Acceptable Expressions of Negative Feelings in Therapy

This. Exactly.

I have expressed extreme emotions, but without the personal attacks which are unnecessary and probably a really fast way to get fired. My T doesn’t put up with anything.

I don't think a therapist can fire a client. They can quit but the client is the one who hires or fires the therapist. The client is not a supplicant. The therapist has a service for hire.

Does that mean I fired my therapist instead of quit therapy? I like the sound of that better. Thanks SD.

That's why I chose to call it "abandonment" instead

(kidding)
(kind of)

What do you believe are appropriate expressions of feelings and emotions in therapy?
In general, or for me? I think sharing feelings is OK, but no threats or any actual violence. Personal attacks, like say about the T's family would also be crossing the line.

What are your therapist’s boundaries? I am particularly interested in the negatives.
I know mine terminated a client who physically threatened him (I think he felt in danger during the session, as he called the police). At one point he said if a client belittled him, it wouldn't be OK. He's said he doesn't feel it's OK for a client to share every possible feeling with him, that some things do cross a line, that he could be personally affected and wouldn't just accept them.

How does or would your therapist respond to expressing anger towards them?
I don't think I've really expressed anger toward my current T. The one time I really expressed anger at ex-marriage counselor (in a text then phone call), he expressed anger back to me, became very defensive, and told me I'd have to reduce contact. This rupture ultimately led to us terminating with him. I had told him before that he'd hurt me and he generally handled it OK (though also some defensiveness), but it was like he couldn't deal with the anger. There was clearly some countertransference going on there...

Have or could you tell your therapist you hate them?
I never have. I suppose I could. He might say it bothered or upset him that I said that, not sure.

Is raising your voice in session acceptable?
To some extent, yes. But I think if it hits a level where it seems threatening, it's less OK.

Do they allow angry phone calls between sessions? Angry emails?
Not sure on angry emails, as I've never sent one to current T. An email saying I'm hurt by something he said or did, yes, but that's different from anger.

Have you ever accused your therapist of hurting you? Or not caring? Or not being competent? Could you?
I've accused both ex-MC and current T of hurting me--over email with both (including a bulleted list of ways he'd hurt me once for ex-MC), on a voicemail with T (sorta, I said I was upset by something he'd said, or actually, that he'd refused to say), on both voicemails and actual phone conversations with ex-MC, and by text for ex-MC. I think at some point I said I felt that they each didn't care--I know I did with ex-MC. I'm just not sure I used that exact language with T. I told T that other people didn't think he was competent (he was OK with hearing that) and that I wondered at times because of what they said.

I believe I am the poster you referenced. To clarify, the therapist has always been receptive to my anger in session. What she does not like is when I send angry text messages that she is compelled to respond to. She did not outright forbid me to do this, she said it is her "preference" that I wait until session to address any issues I have with her.

I do not think she would welcome me yelling at her. I do not think that would be ok, either, nor do I think it appropriate for me to tell her I hate her. I am not an infant and throwing a literal temper tantrum complete with yelling is not ok. If the therapist were to do something deserving of such treatment, I might leave her a voicemail, but I would not confront her in person in that way out of respect for the other clients having sessions. I obviously would not continue seeing a therapist who deserved to be yelled at and hated.

I would rather look down on someone who was ok with me yelling at them and telling them I hated them.

I have leveled many accusations at the therapist.

Yes! I didn’t want to steal the other thread with winding questions or call anybody out. Hopefully I wasn’t implying that all the scenarios in my original question applied to you specifically.

It’s so strange - I’ve noticed that the questions, responses and advice on this board vary wildly around what is normal and acceptable in therapy vs what is a boundary crossing. The difference between therapists at times also seems enormous. Then, clients seem to have their own moral compasses around what they will and won’t do in therapy, and that varies wildly by person as well.

Some therapists seem mildly annoyed at various behaviors that other therapists terminate for on the spot. Some therapists seem really excited when clients have strong angry reactions and others seem unwilling to touch it. Frequency and types of out of session contact are all over the place, as is what can be expressed in those modalities.

Like I said, so interesting and I’m glad people felt comfortable responding.

Also, I don't see how a therapist can fire a client when the client is the one paying. It would be like quitting your job but calling it firing your employer. It doesn't make any sense.

(Although, come to think of it, I like the idea of quitting a job and framing it as firing your boss... probably because I have defiance issues...)