Dilemma

goatee · May 12, 2019 at 09:23 PM

If your therapist used to sometimes do something for you that you really needed and appreciated – but she would only do it for you once in awhile – and you asked her if you could formalize it and do it regularly and consistently and she was horrified and said no. Would you ask her for reassurance that she would still continue to do it spontaneously once in awhile, or would you just not even bring that up for fear of that messing things up further and just wait to see if she does or doesn’t over the course of, say, a month? I think I’ve gotten myself in a real pickle by asking for what I wanted... would love any advice.

Rive1976 · May 12, 2019 at 09:42 PM

It depends on what it is. Can you elaborate?

goatee · May 12, 2019 at 09:50 PM

It’s being willing to have me come in to the office for an extra session when I’m struggling.

Omers · May 12, 2019 at 09:56 PM

Sadly I would try to drop it and only bring it up again when I REALLY needed it... but I suck at that so I would probably push it and get in trouble, break trust and snowball.

Rive1976 · May 12, 2019 at 10:02 PM

Yeah, I would wait until I really needed it as well.

goatee · May 12, 2019 at 10:06 PM

Thanks so much, guys. I’m scared that if I ask, I’ll make this even more of a thing and she won’t do it spontaneously anymore. But then, I’m also scared that I’ve already messed this up enough that she won’t do it spontaneously anymore anyway and by not asking, I’m just setting myself up to struggle through waiting to see and then it’ll be lost anyway.

Seelenna1982 · May 12, 2019 at 10:26 PM

I think I would be compelled to ask why it’s ok sometimes but not others. If you understand her reasoning behind it it may help you know when is good for you to ask.
I find it odd though that if you are willing to pay for more time, why she wouldn’t be open to it. Perhaps it’s something as simple as she doesn’t have the regular time open in her schedule every week.

NP_Complete · May 12, 2019 at 11:32 PM

I agree that I would want to know why she won't allow you to come more than, I assume, once a week. And why would she be horrified at you asking? That seems like an over-the-top reaction. I have heard that some therapists feel that more than once a week fosters dependency and they see that as "bad". Maybe your therapist is one of those. I see my therapist more than once a week and have been doing so for quite a while now, so there are definitely therapists out there who are fine with that arrangement.

ArtleyWilkins · May 13, 2019 at 08:47 AM

If the extra sessions were on occasion when you were struggling, and I am assuming you asked for more sessions regularly (?), then you really weren't asking for the same thing. It sounds like what you were asking for was more sessions per week regularly which isn't the same as "emergency" sessions in a crisis.

I would assume that, in a crisis, as before, your therapist will be available. She was just able or willing to add more regular sessions.

Are you sure she was "horrified"? Or is that your interpretation of why she said no?

goatee · May 13, 2019 at 10:28 AM

ArtleyWilkins- yes, that’s right about the distinction between the two. She really did seem horrified though. I wish she hadn’t.

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Rive1976 Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 1,740 6 144 hugs given	May 12, 2019 at 09:42 PM #2 It depends on what it is. Can you elaborate?
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goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	May 12, 2019 at 09:50 PM #3 It’s being willing to have me come in to the office for an extra session when I’m struggling.
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	May 12, 2019 at 09:56 PM #4 Sadly I would try to drop it and only bring it up again when I REALLY needed it... but I suck at that so I would probably push it and get in trouble, break trust and snowball. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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Rive1976 Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 1,740 6 144 hugs given	May 12, 2019 at 10:02 PM #5 Yeah, I would wait until I really needed it as well.
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goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	May 13, 2019 at 10:28 AM #10 ArtleyWilkins- yes, that’s right about the distinction between the two. She really did seem horrified though. I wish she hadn’t.
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