[Indie'sOK]

Hi all,

Thank you to many of you for your advice on my thread regarding asking my college professor to be my therapist. I appreciated all your posts and thought about my decision for a few days. At the end of the day, I decided it would be very difficult to separate her Professor persona from her Therapist one, so I called a counseling center in a nearby town that I hadn't yet been to.

Yesterday I had my first session with a new therapist, after searching for someone I could connect with for several months. I've tried four others since last September but didn't make it beyond two sessions with any of them. It wasn't that they were bad in any way, they just didn't "feel" right.

I met her and was instantly put at ease by many (seemingly irrelevant) details. Her office was very cozy, and when we sat down I noticed she sat cross-legged in her chair. I don't know why, but this put me at ease. Like she was able to get comfortable so I could too.

I really liked how she was prepared with a series of questions to ask me about my history. Although this might seem typical, two of the therapists I met previously didn't gather this information and started the conversation with "so what brings you in today?" Which is fine for some, but I have a hard time verbalizing a lot of my issues and was glad to see that this T took the lead in the conversation at first. By doing this she eased me into discussion of deeper/more painful parts of my past.

Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and she had a great sense of humor. I did not feel awkward at all, as we chatted as much as we discussed my problems themselves. I struggle a lot with vulnerability and tend to ramble when put on the spot, but she had a way of making sure this didn't happen.

From my post history it's clear that a recent breakup has contributed a large amount of stress to my life. I wanted to begin talking about it yesterday, but I told her that I knew I wouldn't be able to do it without crying. So I gave her the gist of the situation and plan to discuss it at greater length next session. In addition, I also have OCD and general depression/anxiety issues. Insecure attachment in relationships is something I'd like to work on (also evident from my previous posts).

I'm SO beyond excited for the chance to work with this therapist. The only thing that made me a bit uncomfortable was when I realized just how young she is. She is around 30, and I am 24. I don't see it being an issue though, and I definitely plan to see her despite the close age. If she were in her mid-20s I don't know if I could say the same thing, honestly. I dealt with bullying (and resulting anxiety) in middle school and have a hard time opening up to people my age. Having a T that young would feel too much like talking to one of my peers. Probably petty, but I hope that makes sense.

I haven't been this glad to start therapy since I was a teenager. However, I can already feel myself becoming attached to her, almost like I'm displacing my prior attachment from my ex-boyfriend onto her. It isn't a sexual thing, it's for comfort. I'm not sure if that's a problem or not.

The reason I am making this post is because I'm considering following up with T by sending her an email since I won't be able to see her again until May 7th (she's booked solid all next week). I'd basically like to let her know that I'm really looking forward to working with her and thanking her for taking me on as a client, and letting her know that I tried to make an appointment for next week but wasn't able to. Would it be overkill or inappropriate to send her this email? I'm sure she's aware that I couldn't get in next week so I guess that wouldn't be necessary. I just want to let her know how excited I am to work with her.

......Aaaaaaaaand cue my attachment issues. I'm serious you guys, I can already feel it and it's bad. She's just so amazing so far that I'm gushing.

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[unaluna]

Indie, per your other post re this t, im so glad you found someone you like as much as you did your early t(s). I remember you did very good work under very trying circumstances (family! Am i right?!) Best wishes.

[wheeler]

I’m glad you found someone that you could work with. It’s so hard to find the right therapist.

As for your experience with her and the email you would like to send, maybe you could bring this post in with you and talk about it in person? I think it would be helpful for her to get your feedback. And I think it would be helpful for you to get her feedback.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

The reason I am making this post is because I'm considering following up with T by sending her an email since I won't be able to see her again until May 7th (she's booked solid all next week). I'd basically like to let her know that I'm really looking forward to working with her and thanking her for taking me on as a client, and letting her know that I tried to make an appointment for next week but wasn't able to. Would it be overkill or inappropriate to send her this email? I'm sure she's aware that I couldn't get in next week so I guess that wouldn't be necessary. I just want to let her know how excited I am to work with her.

