General Publics Reaction

I understand that you might feel that way and many Ts might think the relationship is disposable, but I don’t agree that it has to be that way and I don’t believe my T disposed me or the relationship. I think it was a professional relationship and she couldn’t help me when I crossed her boundary as a professional objective therapist. I don’t want to argue, but I feel like I needed to respond to your post because that is a thought/idea/concept that once would have been really triggering (and still is a little, TBH). However, I’m trying really hard to see the gray in the situation and not be so black and white about therapy, the therapeutic relationship, and my termination. She didn’t dispose of me, she said goodbye and it was really hard for her.

You’re asking about the contradiction that still tortures me!

She is absolutely narcissistic, incompetent and broken! If she weren’t more than that, I would have been able to walk away earlier with far fewer scars. I do believe she cared about me in a way I haven’t felt cared about in the past. When things weren’t angry, she listened to me, cried with me and laughed with me. She was exquisite and lovely. Yet, she didn’t know what to do with anger and negativity and couldn’t work ‘in the moment’ or make effective use of transference.

In anger, she’d say things that are inexcusable and damaging. She shattered my sense of self and rejected a piece of me I’m not sure I’ll ever see again. I’ve been validated and empathized with by each of the therapist I’ve consulted with. It’s not much of a consolidation.

To move on, I’ve had to accept all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. I’ve accepted my part and accepted her part. I accept that I may never see her again. I accept that she’s probably forgotten me or moved on by now, and that when she thinks of me it’s probably in anger. I love her anyway, despite all of this. I hate her too.

About the different wave lengths part - we could never, ever agree on what had happened in past sessions. We interpreted events and situations in totally different ways.

Whenever she tried to infer what was bothering me, she was usually wrong. She’d try to offer insights that had no relevance to me or what I was trying to say. We were two totally different people!

Agree these things are gray, not black and white. And I don't mean to imply anything about your situation.

But speaking generally, exploitation done with caring words is still exploitation. Actions speak louder than words.

All a therapist has to do with is show some emotion, or say they care, thus manipulating the unconscious of the client/victim, and they are off the hook, no consequences.

Therapists answer to no one.

The general public will back therapists because the general public is guided by herd mentality. And the therapy community will bend over backward to give therapists the benefit of the doubt in order to sustain belief.

Driving down the therapist's street might constitute a violation of the therapist's boundaries, but baiting you into emotional dependency/attachment in a context where it is absolutely inappropriate is a much larger violation, and is the one that sets the table for all the problems that follow.

Therapy IS a violation.

Sounds a lot like my dealings with the first woman.