How do you show closeness to your t?

LabRat27 · May 04, 2019 at 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

And I thought I was the only one who did this. We have big ruptures (too many that I've lost count) and minor falling outs nearly every other week where I tell him that I'm actually quitting for real and I don't want to see him again.

But then we both know that I don't really mean it and I will email asking for my slots back. It gives me the control feels I guess,

but it's nice knowing that we can have so many ruptures and he's still there.

It sounds nice to know he's still there, but it also sounds emotionally exhausting!!
My T and I have only had one big rupture, and I had a very legitimate right to be angry imo.

With this stuff my anger is usually more limited to me coming in and expressing the fact that I'm overriding the urge to be passive aggressive and sulk and make him try to figure out what I'm upset about and what the right thing to say would be. Then we talk about it. I tell him what things I want to say, but it's an extra layer of distance, like "I want to say things to hurt you and make you feel guilty" instead of just saying the things.

Idk why I do it this way. It's definitely not an emotional maturity thing. Probably a neediness thing.
The feeling is also not usually nearly as strong when I'm actually in session as like 2am when I've convinced myself that he never cared about me or something equally extreme and objectively irrational.

Lrad123 · May 04, 2019 at 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 502041

I am trying to figure out how close or attached I feel with my T because it's not clear cut. I kinda feel she is everything and nothing to me at the same time. But I think this is classic avoidant.
I have started making the controlled effort to show her I am trying to trust her which I think aids closeness so simply being like this is very hard for me to tell you but I am trying. last session I told her I found something useful she told me and I have mentioned how something she mentioned on the off came up outside of the session. It was kinda my way of saying I think of this outside of session and what you say is part of my life.
I find the idea of closeness with a professional icky. Really hard. Sometimes we are very out of time with one another but sometimes the fact it's so hard when it works nicely it feels extra special.
Currently I am preparing for both doing deeper work as well as leaving in a few months so I think the issue with closeness will be interesting in the weeks and months to come

I keep rereading this because I could have written this myself, only you’ve said it much better than I could have.

I’m both intrigued and mortified by those who can let out their strong positive feelings towards their T in an unfiltered way. I wonder what that must be like. It would really be an alternate universe for me.

stopdog · May 04, 2019 at 07:16 PM

I am intrigued that people report having positive feelings towards a therapist to begin with.

May 05, 2019 at 06:13 PM

The idea of telling my therapist she is important to me terrifies me. I mean i think about her and her family all the time and give no indication i even like her. We are out of sync with one another a lot, but for some reason i still feel a fondness. i don't know whether fondness is closeness

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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,726 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	May 04, 2019 at 07:16 PM #23 I am intrigued that people report having positive feelings towards a therapist to begin with. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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Anonymous46912 Guest Posts: n/a	May 05, 2019 at 06:13 PM #24 The idea of telling my therapist she is important to me terrifies me. I mean i think about her and her family all the time and give no indication i even like her. We are out of sync with one another a lot, but for some reason i still feel a fondness. i don't know whether fondness is closeness
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