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Unhappy May 14, 2019 at 01:25 PM
  #1
Last week was a tough session. T got on me about crumbling in session so then he said that he wants me to try mindfulness in relation to controlling my emotions better.

I was extremely disappointed that he doesn’t think that the stuff that I think are important is significant.

I tried to tell him that opening up is difficult for me but he doesn’t believe me and I don’t know what else to say to help him understand.

For example, I tried to explain about my vulnerability last week and how that was major for me but he made a comment that basically meant that he thinks opening up is easy for me.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 01:37 PM
  #2
I don't think him suggesting mindfulness practices equates to him not thinking that what you are discussing is insignificant. Have you read any books on mindfulness? It might help to do a bit of research about it so that you have a better understanding of how mindfulness can help in relieving anxiety, depression, spiraling thought patterns, etc. Did he offer to teach you about mindfulness?

Last edited by ArtleyWilkins; May 14, 2019 at 02:42 PM..
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Default May 14, 2019 at 01:48 PM
  #3
I have experience with mindfulness from my first pdoc and I still have a ton of mindfulness books and apps. I told him that mindfulness is difficult for me because of my ADHD.

I reluctantly agreed to try it again.

I just wish he understood how difficult it is for me to open up. He said that I was an open book but I’m not like that with everyone so it feels like my feelings aren’t being validated. I don’t know how to explain it in a way that he understands.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 02:37 PM
  #4
It may not be that he doesn't understand what you're saying, but he doesn't agree. A therapist may not always agree with your assessments about yourself, particularly if they are about negative traits or certain things you think you can't do. Perhaps what he meant by "open book" is that you are honest about what's going on with you, and perhaps he thinks that you open up so well it must be relatively easy for you, at least compared to other people who have trouble talking at all.

I think it's a good thing when a therapist believes his client is more competent and she is also capable of doing things without such difficult that she falls apart. To hold a sense of a person at their best rather than collude in a belief that everything is so hard for you and you're not good at this or that or can't do this or that because of your diagnosis or problems is a kind of inspiration.

But it's is also not your therapist's job to agree with you, about yourself or about anything. And how would him "understanding" that it's too hard for you help you move forward with your issues? You might like the validation, but is he really stopping you from moving forward. Couldn't he, in fact, be encouraging you on?
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Default May 14, 2019 at 03:03 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
But it's is also not your therapist's job to agree with you, about yourself or about anything. And how would him "understanding" that it's too hard for you help you move forward with your issues? You might like the validation, but is he really stopping you from moving forward. Couldn't he, in fact, be encouraging you on?
It seems to me that Hope's concern is not that her it is her therapist's job to agree with her, but that it is her job to work towards explaining her internal experience in order that it can be heard by an other. Isn't this a basic aim of most therapies? I think you are too keen to dismiss one of Hope's primitive and vulnerable wishes - to speak clearly and to be heard accurately.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by comrademoomoo View Post
It seems to me that Hope's concern is not that her it is her therapist's job to agree with her, but that it is her job to work towards explaining her internal experience in order that it can be heard by an other. Isn't this a basic aim of most therapies? I think you are too keen to dismiss one of Hope's primitive and vulnerable wishes - to speak clearly and to be heard accurately.
I do want to be heard. It’s hard for me to talk about my internal experience but it’s also hard to not feel heard.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 03:30 PM
  #7
I feel nervous too. The last several sessions have been difficult. It seems she is starting to play hardball with me. I guess I am due as I can honestly say our sessions for the last six months have really been little more than chit chatting. I suppose she is encouraging real work to be done - and it is hard. Not just the sessions are hard but the homework I must do - and I am not doing so I just know I am going to disappoint her and that makes me feel worse than I did to begin with. I realise headway has got to be made but I am either lazy or just don't feel ready for it. I am stuck. And I worry about her reaction.

