If you give your therapist a book, is it reasonable to expect they read it?

If you give your therapist a book, is it reasonable to expect they read it?
If you give your therapist a CD, is it reasonable to expect they listen to it?

To my mind it's reasonable to expect anything, but whether they actually do it, is a whole different story.

No. You can ask, but they have the choice as to whether to read it or not. My guess is that they will if they are personally or professionally interested, but just because the request comes from a client doesn't guarantee the book is important to them personally or professionally.

No. Unless you want to pay them for the time it takes them to read it.

Having said that, my t once asked me to read a book. I did, and he said he would read it too (I don’t know if he did; I left him shortly thereafter).

No, it is not reasonable to expect she reads a book, unless she reads it in your session (like you ask her to read some important parts right there, then it is a reasonable request) but of course a T might be ok reading if it is something you have discussed before and she wants or agrees reading it.

No. It’s their choice to read the book or not. There isn’t anything wrong with asking them if they would be interested in reading it, but you can’t expect them to (well at least not on their personal time).

No. An unasked- for item that is thrust upon a person does not obligate anyone, not even a therapist.

I think it is not reasonable to expect that any other person, therapist or not, would watch/read/listen to something you give them. They can if they choose, but giving someone something is not, and should not be, a means of controlling their actions.

With the CD, it's not a big time investment and they can do other things while listening, so that's not so bad. But it takes several hours to read a book, so no, I don't think it's reasonable to expect a T to do that, unless they explicitly say they want to and will.

I don't think music, art, etc., is necessarily a great way to communicate because it's so subjective. A song that I think expresses my feelings perfectly, might strike somebody else as silly or grating or whatever. So I think what a song or book means to you is the more important thing and worth talking about in therapy, whether the T is familiar with it or not.

Agree. It isn't just about the time investment. Personal tastes and interests are really the major factor. I find listening to music other people "insist" I listen to basically either boring or torturous. I'm a bit that way about books. In fact, honestly, I'm probably least likely to read a book or listen to a CD when someone presses me about it, particularly if I'm pretty certain their personal tastes are different from mine.

Talk about the concepts/ideas you have gleaned from a book or music. Bring the book to session and just read short parts that you can't just paraphrase yourself to the therapist. It's the discussion of ideas that I would assume is most important. If you must, play part of a piece of music, but why not just print of the lyrics if it is the lyrics that matter?

I disagree completely on books, art, music being a poor way to communicate. I use these methods frequently; however, we do follow up with discussions around them, what they mean to me, why I brought them in and so on. Music is not just the lyrics, it has many layers and for me the instrumental elements are almost more meaningful than the words. There are many times where I don't have the words for my feelings and these things allow me to bring in something to get the discussion started and as we talk, my T helps me put words to what I was feeling. I also think one of the differences at least with sharing in therapy is the element of using these as tools to gain further understanding of the client's inner world; therefore, it's different than listening to or reading about something for pleasure sake.

As for reasonable to expect them to read or listen to something on their own time - I feel/believe it is not reasonable to expect they would read or listen to it. I feel it is fine to hope and wish they would. If you want to ensure it is done, then you'll need to spend session time doing it.

No. It's not reasonable to expect it. If it's something that's really important to you and your therapy, then you should express that. You could ask directly "will you please read this?", and you would probably get a direct "yes" or "no" in return.

No, it’s not reasonable to expect.

To state what seems obvious to me, do you ask them to read it or listen to it? If you do and they say yes, then i think it is reasonable to expect people, including therapists to do what they say they will do. They might not do it on your timetable or spontaneously report back about their thoughts about it, but I would take someone at their word.

If you don't ask them to read it, but simply foist the object on them, then no, I don't expect that's reasonable to believe they will do it.

No, they have no obligation to do so.

It is a kind gesture if they do so but expectation is not appropriate. It is like giving them homework i.e. taxing and time-consuming.

I have given R copies of Dr Seuss which he has thanked me for. I knew he would read it to his young daughter.

with the little prince book- I knew it might take him 3 years before he reads it ( to her) .

I don't know. I wanted to give L a copy of toko-pa Turner's book "Belonging" but I never got brave enough. I did give her an autographed (haha) copy of my book of poems after I published it a few years ago.

I need to start working on book #2.

If I was a therapist, a lot of it would depend on how long the book is. I would be fine listening to a song or reading a poem or children's book. It was long and heavy, then I wouldn't feel like I wanted to read it.

Yeah, that would be a no. It reminds me of students when they have wanted me to read a book so I would understand their point of view. For me it's their job to articulate their thoughts, not my job to somehow mind-meld with them. They would be free to paraphrase, summarize, or otherwise present the ideas to me and explain how they are relevant. But they need to do the work of synthesis because that's where the learning occurs.


I would say the same is true in therapy. I did bring a journal article to former T because I felt it was an accurate analysis of an issue I was having: I read a few passages and related them to the situation that was the issue and asked his feedback, all in session. I also gave him the article, which he read, because he requested the full text for his own use.

With current T, I have had her watch several music performances on YouTube in session because it was important that she be familiar with the referent for our discussion. But the longest of those was only 20 min.

Can I ask how that went, sharing Youtube videos of music in session? It's something I've considered with my T but wasn't sure how it would go?