I think what you're describing is a private practice set up where somebody else handles the scheduling and probably the billing other than the therapist(s). It's the model for most private practices in the U.S. In that case, she may not know that you couldn't make an appointment for next week, but I am not sure there's a whole lot of purpose in saying that, unless you want to be put on the cancellation list, if there's such a thing (there is in my t's office set up).

Otherwise, I'm not sure that I would engage emailing given your described attachment issues. Are you prepared to deal with the fact that she may not reply or her reply may be not what you expected and/or wanted? Seems to me this happens pretty often. Perhaps it would be better to have a conversation directly with her about the topics of your proposed email. Sometimes I think bringing email into the therapy relationship messes with the intimacy of what happens in session. Like with new love, there is such a thing as too much process and discussion, and not enough doing/being present in the relationship itself. Which happens in session. I think your feelings are really great and I get the urge to share them with her via email, but I think a little restraint might be good here, to sit with them until you see her again. Talking about what you experienced in the first session would be a great opening to the next one. It preserves the continuity between sessions and allows you to relate to her, to have an interaction around it, rather than a static talk-at experience.

[SlumberKitty]

So glad you found a therapist that seems to be a good fit. I don't know if I would email. I think like others have said that talking about it in the next session would be good. I'm sorry she's booked up for a week. My T is really hard to get appointments for so I know how that feels. Again, so glad you found a therapist to work with that seems like a good fit. HUGS Kit

[Indie'sOK]

Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm glad I didn't send her the email after all. I had a new email box pulled up in my Gmail account and was starting to write something...until I couldn't think of anything to say besides "thank you for meeting with me yesterday." Anything beyond that, to me, would have come off as strange and there really wasn't a need to write a whole email just to say that one thing.

So instead, I created a new Word document and wrote her a letter highlighting my gratitude and describing some of the feelings I've had lately. I wrote it from my current perspective to be able to read at the end of the therapy process to see how far I'll (hopefully) have come by then. I also wrote it to give to her at the end to thank her for all her help. I think this will be more appropriate than an awkward email after Session #1, when I'm pretty much still a stranger to her.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I think that's a good move.

(I'm going to draw an analogy here; I am in no way saying you are in love with your therapist). Think of this a bit like the "in love" sensation of starting a new relationship: you are all excited and can't see that person's flaws yet and are all head-over-heels. You have that gushy, sloppy-happy, all-is-right-with-the-world feeling about that person. You are floating on the proverbial cloud nine. But that is not "love"; that's "in love". And there is a HUGE difference between the two. "Love" takes time and only comes from knowing the person's quirks and flaws; it comes from experiencing good and bad and highs and lows and successes and failures, and still knowing that person is important and worthy of respect despite whatever you experience together.

Let this therapy with this therapist settle in. She sounds great and probably will be, but take a breath and try to keep your feet on the ground. I like your idea of writing out your experience of her and just hanging onto it. Some people keep just a therapy journal, focused on their therapy journey, and separate from any other kind of journaling they do. It might be a good idea because it is a physical "space" and reminder that the therapist and therapy are contained somewhat, separate from the rest of our life. It also might help you get past that impulse to "tell her now" what you are feeling and thinking when those are thoughts and feelings that are more appropriate for discussion in session.

Therapists talk about compartmentalizing being really important for their own effectiveness and their own well-being. Personally, I think that idea of compartmentalizing therapy somewhat from the rest of our personal lives is not a terribly bad idea. It's easy to fall into a pattern of our therapy becoming enmeshed with our entire being, and that can end up badly for some. Realizing different areas of our lives can be kept separate from each other (and often are better that way), can actually really simplify life and feel more settled.

I'm so happy for you that you were able to find a therapist that feels right for you. I knew from the first sessions with my therapists when they were going to work well for me, so I understand that experience. Just slow yourself down a bit and let things happen a session at a time.

[nottrustin]

I think it is a good idea to wait unless you have discussed outside contact wi7th