

I'm actually going to choose to run away.

ArtleyWilkins · May 27, 2019 at 03:22 PM

T, Thank you SO much for helping point us toward the right memory care today. You have been a essential and consistent source of information and support for our entire family.

May 27, 2019 at 07:44 PM

I miss you so unbelievably I sit around the corner at what would be ny session times, last week I didn't cry but I cried this morning because there was an ad for the festival and I know you are playing and I can't bear to go this year in case I run into you. Which is stupid because I am tempted to drop in and see you at lunchtime but what would I say?

May 27, 2019 at 07:45 PM

I don't want a new T I want you even though I feel very hurt about the way you went about things.

LostOnTheTrail · May 28, 2019 at 10:59 AM

I'm a stranger in my own skin again. Acknowledging the anger brings with it the sadness.

Doesn't feel worthy of an email, especially when I can't get the words right.

LabRat27 · May 28, 2019 at 02:48 PM

Possible trigger:

I kind of vaguely want to die but not like a few weeks ago. I feel bad thinking about telling you though because it's so minor. I feel like I'd just be trying to get sympathy or something. Maybe I'm tricking myself into feeling this way for attention.

Lemoncake · May 28, 2019 at 03:36 PM

Just exhausted.

Flight back to london tomorrow.Bus ticket is for 7am which obviously means I have to be up before then.

4 more exams to go:

Uro - 6th june
Derm
Neuro
Radio

But I don't feel like I have any energy left for therapy.

Ginger Mary · May 28, 2019 at 03:37 PM

Dear T
I really want to please you but I seem to always fail and don't feel worthy of your help.

chihirochild · May 28, 2019 at 05:07 PM

Dear T,

My vacation is over and I'm back in the throes of residency and it is already making me miserable.

Possible trigger:

Sometimes it feels like the only way out is to die.

-C

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

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NP_Complete Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: the upside down Posts: 3,804 7 6,349 hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 06:53 PM #563 Thank you for the call today. It was helpful to talk to you. I think I may need to remind you, though, that if I found it easy to believe that the mean things people said to me weren't really about me, then I probably wouldn't need therapy. I'm sorry if I frustrated you. I'm sorry that you're worried about me. I don't want to burden you that way.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,730 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 07:07 PM #564 Dear T, My dream led me to do something stupid (I'm safe). Damn it. I miss you so much. A 3-word response with a smiley can only do so much--it meant a lot to me but can only do so much. Love, LT

Lrad123 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: United States Posts: 1,332 6 372 hugs given	May 26, 2019 at 08:06 PM #565 I think I post on PC when I’m wanting connection from you. I can’t get it through email, so whatevs.

Spirit of Trees Member Member Since May 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 189 4 111 hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 04:47 AM #567 I want you to reply to my email and I can't help feeling impatient about it. I want Thursday to come faster :c __________________ I like deer with their stick legs and stick antlers

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,730 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 08:30 AM #569 Dear T, OK, maybe that wasn't so stupid after all. I think it was just something I needed to do. I feel OK about it this morning--maybe in part because of how it turned out, but I think either way, still would have felt OK. Still miss you, but hope you're enjoying your much-deserved day off. Love, LT

Lrad123 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: United States Posts: 1,332 6 372 hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 09:31 AM #570 What is it about those early morning or middle of the night emails that are hard for me to resist? I tend to filter less and you seem to think the unconscious is involved. But it makes me feel foolish in the light of day.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 10:39 AM #571 Crying. Exam tomorrow and I'm overwhelmed. I checked your tripadvisor account, which I said I would tell you if I did. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 03:18 PM #572 I'm actually going to choose to run away. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	May 27, 2019 at 03:22 PM #573 T, Thank you SO much for helping point us toward the right memory care today. You have been a essential and consistent source of information and support for our entire family.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 27, 2019 at 07:44 PM #574 I miss you so unbelievably I sit around the corner at what would be ny session times, last week I didn't cry but I cried this morning because there was an ad for the festival and I know you are playing and I can't bear to go this year in case I run into you. Which is stupid because I am tempted to drop in and see you at lunchtime but what would I say?

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 27, 2019 at 07:45 PM #575 I don't want a new T I want you even though I feel very hurt about the way you went about things.

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 02:48 PM #577 Possible trigger: I kind of vaguely want to die but not like a few weeks ago. I feel bad thinking about telling you though because it's so minor. I feel like I'd just be trying to get sympathy or something. Maybe I'm tricking myself into feeling this way for attention.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 03:36 PM #578 Just exhausted. Flight back to london tomorrow.Bus ticket is for 7am which obviously means I have to be up before then. 4 more exams to go: Uro - 6th june Derm Neuro Radio But I don't feel like I have any energy left for therapy. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Ginger Mary Member Member Since Oct 2010 Location: South Africa Posts: 85 13 3 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 03:37 PM #579 Dear T I really want to please you but I seem to always fail and don't feel worthy of your help.

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 05:07 PM #580 Dear T, My vacation is over and I'm back in the throes of residency and it is already making me miserable. Possible trigger: Sometimes it feels like the only way out is to die. -C