3 sessions in

Hopefully it wont happen all the time. I dont really know how to feel about her telling me I am in denial.

When do you see her again, Dnester? I'm wondering if perhaps you can write a statement to bring in with you for the next visit? It is very scary to "not know" what is "wrong" with us...and unfortunately, not every provider knows for sure, 100% of the time. While it appeared at first like this interim T was trying to push her books on your and/or rush you through "fusion," I think we on this end have no way of knowing what her intentions, thoughts, rules are.

There is an argument for saying, "Hey. You're kind of scaring me. I don't feel a lot of trust right now. I am trying to figure out WHAT my actual most likely diagnosis is, so that I /you/we can seek the appropriate treatment."

There is an argument for. "Look, lady. You are just my temporary person. I have all sorts of red flags coming up, and I just don't feel comfortable jumping in to something I don't quite understand."

There is an argument for, "Ok. I need to feel safe moving forward with you. I am willing to try this technique you are offering...but I need to know that if I say STOP then it needs to stop."

There is an argument for, "No. End of story." or "Yes, okay. I will try."

And on and on.... So we on this side of the keyboard can not really steer you in one direction or the other. Diagnosis can be a slippery fish. Many symptoms crossover. The likelihood of something terrible happening if you gave her a try is low, as long as you go in with open eyes, curiosity, and agency over your own choices.

Hope this all works out...I can relate to being passed around with doctor's scratching their heads...it is a powerless feeling. Take your power back, tell her what you need, tell her what you will and won't do, and then course correct as you go?

FearLess47

I wrote this. Tell me what you think. It is very discouraging not to know my diagnosis. K reffered me to you and she would never give me a straight answer. I do not know what is the best course of action for me to take is because I dont have a diagnosis. K is going to be out of town for 3 months but that does not mean we have to rush because she said if I was making progress with you I could stay with you as long as I needed. I feel uncomfortable at the very mention of fusing my alters because I do not know them well. I want to take everything slow. I want to mention her not following the guidelines but should I?I also dont know if I should adk her about the diagnosis thing because maybe she is sorting it out but she has already mentioned DDNOS even though it doesnt exist and low spectrum DID?

This is awesome. You can tell her that you are having diagnosis anxiety ("What Am I?") and at least, for an understanding of where things stand.

I can tell you that I have confused a lot of professionals in the past because I kept pretending like everything was fine and smiling through pain. I can also tell you that it has been a long process of things being "revealed" to myself and it is totally normal to feel confused, in denial, unsure. Now...with even the tiniest inkling of DID on the table and a new therapy team...I can tell that they are proceeding with much caution, so as to not give me yet another diagnosis, and to move in a safe and slow fashion. At the same time though, I have the right to know, as something like DID might be medicated differently than Bipolar 2 or not medicated at all. This annoys my clipboard carrying "person" who wants all things to be logical, timely and done in a 1.2.3. fashion. But, I understand now that it will take time, for them and me, to weed out what is what.

I can't tell you what to write or say or surmise from your session...but I think it is very powerful for you to walk in with a place to start. This way when fear and anxiety and all of that stuff pops up (and we lose our hearing, panic) then you will have stated your thoughts and feelings on the matter.

Also--there is a wide spectrum of how some conditions can manifest themselves....especially where dissociation is concerned. Try not to be too attached, at this very moment, what set of letters belong to you. It will likely be a fluid process of discovery...and there is no benefit in tagging it as this or that, yet.

FearLess47

Sorry...a couple more items (clipboard lady.)
It's one thing to want a concrete diagnosis for insurance purposes. That is what it is.
But with something like DID...we want to be a bit cautious. There is such a thing as a provider suggesting and/or inducing or encouraging DID.
This is a "trust your gut" situation. And if your gut is confused, then it is confused.
Sometimes things are discovered by a process of elimination, rather than a definitive "this IS what you have" or don't.
Seek what feels true, truly true to you. We (and even she) can only guess at times.
Wishing you freedom and clarity.
FL47

I'd maybe start out just by showing her the part I bolded. I think it's fine to say you're frustrated about not having a diagnosis. I'd maybe hold off on saying she isn't following the guidelines. Really, the main part here, to me, is you want to know your diagnosis and you want to take it slow.

Mentioning a certain diagnosis is not at all the same as being diagnosed.Just because those terms were thrown out there doesn't mean that's what it is.No different than going to a doctor and they mention that it might be pneumonia,it doesn't mean that it is though.They go over symptoms,do testing,etc and rule out other things before actually diagnosing someone with pneumonia.It sounds like that's what they're doing with you Dnester,trying to figure out what it is.And you need to be patient.You don't want to push for a diagnosis just because you don't like not knowing what's going on with you.

Also,about wanting to fuse your alters,don't forget about this part you said(which I think most of us didn't pay much attention to)

You have options,it's not being pushed on you.You said you even have the option to not do it at all.So you get to decide what you want to do.If you don't want to,just say so.

She said today that Ihave DID on the lower end of the spectrum because I dont lose time.

She said that was cool we could take it slow just some people want to move fast.

She said I could go in and get to know my parts on my own and then bring my journal to her. She said I could invite my parts to a garden or room ask when they came . if I wanted to play it on the tv and set the dvr so if I want to skip parts if it is to traumatizing I can.

She then told me these steps people taje with DID.

1) accepting diagnodiz and how it relates to your symptoms but you can go through denial
2)Create a inner dialogue amongst them so you can get to know them.
3) goal setting so they can be part of a team.
4) grief work-remove all walls so all parts shate secrets of trauma. Eliminating the need for walls.
5) unification- sharing of coconsciousness to create a working harmony of parts

That's good Dnester. It sounds like you got some answers and a plan forward. How do you feel about how the session went? HUGS Kit

I feel good about it. The only thing is I dont feel the attachment I felt with my T on vaca. I felt it right away with her.

Attachment can take a while. I've been seeing my current T sporadically since August and I'm not attached to her yet. I was attached to former T probably within 3 months and then it just got more and more attached.

This sounds like positive developments, Dnester.

FL47

I am realizing I don't even know what it means to "attach" and for some reason that attaching was a bad thing. I suppose I'll ask for your guys' help in another thread!

I'm so glad you have options, Dnester.

attaching to a therapist just means you like that therapist, enjoy working with that therapist, feel you have a connection with and to that therapist.

example I am attached to my therapist...

I feel comfortable when I am with her
I like how she explains things
I love that she takes time to listen to me and "gets me"
When its therapy day I am excited in seeing her again. I dont feel nervous or anxiety over what she will think about what I tell her.
I feel she and I have this special bond and connection and want whats best for me and my mental problems.

My gut is confused again 😐

Attachment is an internalized bond and trust that the connection and its inherent goodwill are true and lasting. The needs that are satisfied through attachment are primal.


Simply liking your T and getting along is alliance, not attachment.

Attachment is only an issue within therapy and its effectiveness if the client's needs are attachment-based. Not everyone experiences such needs.


Alliance is necessary, attachment is not.

No my gut is confused sbout whether I have DID again.

Dnester when is your next session with interim T? Can you explain some of your gut-doubts-struggles-confusion.

I have already talked to her about it several times. She tells me I am in denial.