If you give a T a book and they decide not to read it...

If you give a T a book and they decide not to read it, do you think they should tell you they're not going to read it?

No I do not. Is this a gift to the therapist or is it a book you have been talking about wanting the therapist to read to benefit you somehow? Did you give it to the therapist and ask them to read it? If you asked them to read it - then some sort of response should be forthcoming -but otherwise no.
I hate it when students give me books. If I wanted to read a book, I would have done so. I don't want students fobbing them off on me.

What is this book reading thing about that you have going on?

No, not necessarily. What they do on their own dime is up to them.

no, like I said in the other thread what they do with it after they receive a book or cd from someone is up to them.

lets put it this way, would you like your treatment provider to come into your home and tell you what you can and cant do with your books and music and that you must tell them if you are not going to read them...

of course not right, whats been given to you be anyone is for you to control how and what and when you use them and if you .........choose ...........to tell someone how, what and when you are or are not reading books is up to you right..

treatment providers are the same. by giving them a book that book is now their own personal property to do what they want with, when and how and do not have to report to anyone what, how and when or if ever they read that book.

my suggestion if you have given your treatment provider something and are now regretting it or want to know if they like it or are using it, its ok to ask them, that does not mean they ..........Have...........to tell you. but it is ok for you to ask. it is ok to tell them that you are now regretting giving them that gift.

If you ask, they should tell you. It does seem to me that expecting people to do things for you without being explicit about it, that people should meet your needs and even know what they are without you stating them, seems to come from a young place, as if it were an issue someone is trying to resolve with their mother.

No. If it was unsolicited, they do not owe you an explanation as to what they did with it.

I also vote no, and I think it is unfair to push them by asking. Well, maybe not unfair to ask per se but don't be surprised if they don't read it and don't want to discuss. I think gifting a book is okay unless the T has made it clear they don't take gifts.

I think I give my poor T a novel each week to read in emails. But...
If I asked T to read a book I know the entire session would be discussing the reasons. T is admittedly not a reader and I suspect aside from being daunting for him he is a slow reader or has trouble reading (pure assumptions from my days teaching and discovering students with reading difficulties).
T would want to know why it was important to me. He would most likely ask me to summarize it or tell him the parts that resonated with me. He would try to find a middle ground. Maybe even read it together in session.
If I persisted that he needed to read the book I suspect he would (rightfully in my opinion) charge me for his time based on the fee scale he uses for other paperwork tasks that are outside the norm of therapy.
I could never be angry at him for refusing (although he would expect me to) but could see myself as disappointed.

No, I wouldn't have any expectations at all. After all, they are pretty busy and I wouldn't profess to know or dictate their preferred reading material. Had you talked about this book beforehand in therapy? Had your therapist indicated an interest? Or did you just show up out of the blue and spring the book on them?

This is really interesting as my psychiatrist and I talk about books all the time. On occasion we will exchange them with one another and a few times we have gone out and bought ourselves our very own copy. BUT, and this is key here, we have always discussed the book before we have presented one or the other with the volume. Meanwhile, my therapist and I have done this too but only several times. My therapist and I usually exchange books that are on the earthy side of the self-help sort of subjects: "Women Who Run With The Wolves," and a workbook on CBT Yoga. My psychiatrist and I usually talk about books a little more high brow and academic. He did once give me a copy of a book written by our current Prime Minister's mother, Margaret Trudeau. She is famous for her odd behaviour and eventual bipolar diagnosis. The autobiography was very good and I recommend it.

But no, I would not be so presumptuous to expect they get around to reading them - even if they had shown interest.

I was hoping you'd clarify the situation in the other thread about T reading a book, but with this information, I'd say that if she didn't promise to read something but got an unasked gift she is not particularly responsible telling what she did with it. But if asked directly I think she should answer thruthfully if she did or did not. I do not know if this is the situation at all with you.

No. Ts are not accountable to clients regarding books i.e. homework, clients give them outside of session time.

That's a very unrealistic demand or imposition on them.

If given a book, I think that a therapist should respond honestly if a client ASKS whether or not they intend to read it. I see that as more of a social courtesy. I don't think a gifted book obligates the receiver to report back to the gifter unprompted.

Personally, I have little time for pleasure reading and quit my beloved book club due to time restraints. My friends have given me books which I knew would take me an extremely long time to get to. I do plan to read them, but I am glad my friends have never followed up.

Your therapist is not required to tell you what they did with the book. If it was me who was given the book, and I either chose not to or had no time to read the volume, I either would not have accepted it to begin with or returned it. That said, I think the real question is why the therapist did not do this. Is transference an issue or would this otherwise be a touchy and triggering subject. Obviously there is a lot more to the story here.

I give my therapist things to read all the time- emails, articles, a couple of book suggestions. I don’t have an expectation that he must read any of these things, but I really don’t want him to tell me if he doesn’t. I figure if he does and it’s relevant, it will come up at some point. If he doesn’t or it’s not relevant, then it won’t come up.

I think it would probably hurt my feelings if he went out of his way to inform me he didn’t read something I suggested, but I’m totally ok with him either reading something or not reading it as he likes.

To be fair, if the therapist gave me a book, I probably wouldn't have read it and wouldn't have bothered telling the woman whether I had done so or not.

Yes, they should tell you, explore why not, and hand it back if they aren't willing to read it. This is the important work of having clear boundaries. It is much like any gift.

Recently, I asked my T to read chapter 7 of Jessica Benjamin Beyond Doer and Done To. He usually is strict with no, but he decided to read it. He wouldn't keep the book though, and handed it back after we discussed the ideas that Only One Can Live and the restoration of a Lawful World in terms of specifics from my childhood and in culture. Bc he usually says no to anything outside the frame, it made me feel he cared about the ideas and me.

There is no way he would accept any kind of book as a gift.

My “motherly” therapist, who had a large lending library, happily accepted my enthusiastic loan of two or three books which I childishly hoped to share with her. Then she refused my request for the books’ return a couple of months later, explaining she hadn’t read them yet. I never got my loans back.

I now speculate she built her lovely library on her clients’ fantasies of enjoying their favorite psych books with her. But she took my books with a lilt in her voice and a warm smile.

I am so, so sorry.

This description struck me as incredible sad and depressing.

My therapists’ parental and authoritarian posing unsurprisingly activated infantile, regressive responses. I’ve yet to meet an adult free of all childish impulses, particularly when manipulated to release them.

Boo! Now I'm just as disappointed as before, but I don't even have the moral compensation of being right.