[goatee]

My T and I have been having a very difficult time. We finally sorted it out and got back on an even keel a few days ago. I was feeling okay for the first time in several weeks. Today, my T told me that she has to change one of our upcoming sessions. She is pretty sure she’ll be able to make up the session and reschedule it for another day that week. But I’m still very upset- it feels like another blow just when we’re getting back to being okay. I just wish she weren’t doing this right now. She also said she’s not working that day and that that’s why we need to reschedule. Somehow those words really hurt me, hard to express why, but it really stings. Most of all, my T used to really place a lot of value on not changing around my appointments, like it was a big priority to her. This feels like a change, like she’s not doing that anymore, which feels like a big loss. I’m just wondering if it’s totally unreasonable for me to feel so terribly upset, if others would feel this way too, even though she’s rescheduling the session, or if I’m being very unfair to her. Also, if I should say anything to my T. I hate to stir things up again, especially if my feelings aren’t legitimate. Thanks.

[susannahsays]

I think your feelings are your feelings. Is it reasonable to expect for your appointments to never ever be changed? No, I don't think that's a very reasonable expectation. But, feelings aren't always reasonable or fair.

I think you are allowed to feel what you want about it. It really sounds like it's not so much about the change, but more about feeling secure and needing consistency. If you're open to seeing things differently, maybe cancelling but still making sure you're needs are addressed by offering another appt in the same week could be considered consistency?
My T is going through some things, and has done several changes over the last few months. She always makes time to see me within a day or two. That, to me, is a sign of caring and respect for our therapy that I sincerely appreciate. I understand things happen, and respect her need to take care of herself. Otherwise she might not be able to be there for me.

[ArtleyWilkins]

It isn't unreasonable to be upset over change. It may be a tad unreasonable to expect your appointment will never change, that your therapist will never take a day off for whatever reason because that is your appointment day. I agree with Nemo that this is more about your insecurity than your therapist actually doing anything particularly wrong.

[goatee]

I think part of it is that I had an ex T who used to change and cancel appointments all the time. I mean, it really was every other week. It felt like she didn’t care about therapy at all, like she was squeezing it in when it was convenient to her, amongst all of her other activities. So when I started seeing my current T and she never cancelled appointments and took missing or changing them very seriously, it felt amazing to me and meant a lot to me. I know she’s allowed to change one once. I know I’m not being fair to her. But it just really scares me that she’s going the way of my ex T now and this is the beginning of something. I think it also has to do with the fact that she and I have been having an incredibly difficult time recently and I’ve been feeling very shaky and fragile with our relationship. We just resolved things a few days ago, and then this. I’m still trying to decide whether I’ll say something or not. I don’t know...

Originally Posted by goatee

I think part of it is that I had an ex T who used to change and cancel appointments all the time. I mean, it really was every other week. It felt like she didn’t care about therapy at all, like she was squeezing it in when it was convenient to her, amongst all of her other activities. So when I started seeing my current T and she never cancelled appointments and took missing or changing them very seriously, it felt amazing to me and meant a lot to me. I know she’s allowed to change one once. I know I’m not being fair to her. But it just really scares me that she’s going the way of my ex T now and this is the beginning of something. I think it also has to do with the fact that she and I have been having an incredibly difficult time recently and I’ve been feeling very shaky and fragile with our relationship. We just resolved things a few days ago, and then this. I’m still trying to decide whether I’ll say something or not. I don’t know...

The showing of a commitment to the therapy is really important. Given the limited ways we and our Ts have available because of the structure of the relationship to show that, keeping a commitment to the schedule becomes really important.
With the recent occurrences of changes necessary for my T, I was able to easily go with the flow because I'm in a situation where I have the flexibility to do so. As I said previously, I have been grateful that she has made sure each time that we could reschedule right away, and I didn't have to actually miss a week. She recently apologized for the needed changes, and expressed concern that I might be feeling taken advantage of. I don't feel taken advantage of, but if her follow-up and communication, especially about how the changes might be affecting me weren't happening, I would probably feel a lot of insecurity about whether or not she was committed to our therapy.
Maybe you need to express your perceptions to your T, and whatever you feel you need as an individual to be reassured that your work is important to her/him. In my opinion, a good T should accept this and have empathy for your position.

[SlumberKitty]

Your feelings are your feelings. I think a lot of it has to do with things being "shaky and fragile" in your relationship. So any change is going to seem monumental, whether or not it actually is. Bringing this up in therapy may be worthwhile because it's about the therapy relationship. It's not so much the session change as it is the change itself it sounds like. HUGS Kit

[Rive.]

If you are looking for consistency and the 'security' of a same spot every week, your feelings are understandable. However, it is not very realistic simply because, unfortunately, life happens.. This means one would need to accommodate changes in circumstances. Prob what happened with T this week.

It doesn't mean she doesn't care or has stopped caring - just practicality or logistics she needs to deal with, which is why she can't do that particular day.