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Lemoncake
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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:09 AM
  #421
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Originally Posted by NP_Complete View Post
I wonder, do you get used to being in prison? Does it become just another mode of existence eventually? Or is it a traumatic way to live with dudes threatening to beat you up or rape you all the time?
One of my aunts works in a female prison .I think you do adapt, but i think there will always be the threat of being attacked.

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Lemoncake
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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:11 AM
  #422
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Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker View Post
I got called a troll on fb because I was attempting to answer a question on a q&a page and got told to butt out a private conversation. I then pointed out it was a public forum and I did not know the conversation was private and suggested they try messenger instead. I got called a troll! Luckily lots of other people pointed out the same thing.
Geez someone got their knickers in twist. I would agree with you.If it's private stick with PMs.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:13 AM
  #423
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I had to push my brain to remember what this reminded me of: i used to tell my t/pdoc that there were SOOOO many things we were in sync on and that was why he should marry me. I saw him for 3 years. At first i was actually keeping score, then i switched to one million and 45 reasons etc. Good times!

People probably dont like people who keep count. Sing THAT, Barbra!
I kept a count of tissues I took from R, and bought him a box to replace the ones I used. The me of then didn't even think I was worth his tissues.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:15 AM
  #424
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Rumor has it that he sold his soul to the devil, so actual shadow ownership may be in question.
I loved this NP and I thought it was funeh too!


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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:21 AM
  #425
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Ah, yes, another fight with H because I tried to be close with him and vulnerable... so now at 2am on a Sunday I am going back and forth between my phone and my iPad to see if T emailed me back... not that it makes a difference which device, T seldom responded to emails on weekends and isn’t responding to them at all any more... so I am curled up around my transitional object of T with “Man cat of the house”... the two “men” my husband is most jealous of... yes, he is honest to god jealous of Coal, AKA Big Sexy Man Cat of the House”... it is an 18lb black cat that eats mice all day, comes home for cat food and collapses, knocked out cold in my room every night... sigh.


I'm glad Big Sexy is looking after you. I'm sorry H didn't take the chance to connect with you. Can you flip through T's older emails?

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Default May 19, 2019 at 02:24 AM
  #426
Dunno what I'm doing. I feel very spaced out and I sent another email canceling my session after asking for it back yesterday. I just hate being so emotionally dependent. It feels like an addiction to him.

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Last edited by Lemoncake; May 19, 2019 at 02:43 AM..
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Default May 19, 2019 at 03:17 AM
  #427
Morning, Couch.

Belated birthday dinner tonight, and the online writing group I attend is also meeting. No prizes for guessing where I would rather be.

Hope everyone has a good day.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 07:06 AM
  #428
Well, I think the meds for sleep are working, I am still waking up a lot and tossing and turning but what sleep I am getting is far more restful. Pdoc warned that this med sometimes makes people numb... I wish! I think I have been in survival mode and self medicating with adrenaline, caffeine and sugar... well, the med seems to render the adrenaline and caffeine useless. So... my emotional reactions to things are much more in line with what T originally expected me to be feeling and has not been sure as to why I wasn’t feeling it.
I don’t think there will be any counting tissues tomorrow but it may be bring your own box... I tend to not want to take anything from T not even a tissue.
Yes, Coal, AKA Big Sexy and his little brother Kindle (Coal is like 18lbs Kindle is about 8) kept a paw on my emotional need for closeness all night along with my weighted lap pad that reminds me of T/T’s office.
Aaaand... Kindle has done the morning “tighty whities” check... (the only way I could tell them apart as kittens was that Coal is all black and Kindle has a white patch that looks like underwear)... every morning Kindle likes to start his day with a good belly rub and I joke that it is the clean underwear check (ahh yes, the mother of boys...)

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Lemoncake
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Default May 19, 2019 at 08:07 AM
  #429
I'm listening to a random audiobook that came up in my suggestions. The main hero is called Rule. His brothers are Rome and Remi. It's so angsty it's good. Maybe I just feel better because chocolate brownie ice cream understands me.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 08:47 AM
  #430
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Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
Dunno what I'm doing. I feel very spaced out and I sent another email canceling my session after asking for it back yesterday. I just hate being so emotionally dependent. It feels like an addiction to him.
Hugs Lemoncake. I sure relate to that - I know that I was (am?) addicted to therapy/ L. So I probably should not call her on Monday, should i. I need to just continue this letting go of my attachment/addiction.
 
