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Anne2.0
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Default May 11, 2019 at 05:09 PM
  #41
I am not expecting good therapy to fall out of the sky and I am willing to work hard and push myself but I need to feel that I am not doing this alone. I have no other support system, and nobody I can talk to. I know what I need to do but I need help [/QUOTE]

So I think you need to tell her what you need to not feel alone. Personally I think if she's in the room with you and listening to what you say, you are not alone. If you want her to do something else, you have to say so.

The other thing you could do is work on whatever you need to in order to earn more money so you are not so limited in your choices. Get a second job, take out a loan, whatever. Maybe you'd be more willing to do what you need to do as you say, if you have a different therapist.

I think if you're ready to do what you need to do, any therapist or no therapist at all will fit the bill. But I really think one session is not enough under these circumstances to know whether it's going to work. Especially where you did not tell her at least what you've said here. You haven't shared your reactions with her or been open about what you need. If her goals aren't your goals, that's one thing. But she was very blunt about what she thinks you need to do, and I think naming that upfront is very good. You say you want that. I don't think you will suffer harm if you go to another session and give it a try. That's all I'm suggesting. And tell her what you told us here. Then see how it goes.
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Default May 12, 2019 at 02:42 AM
  #42
I tried to tell her, but it is something I struggle with. I told her that (I just didn't post a word for word report of my session). I am willing to try and to push myself but I help. That's why I am going to therapy. If I had all the answers I wouldn't need to go.

I cannot do anything to earn more money. I work full time, I simply do not have the time or energy to take on another job. just getting through the day as it is is exhausting enough for me.

I am ready to do what I need to do, but as I have said, I can't do it on my own which is why I am looking into therapy. I know that this is my fault, but I am doing everything I can. I have tried SO hard over the last few years but clearly that isn't good enough
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Default May 12, 2019 at 06:02 AM
  #43
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Originally Posted by littleblackdog View Post

I am ready to do what I need to do, but as I have said, I can't do it on my own which is why I am looking into therapy. I know that this is my fault, but I am doing everything I can. I have tried SO hard over the last few years but clearly that isn't good enough
I don't see any of this as about fault and I don't think you need to beat yourself up about where you are. For me, feeling as you do would be more motivation to try to make this work with a person who may be your only option. I think if you consider that there is often a period in the beginning of therapy where you can start learning how to talk about yourself and what you need, I think you can take some pressure off the situation. For me, I would keep going for awhile to see if this can turn into something more helpful for me.

I've had three long term therapists and one shorter term therapist, and it wasn't until months into each where I realized it was either good or not so good for me. I think it can take time. I'd encourage you to keep trying because losing an hour of your time for a few weeks or a few of those english pounds doesn't seem to be a big cost.
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Default May 12, 2019 at 06:56 AM
  #44
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I've had three long term therapists and one shorter term therapist, and it wasn't until months into each where I realized it was either good or not so good for me. I think it can take time. I'd encourage you to keep trying because losing an hour of your time for a few weeks or a few of those english pounds doesn't seem to be a big cost.

Low cost therapy is expensive for those on low incomes. "A few of those English pounds" (you mean British pounds, but nevermind pesky politico-ecomomic facts) is a mischaracterisation of the significant barrier which cost presents for many people.
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Default May 12, 2019 at 11:37 AM
  #45
Just chiming in for blackdog...it was through lower cost therapists (that I didn't love or really gel with) that I later progressed to a healthier place, moving on to other providers when my personal circumstances had changed.

Meaning...nothing is forever. Sometimes lily pads come along...we jump on them...and travel to our next destination. We still can learn and grow along the way.

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Default May 12, 2019 at 12:38 PM
  #46
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Meaning...nothing is forever. Sometimes lily pads come along...we jump on them...and travel to our next destination. We still can learn and grow along the way.
I like the way you said this. I really just want to encourage the OP to give the therapy a chance rather than dismiss it out of hand, which seems more important when finances limit options. This seems like a lily pad worth jumping on for a little while.
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Default May 15, 2019 at 05:05 AM
  #47
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Low cost therapy is expensive for those on low incomes. "A few of those English pounds" (you mean British pounds, but nevermind pesky politico-ecomomic facts) is a mischaracterisation of the significant barrier which cost presents for many people.
Thank you. It may be just "a few pounds" for some people, but even at low cost she still charges £50 per session and I simply don't have a spare couple of hundred pounds a month - especially not if it is going to end up making me feel worse.

I have emailed her and explained my concerns (we agreed that I was going to think about whether I wanted to continue and email her to let her know) so I will see what she says.
I have just heard from the centre that she is the only therapist who offers lower rates and has any availability so she is pretty much my only option.

I have had bad experiences with taking therapy in the past. I have no support system, and nobody else I can talk to (apart from my GP) and so I am really reluctant to set myself up to fail again as I know that it will just send me spiralling
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Default May 15, 2019 at 04:13 PM
  #48
Thinking of you, LBG.... (((HUGS)))
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Default May 16, 2019 at 08:10 AM
  #49
Hmm, well, I had a reply to my email

Thank you for this informative and helpful email.
I would like to take some time to consider the issues that you’ve raised, since they are so important. I shall get back to you over the weekend.


Not really sure what to make of that but I'll find out soon enough. I spoke to someone from the psychiatry service this morning
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and she recommended that I don't make any decisions about continuing or not until I have had a chance to discuss the issues with the therapist (preferably in person).
So, I guess for now I just have to wait and see if there is a way forward with this therapist...
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Default May 16, 2019 at 10:59 AM
  #50
Personally, I would like that she replied just to say that she needed to reflect before getting back to you - both so that you know she has received your email and because I prefer that someone take the time to think about something if they need to, rather than providing a response that might be inaccurate.

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Default May 16, 2019 at 12:57 PM
  #51
Oh, LBD - ((((((More Hugs)))))). I agree with Susannah that it is a positive sign the therapist at least wants to think about things before she gets back to you. I'm so sorry you're in such pain... You must just be feeling so hopeless to hurt yourself like that -- there has to be SOMEONE out there who can help you, either this therapist or another, and I know it's so much harder when you haven't a lot of money to pick and choose whom you see. Please keep us posted as to developments.

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Default May 16, 2019 at 01:43 PM
  #52
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Hmm, well, I had a reply to my email

Thank you for this informative and helpful email.
I would like to take some time to consider the issues that you’ve raised, since they are so important. I shall get back to you over the weekend.


Not really sure what to make of that but I'll find out soon enough. I spoke to someone from the psychiatry service this morning
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and she recommended that I don't make any decisions about continuing or not until I have had a chance to discuss the issues with the therapist (preferably in person).
So, I guess for now I just have to wait and see if there is a way forward with this therapist...
HUGS @littleblackdog I think it's good the T replied, even if it is just to say that the T needed more time to think. At least the T isn't just spouting off platitudes but is giving it serious thougts. So sorry about the SH. More HUGS Kit

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Default May 16, 2019 at 03:17 PM
  #53
I agree that it is good that she is considering what I said, if she had just spouted off a load of meaningless psychobabble then I would have been very unimpressed. BUT I am worried about what she is going to say - it took a lot for me to write the email as I don't want to be a nuisance, and I worry that she will decide that I am not worth helping.

I have to ring my psychiatrist tomorrow - I promised him that I would let him know if things got worse, and the person I spoke to this morning also told me to ring him. I don't think there is much he can do though
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