Hope, I think a lot of us struggle with the sense we are not being heard. I think some of the time they truly aren't listening but I have wondered too if it is the system. Many benefit packages operate on a structured recommended plan of action. They may only allow so many hours worth of therapy. I have thought that this might be a case of why some therapist's appear to be sterner and more aggressive. They have to manage as much success and recovery in a client as they can in that limited period of time. Oh how fortunate it must be to retain a therapist for an indefinite time frame. In my own case, my therapy is paid for by Veterans' affairs (Canada). Recently, things changed regarding funding of this and various other plans. My therapist had to draw up a recovery plan and submit it back to my case manager. She is working under a thumb then and I recognise she is struggling as things are not moving along according to the plan. Hence, there are times I raise a secondary issue I'd like to talk about only for very little time being spent discussing it as she wants to refocus on the deeper problem. Frankly I am growing tired of this. Things I want to talk about matter regardless of the priority. I am non confrontational though. I am not able to raise my own voice regarding what I think ought to be the agenda.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #8
My mood has dropped again. I really don’t want to tell him that I’m still feeling depressed. I almost feel like pretending to be happy.
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Default May 14, 2019 at 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
I feel nervous too. The last several sessions have been difficult. It seems she is starting to play hardball with me. I guess I am due as I can honestly say our sessions for the last six months have really been little more than chit chatting. I suppose she is encouraging real work to be done - and it is hard. Not just the sessions are hard but the homework I must do - and I am not doing so I just know I am going to disappoint her and that makes me feel worse than I did to begin with. I realise headway has got to be made but I am either lazy or just don't feel ready for it. I am stuck. And I worry about her reaction.

Hope, I think a lot of us struggle with the sense we are not being heard. I think some of the time they truly aren't listening but I have wondered too if it is the system. Many benefit packages operate on a structured recommended plan of action. They may only allow so many hours worth of therapy. I have thought that this might be a case of why some therapist's appear to be sterner and more aggressive. They have to manage as much success and recovery in a client as they can in that limited period of time. Oh how fortunate it must be to retain a therapist for an indefinite time frame. In my own case, my therapy is paid for by Veterans' affairs (Canada). Recently, things changed regarding funding of this and various other plans. My therapist had to draw up a recovery plan and submit it back to my case manager. She is working under a thumb then and I recognise she is struggling as things are not moving along according to the plan. Hence, there are times I raise a secondary issue I'd like to talk about only for very little time being spent discussing it as she wants to refocus on the deeper problem. Frankly I am growing tired of this. Things I want to talk about matter regardless of the priority. I am non confrontational though. I am not able to raise my own voice regarding what I think ought to be the agenda.
I’m so sorry that you’re in that situation. I know it’s difficult. Hugs
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Default May 15, 2019 at 09:16 AM
  #10
He is late getting me.
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Default May 15, 2019 at 09:28 AM
  #11
Hugs i hope you have a good session today.
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Default May 15, 2019 at 12:07 PM
  #12
I had an excellent session today despite my horrible anxiety and also he had a challenging situation to handle today with a deposition regarding another patient. However, it was after I left that I realized the best part of what I was talking about today so I emailed it to him. Today he actually seemed caring and interested even though I kind of expected him to be kind of distracted regarding the deposition thing. I felt compassion for him because I wish he didn’t have to deal with that situation.

I think he realized how connection was important to me because last week he said that connection and caring was in the difficult process of therapy.
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Default May 15, 2019 at 12:11 PM
  #13
So glad you had a good session.

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Default May 15, 2019 at 12:45 PM
  #14
Hugs so glad you had a good session with him. Hugs
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Default May 15, 2019 at 04:31 PM
  #15
I’m really glad that he’s my T.
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Default May 16, 2019 at 07:51 AM
  #16
I feel nervous about my post in this thread regarding his situation because that can identify me.
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Default May 16, 2019 at 03:02 PM
  #17
Can someone help me get this thread removed?
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Default May 16, 2019 at 03:06 PM
  #18
I don't see anything in this thread that is particularly specific or identifiable, but you have to contact a moderator to get a thread removed.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 07:25 PM
  #19
I did but it still wasn’t removed.
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