Ugh

T and I both know that the insecurity I belongs to H and there is nothing we can do about it. However, by being open if he chooses to look at things clearly he can see everything just as it is.
I was able to finish the comfort item last night and H was surprized this morning to find it still sitting on the table. He asked “didn’t you plan on sleeping with it?” To which he got a GROSS! So he is catching on... hopefully he will start to get what this is for and that it is not a threat to him. Again, not saying he can’t be a controlling jerk... but he seems to be opening up to this

Separation violence is indeed an important thing to consider and I apologize for getting your situation wrong. I hope you are able to make a choice with freedom about what's right for you. I wish you the best with it.

You’re OK Annie2.0, it is really hard to truly get anything from the little glimpses people put on here from only their perspective. And, you are not exactly wrong... I am choosing to stay in a toxic relationship... the reasons are just different than most peoples and I don’t get into those reasons very often.

Hey, Omers. Just saw your comment on the Dear T thread. I'm sorry to hear your husband said those hurtful things to you. Lots of times when people feel insecure, they react by attempting to make other people feel as insecure as they do. It sounds like he got to you and you are now feeling insecure. I do understand what you and your therapist were hoping to accomplish with openness. My concern is that being open about such a sensitive subject with somebody who can't be trusted to not go on the attack gives that person ammo they can use to hurt you.

I hope your session goes well, and I really hope the visit about getting your son into a group home is promising.

Thanks. I am in T’s parking lot now chilling before going in. I sent an email and warned T about all the stuff H brought up and how insecure I was feeling... then the comfort item blew a seam in the dryer... pure panic and plastic filling everywhere! But got it patched and with me... we shall see. If T and I can’t do the weighted blanket thing today (because I get too scared or won’t ask) at least we will have LOTS of stuff to talk about... then home to see how much of a mess I have to hide in 2hrs or less before caseworkers... then... TO THE COUCH! Yes, the PC couch.

Hope your T session and caseworker visit go well

We have three possible placements for my son so I think that is going well... fingers crossed.
T did not go as planned/hoped but does it ever? It was a good session I am just exhausted and not wanting to wait a whole week to see him again. He liked the project and was glad I was choosing to bring it back home for my own self care.

Sounds encouraging for your son--I'll keep fingers crossed, too. Agreed about T never going as planned (see: my session today). Glad you had a good session--is it possible to see him sooner? Did you end up trying the lap/shoulder pad?

I have brought up seeing him more frequently but have never gotten in or gotten a clear no... will be bringing it up again. He was very pleased with the lap pad. He saw it as me trying to bring the safety and security I feel in his office/presence into other places in my life. He said all the symbolism didn’t bother him a bit as it all came from his office. He even shared the meaning behind some of the pictures I brought into it. He said if there had been a picture of his home or things from his home on it that would be totally different but anything from his office that helps me feel secure is fair game. He was also surprised that I had noticed and chosen symbols that were important to him. I don’t ask him any personal questions and stay far away from his personal life unless he offers. He seemed happy that I did have an interest in him as a person and we had a good talk about my not feeling comfortable asking him about personal things or even professional choices... he almost didn’t set something up in his office today but was worried the change would bother me. I said I would have just went with it uncomfortably. He was surprised that I would not ask about it even though I would be very curious and it would bug me. Which brought him back to working on trust and how it is a different process with me.

The lap pad did return home as T saw very clearly that it was to help me feel close to him when I was having a hard time. H said he was glad that T understood what it was about and that I felt validated. Dunno. T let me know of another upcoming week that he will be away and half jokingly asked if that meant another project... so then we got to talk about the projects and what they mean and do for me. He seemed happy/excited that I could use them to communicate with him and is very open to our “show and tell” as he calls it. He did admit to being a bit puzzled by my choice of working in fabric so we talked about how others were disrespectful of my space when I would draw so not my drawings have very little symbolism in them. I started sewing about the time that I started working with him to fabric is prestine... no one has messed it up. He was happy I found something for when I can’t do words yet.