Sayings In Recovery That We Hate & Why We Hate Them ...

When the therapist doesn't know what to say, she has said as much. I think that's better than silence or some platitude.

If we're talking 12 step, I ****ing hate anything about "character defects"
I do just fine with the self loathing on my own. I don't need others agreeing that my fundamental character is flawed.
My "core belief" that I am fundamentally bad is something I often experience as a feeling that I am somehow of fundamentally defective character, and I've thought of it in those words since long before I was familiar with the phrase in any 12 step context, so hearing it there was kind of a shock.

Not strictly the topic of this thread but this has been one of my main criticisms of the 12-step programs and one that turned me off from using that approach much for recovery. On top, they often demand that those character defects are analyzed and rejected on and on and on, forever. And that whatever negative experiences and challenges a person faces, it is due to the nature of the addict in them. Reminds me of those extreme therapy themes where everything negative and troubling we experience in life is related to (or even caused by) the mother... Not the latter also annoys me no end when it is overused in certain therapy modalities.

This post makes me happy.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Only 2 options for getting through something. Alive or not.

"Everything happens for a reason." No. Things happen. We assign meaning. Or we don't.

"Self care."

It always seemed to me like one of the many ways it operates like a cult. Which is not to say that it is a cult, but that it employs many of the same tactics because they're effective. Break down someone's self esteem, then present yourself as the solution. It's a lot harder to leave if they're come to believe that the group/program is the only way they can be redeemable.

I have a lot of strong opinions on this, sorry for the thread hijack. I'll just say that I have had a much different and very positive experience with SMART Recovery. It's non 12 step, secular, REBT/CBT based, emphasizes your power of choice rather than powerlessness, and has 4 "points" that are aspects of recovery, but are not steps or specific things that you "must" do. I've been sober for over a year and a half now, no 12 step stuff.
12 step works for some people, and I'm glad it does. It does not work for everyone, and I'm glad there are other options available, and I wish they were more well known and accessible.

Edit: oh and I'm sure there's plenty of something similar to transference with sponsors for a lot of people. And they're telling their sponsor all their deepest secrets and "character defects" looking for some kind of absolution or approval. What could possibly go wrong there?
It ends badly often enough even with trained professionals and much stricter boundaries.

@LabRat27 Completely agree. Had to leave that "program" as I (finally allowed myself to realize that for me) it was very damaging and reinforced my sense of shame, guilt, and being at fault. I remember how I felt like I would damned or something when I left...and I still keep in contact with some, but I click my heels every time I realize I made that choice and still remain sober.
FL47

When I was inpatient at what was supposed to be one of the best of the best treatment facilities, one of the psychiatrists was a mean and brutal "c-word" ... I will never forget that in addition to making an excuse why a female pedophile was permitted to remain in our midst (which was quite traumatic for those of us that had been sexually molested by our mothers), she got snarky with a couple of patients short of yelling at one to "stop all their mental masturbation", and to another patient that "it" (them not being allowed to respond to a verbal assault on them by another patient) "would all come out in the wash" (in other words shut up ... which is not the right thing to say to survivors of abuse who've been forced to remain silent and carry secrets of their abusers far too long already) ... I will never forget how both of those statements were anything but helpful or healing ... This woman has no business being a mental health professional IMHO.

Grrrrrrr.....

I dislike many of the platitudes (and worse ) in this thread

I don’t want to add more as .....

Those of us who have been forced to be silent by abusers aren’t “helped” by cruel and “inane” platitudes



Respect to all in this thread

Thanks for this thread Pfrog

Count yourself lucky, I guess.

When the therapist says their job is to "challenge" me ...

Makes me even more scared, anxious and defective than I was before they said that!

Should have said it makes me "feel" even more scared, anxious and defective than I was before they said that!

It was too late to edit, so consider this the edit!

Where do you feel it in your body. She knows I do bit feel things in my body.

Use the grounding skills we have been working on when I am having an anxiety task. Every day I dont talk to her I can guarantee I am uysing my groundung/ distracting skills to get by. If I am asking for help it is because those things are no longer working

Exactly! I absolutely hate when she uses the phrase challenge! She could say something like let's try to look at it from another perspective or anything similar. But challenging sounds too aggressive and confrontational. It literally scares me, too! Did she want to argue with me? Scld me for being stupid and irrational?

My therapist said that in response to the grievance I filed against him. He used the word “challenge” to rationalize his bullying and hostility.

EMDR T says hang in there when I reach out between sessions. I want to day I am trying to that is why I contacted you.

When I was frustrated about my reaction/handing of things and either T tells me my reactin was normal

How's this for an answer? I hate the term "in recovery". Absolutely loathe it. Why? Because
there is only remission, not recovery. For bipolar anyway. Also, it's an addiction term, and is uncomfortable and imo, unsuitable when one is not an addict.

Also goes to show that what bothers one person doesn't bother another.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure