Feeling really rough

I feel like I’m about to ruin everything and my T will terminate me because I’m too messed up for treatment.

Probably unreasonable but can’t shake the feeling off. I’m too much for people and it’s only a matter of time before they realise they need to back away from me. It’s always been like this.
I don’t deserve all this help, there are people whose problems are much worse than mine and who are dealing a lot better. I feel so ashamed.

Hugs Merope. Comparing struggles between people is something I try really hard not to do. I am “loosing” a child to severe mental illness, my neighbors lost theirs to cancer... I have Autism that made me “different” as a kid, my niece has lived being an insulin dependent diabetic since a young child. I have flashbacks of child abuse my husband has flashbacks from serving our country during combat... the are no better or worse struggles, everyone struggles and everyone does it their own way. T’s are there to help us become whole again. It doesn’t matter why, simply that we need to be whole again and we need help getting there.

I wonder if, since you are verbalizing it pretty well here, is this something that you can verbalize with your T? AND can the T respond to the discussion in some mode other than that of a "helper" or rescuer, with reference to your post on another thread?

My last T DID terminate me after 6 years because she didn't "have the emotional resources" to continue with me. It was probably a reenactment, in some way, on my part -- but I was the client, doing the best I could -- and she probably had her own issues, that I hadn't recognized well, that played into it. So, it can happen -- doesn't mean that it will happen with you.

The dynamic that someone is too messed up for treatment -- in my case I have come to believe, extremely sadly, that I was too much, or -- some other complicated things -- for my mother to love me. AND, I recently came across a letter (not sure I ever sent it) to a T more than 30 years ago, where she had apparently suggested that I had the clinical symptoms I did because my mother hadn't loved me -- and my letter disputed that.

To acknowledge that would have meant to to lose my family and extended family, to dispute/reject the family fairy tale -- and a sense of belongingness that would have been horrible. I eventually did leave, several years ago, as and after my mother died -- with enormous anguish. A swamp, but it was my home. I knew no other, didn't know how to make another. Still don't.

Let's say you are "too much" for your therapist. What meaning and emotions are you attaching to that idea? That you are a bad person? That if you are too much for him, you must be too much for anyone? Is there shame? Self hatred? Hopelessness?

Even if you are "too much" for him, that doesn't actually say anything negative about you, or mean you are unworthy of help. It would just mean he is missing something that is needed to be able to help you.

I dog sit. Occasionally, I will decline a booking because the dog is "too much." For example, I've declined several bookings recently for large dogs who are less than two years old. This is finals week for me, and last week was the last week of classes with several large assignments and a test that were due. I knew I wouldn't have the energy or time to give dogs who are essentially still puppies all of the attention and exercise they need. That doesn't make them bad dogs, or mean that they are intrinsically "too much," and no sitter would be able to deal with them. I just knew I wasn't going to be the best sitter for them at this time due to what I am able to offer.

I see a PA at my student health center on campus. When my thyroid hormone levels were dangerously low, she insisted on referring me to an endocrinologist due to the severity of my condition. I was essentially "too much" for her to be able to competently treat me. That just meant I needed to see someone who had a more specialized level of knowledge. It didn't say anything bad about me that I needed someone else in order to take care of my health.

I know it would probably feel very personal and perhaps even devastating if your therapist were to decide you are "too much" for him. I hope you can try reframing what that would actually mean in a way that is not a condemnation of yourself.

This blog post might be a good read for you.

I think all the responses you've gotten here are really wise and meaningful, but I just wanted to add that this seems like it's a feeling, you know feelings are not facts, and "about to ruin" is not a thing unless you are planning on lighting your T's office door on fire or chucking a dead rat through her window or threatening to kick her @ss. You can't ruin a T relationship by struggling with what you're struggling with, and I'd also encourage you to talk to her directly, on the phone asap, if you can.

It sounds like, as they say, depression talking.

Thank you all so much. The weight on my chest definitely doesn't feel as heavy as it did this morning. I've been having a bit of a rough time lately (i'm used to rough, but this was rougher than I thought it would be) and it seems to have brought out a lot of shame. I have spoken to my T about this before and I will bring it up again, but I don't get to see him until late next week.

"Ruining things"--I am applying this to most relationships in my life at the moment. I am not cheerful or fun to be around, I worry that I'm becoming too much for my friends, housemates, family. I know it's a feeling and I know it will pass, but when caught in the midst of it it gets hard to notice where my arms end and legs begin.

Susansays, thank you for that dog analogy. I guess depression makes me a bit selfish, as it makes it seem like it's all me. It doesn't consider that how other people are reacting has more to do with them than it does with me. Rationally, I know that my T won't feel like I am "too much" for him (he never has made me feel that way) but emotionally, i feel like a hurricane. destructive. Thank you for the link--I'll definitely give it a read.

Heretoday--I'm sorry your T terminated you after so long, it must have been awfully hard. I don't seem to recall the post you mentioned, but I don't usually think of him as a "rescuer." i definitely think of him as a helper though and in the past, he has managed to get me in much healhier mindsets. i guess the neediness arises from that--fearing that i can't get there by myself yet, that I still need his guidance.

Omers--thank you for your reply! you have helped put things into perspective and i really needed that. i find it hard to challenge the black and white thinking when I'm feeling threatened.

Thank you Anne--almost certainly the depression talking. I'm hoping it's a brief episode and it will feel a bit better after a good night's sleep. I laughed at the "dead rat" comment...I can almost picture his horrified expression ahha. Thank you for that. i can't talk to him on the phone, but I will email if it gets too bad. I'll try to ride it out first and use the skills he has taught me.

So sorry. It was another poster, with what seemed to me a similar name.
Hope my reply wasn't too off-topic. I apologize.

No worries at all!