When T Comes Back from Vacation

wheeler · May 01, 2019 at 06:59 AM

My T has been on vacation for the past 3 weeks and will be back tomorrow. It’s always a struggle for me trying to figure out how to ‘be’ at that first session back. So many thoughts and feelings about her being gone, and her being back.

I struggle with the push-pull of her leaving and then with her coming back.
I want to ask her about her vacation but I also want to act like it didn’t matter to me at all.
I want to tell her all the difficult thought and feelings I’ve had during her absence, but once again deny them.

How do you handle post-vacation? Do you struggle with the push-pull as well?

Lemoncake · May 01, 2019 at 07:11 AM

I'm a "special client" that needs two months prep for each of his breaks. I don't think you need to "be" a certain way. It's normal to have negative feelings towards her going away as well as positive. I would say just try to tell your truth. There's nothing wrong in admitting you struggled without her.

piggy momma · May 01, 2019 at 07:38 AM

My T takes three months off every summer, so I understand how difficult this can be. We spent a good six weeks before he leaves preparing me, we come up with a plan of how I will manage things when he's away, and we have some contact over the summer. I find when he gets back in September we just pick up where we left off.

Because we talk so candidly before he leaves about how I'm feeling and how it's affecting me, there's not much to clean up after. I'm also pretty candid with him about everything; I don't hold back much.

My recommendation is always to talk about what you're feeling. If it's bothering you, it's worth talking about.

CartDown · May 01, 2019 at 07:51 AM

My T is still on vacation. He already knew I was on edge about it. He really knows these things because I tell him via email, but I hardly express it in person. He told me I was able to email him, that he will read everything. So I've been emailing, but only a few times. I told him not to reply to me unless I begged for connection. I can't handle his replies sometimes, I read them negatively. I'm going to be over the moon when he gets back, but I'm probably going to act like it's no big deal.

ArtleyWilkins · May 01, 2019 at 08:00 AM

I handle it about the same I would with anyone who had been away for awhile on vacation. "I missed you and am so glad your back. So nice to see you again. How was that vacations?" We talk about it for a few minutes, and then we move on.

stopdog · May 01, 2019 at 09:17 AM

It was never all that different for me. I was paying a stranger to sit there regardless of the time between appointments.

SlumberKitty · May 01, 2019 at 10:55 AM

I used to struggle with that same thing with former T. Wanting to know how her vacation was, but also wanting to pretend it didn't affect me. I also had a hard time with the first session back. It seemed like it usually took a little while to get back into the groove of things. Like something was off kilter at first. I didn't like that at all. Maybe tell your T kind of what you said here. That you have trouble trying to figure out how to be at that first session back. I bet your T can help you through it. HUGS Kit

coolibrarian · May 01, 2019 at 12:23 PM

When my T comes back from her vacation(s), I am usually angry at her. Not angry that she came back, but angry at her because she went away.

wheeler · May 01, 2019 at 01:35 PM

SlumberKitty, were able fine something that helped deal with this see-saw of feelings? I feel like I've talked about this with her that I'm sounding like a broken record.
I have found some relief in her going away and coming back, but it's always so hard.

Lrad123 · May 01, 2019 at 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

When my T comes back from her vacation(s), I am usually angry at her. Not angry that she came back, but angry at her because she went away.

Same for me. But then I get angry at myself for feeling anything at all and letting myself blow it out of proportion.

kaleidoscopeheart · May 01, 2019 at 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Same for me. But then I get angry at myself for feeling anything at all and letting myself blow it out of proportion.

Yup. This. I start doing this before T even leaves though.... vacations are rough.

SlumberKitty · May 01, 2019 at 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wheeler

SlumberKitty, were able fine something that helped deal with this see-saw of feelings? I feel like I've talked about this with her that I'm sounding like a broken record.
I have found some relief in her going away and coming back, but it's always so hard.

Actually, not really. My former T (who was my T at the time) and I talked about it, but the emotions really never settled around the issue. And I would have thought it would get better with time, but really, it didn't. I think it was better earlier in our time together, but I did end up horribly attached so that didn't help.

Omers · May 01, 2019 at 08:31 PM

I would loose my mind if T were gone 3 weeks! But... normally I am his first appointment Monday morning when he gets back... so I tease him about it being a very Monday Monday and all the little details that are usually taken care of that haven’t gotten caught up yet. T knows I am always afraid he will change on me while he is gone so picking on him about all the little stuff let’s me release that anxiety over things that don’t matter while he makes sure he is still 100% him... and he will usually tell me a story from when he was gone because he is OCD and my picking up on the little stuff brings it to his attention... but he knows nothing will hold my interest more and rebuild rapport than some silly story about while he was gone... like putting socks on a dog.

sophiebunny · May 01, 2019 at 10:41 PM

I look at my therapist's and psychiatrist's absences a little differently. They need time away from me (and all their patients/clients) because their jobs are very stressful and if they get no real break, that's not good for either them or me. At our last session before they leave I smile. Tell them I'm going to miss them. I tell them to have a restful vacation. And tell them I'll be just fine. Even if I don't think I'll be fine, the power of saying I can be ok for a week or two under my own guidance is very empowering. If I have a rough patch, I write to them and save the essay. When they come back I ask politely about their vacations and then I fill them in on what has happened to me. Sometimes I read to them my essays. We move on from there. It's a formula that helps me feel like I'm not dependent. I treat their absence as an opportunity to show them I'm growing...even if sometimes it's not great. Of course I miss them a lot but practicing being on my own is very freeing.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

When T Comes Back from Vacation

My Support Forums

ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	May 01, 2019 at 08:00 AM #5 I handle it about the same I would with anyone who had been away for awhile on vacation. "I missed you and am so glad your back. So nice to see you again. How was that vacations?" We talk about it for a few minutes, and then we move on.
	Reply With Quote

coolibrarian Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,302 10 1,041 hugs given	May 01, 2019 at 12:23 PM #8 When my T comes back from her vacation(s), I am usually angry at her. Not angry that she came back, but angry at her because she went away. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind. ;
	Reply With Quote

wheeler Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2009 Posts: 541 15 102 hugs given	May 01, 2019 at 01:35 PM #9 SlumberKitty, were able fine something that helped deal with this see-saw of feelings? I feel like I've talked about this with her that I'm sounding like a broken record. I have found some relief in her going away and coming back, but it's always so hard. __________________ wheeler
	Reply With Quote