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zapatoes
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Default May 08, 2019 at 01:25 AM
  #1
Looking for advice on how therapy helps you cope with your life, aspects of your life, etc. I’m interested in possibly seeing a therapist, counselor, life coach and all of the above for grief, depression, learning disorder, how to communicate better in general when struggling with social anxiety. Thanks.
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Default May 08, 2019 at 04:44 AM
  #2
I do not know what the mechanism is but there is research that shows how the neurons in our brain change when in therapy. It is physical. I was bulimic for 20 years, suicidal, self harming and after 1.5 years of therapy with my current therapist I just cope better. I stopped resorting to all the maladaptive coping behaviors to deal with heavy emotions. I do not even react the way I used to to situations. Not sure why it all changed but something we do in that session room has caused the change.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Anne2.0
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Default May 08, 2019 at 06:49 AM
  #3
It's been a number of years since my spouse died and I've fallen in love again. I've been noticing two things-- one is that I've chosen a person more suited to me psychologically-- emotionally healthy, honest and brave, funny and kind, open and interested in personal growth. The other is that therapy has helped me be a more open and honest partner, a more intentional communicator, less reactive when something upsets me, clearer about communicating when I'm upset and what I need for support. I've seen deeper and more satisfying relationships with people in the past years, both family and friends. But this new romance has been a testing ground for some of the super triggery things that always have made my freak flag fly in relationships. It's nice to enjoy this kind of intimacy and connection, and the kind it is is something I've never had and didn't even know what was possible.

I think therapy has helped me (it's not the cause per se) in changing some of my interpersonal abilities because I've been able to take a hard look at my abusive past and dealt with how that has shaped me as a person in relation to other people, and then I've been able to practice being open and unafraid (I think most of my issues with people are a result of fear, fear that they'll intrude upon me or leave me, or both). I've been able to work out conflicts or disagreements and learn how to practice the values I want in my relationships. 10 years with the same therapist doesn't hurt either, to have someone know you as well as my T knows me and to have the kind of safety that comes from just doing this a long time.

Good luck. You don't have to sign up for 10 years. You can just start with a single session and see if you want to do more.
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Default May 08, 2019 at 07:23 AM
  #4
I feel calmer and more capable to cope after visiting my therapist. She helps redirect my thinking. Therapy has helped me recognize what thoughts I have that are not serving me and what behaviors/habit are working against me. It also helps me to have a therapist validate my thinking. I have a difficulty determining if my decision-making is based on good logic or has been influenced by my anxiety. She has been great at validating when my decisions are more based on anxiety rather than what I truly want in life.
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Default May 08, 2019 at 11:44 AM
  #5
For me therapy helps me to see patterns in my thinking, so I can recognize them when they come up again. Like I have a lot of social anxiety and tend to feel nervous around people, like I'm doing something wrong or they don't like me or whatever, but I can recognize now that those feelings are often not based on what is happening in the here and now and more in things that happened in the past. Therapy is also sort of like practice at relating and connecting to people, so you can work at how you do it and get feedback rather than just fearing rejection.

I think therapy also helps me to figure out what I want, and to untangle that from what other people might want (or what I think they want), so I am better at choosing what is right for me. Gradually this has improved my depression and anxiety overall.
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Default May 08, 2019 at 12:16 PM
  #6
R told me that I have value, that I was kind and brave and he said it so many times that I started to believe him. I started putting myself first and I learnt how to say "no" to things I didn't want to do. I ended a friendship I wasn't happy in. He taught me that it was okay to have negative feelings, that anger wasn't bad and what a template for a healthy relationship with a man looks like. I learnt how to self soothe myself better and calm down when I'm triggered. I used to self harm much more frequently.

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Default May 08, 2019 at 11:10 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
I do not know what the mechanism is but there is research that shows how the neurons in our brain change when in therapy. It is physical. I was bulimic for 20 years, suicidal, self harming and after 1.5 years of therapy with my current therapist I just cope better. I stopped resorting to all the maladaptive coping behaviors to deal with heavy emotions. I do not even react the way I used to to situations. Not sure why it all changed but something we do in that session room has caused the change.
That’s great to hear and very good to learn that the brain can change in therapy.
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zapatoes
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Thumbs up May 08, 2019 at 11:15 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
It's been a number of years since my spouse died and I've fallen in love again. I've been noticing two things-- one is that I've chosen a person more suited to me psychologically-- emotionally healthy, honest and brave, funny and kind, open and interested in personal growth. The other is that therapy has helped me be a more open and honest partner, a more intentional communicator, less reactive when something upsets me, clearer about communicating when I'm upset and what I need for support. I've seen deeper and more satisfying relationships with people in the past years, both family and friends. But this new romance has been a testing ground for some of the super triggery things that always have made my freak flag fly in relationships. It's nice to enjoy this kind of intimacy and connection, and the kind it is is something I've never had and didn't even know what was possible.

I think therapy has helped me (it's not the cause per se) in changing some of my interpersonal abilities because I've been able to take a hard look at my abusive past and dealt with how that has shaped me as a person in relation to other people, and then I've been able to practice being open and unafraid (I think most of my issues with people are a result of fear, fear that they'll intrude upon me or leave me, or both). I've been able to work out conflicts or disagreements and learn how to practice the values I want in my relationships. 10 years with the same therapist doesn't hurt either, to have someone know you as well as my T knows me and to have the kind of safety that comes from just doing this a long time.

Good luck. You don't have to sign up for 10 years. You can just start with a single session and see if you want to do more.
Thank you Anne 2.0 for the encouraging words that therapy helps with communication and improved relationships. For me I can relate to the fear that someone else will intrude upon me or leave me.
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