 
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Default May 19, 2019 at 09:49 AM
  #431
Is it really an addiction to therapy or to something that therapy provides? Validation, connection, attention, etc.?

Because there are other ways to get those.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 09:49 AM
  #432
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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn View Post
Hugs Lemoncake. I sure relate to that - I know that I was (am?) addicted to therapy/ L. So I probably should not call her on Monday, should i. I need to just continue this letting go of my attachment/addiction.
I've gotten into a pattern of sending a bunch of emails, but he usually only replies to one. He said last time it was pretty amazing how much I allowed myself to feel. Even though I say I don't want the session I know he will still save it for me and I'll turn up on tuesday (or wenesday if he has any free slots).

Artie I'm sorry for swaying things for you. I think the way I feel now is super child like. But I think dependency is needed for me anyway. Babies need their parents 100% and do cling, but once they're ready they start exploring on their own- because they have that secure base.

When R took his first holiday which was for only a week . I freaked out and I believed he wouldn't even come back. His breaks now are actually more manageable.

I think you can run away and avoid things for a bit, but they're still there at the end of the day.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:11 AM
  #433
@@ - The black Mirror season 5 trailer just for you:

YouTube

And Dark comes back too in june!

You might also like The Society- it's set in a high school though.

Possible trigger:


Just makes me glad I'm not 15 anymore,

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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:20 AM
  #434
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Is it really an addiction to therapy or to something that therapy provides? Validation, connection, attention, etc.?


Because there are other ways to get those.
well, maybe going back once to work on that dream would be a good test to see if I am getting enough of those things now from my other relationships?
 
 
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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:20 AM
  #435
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Is it really an addiction to therapy or to something that therapy provides? Validation, connection, attention, etc.?

Because there are other ways to get those.
For me It would be what it provides. I guess feel heard and I like the attention too.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:23 AM
  #436
I'm trying to choose a new audiobook, and although I've had many great suggestions, I cannot make a choice.

I'm enjoying memoirs at the moment, but after bracing through a long medical passage in Joan Didion's Blue Nights, I am in need of something much lighter.

No violence, no sex, no gore.

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'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
Just hold on tight, that's all you gotta do...'

Steve Earle - Fort Worth Blues

'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin
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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:43 AM
  #437
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Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
I've gotten into a pattern of sending a bunch of emails, but he usually only replies to one. He said last time it was pretty amazing how much I allowed myself to feel. Even though I say I don't want the session I know he will still save it for me and I'll turn up on tuesday (or wenesday if he has any free slots).


Artie I'm sorry for swaying things for you. I think the way I feel now is super child like. But I think dependency is needed for me anyway. Babies need their parents 100% and do cling, but once they're ready they start exploring on their own- because they have that secure base.


When R took his first holiday which was for only a week . I freaked out and I believed he wouldn't even come back. His breaks now are actually more manageable.


I think you can run away and avoid things for a bit, but they're still there at the end of the day.
It wasn't you I've been waffling back and forth anyway.... Couch 196: Cinnamon SwirlsCouch 196: Cinnamon SwirlsCouch 196: Cinnamon SwirlsCouch 196: Cinnamon SwirlsCouch 196: Cinnamon SwirlsCouch 196: Cinnamon Swirls
 
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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:49 AM
  #438
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Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
I'm trying to choose a new audiobook, and although I've had many great suggestions, I cannot make a choice.

I'm enjoying memoirs at the moment, but after bracing through a long medical passage in Joan Didion's Blue Nights, I am in need of something much lighter.

No violence, no sex, no gore.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise. It’s a novel but based on Fitzgerald’s own youth, so memoirish.

No violence, sex, or gore that I recall. Cynicism, though.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:51 AM
  #439
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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn View Post
well, maybe going back once to work on that dream would be a good test to see if I am getting enough of those things now from my other relationships?
Art—if you want to go back, go for that reason. Not to test anything.

Are you still going to CODA meetings?
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Default May 19, 2019 at 10:54 AM
  #440
No, I stopped going when the overtime at work started cuz Sunday was my overtime day and the meetings were on Sunday. I was still doing the workbook for awhile, but I'm not anymore.
 
 
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