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Forgetmenot07
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Default May 19, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #1
This is something that has been on my mind for a while. My T mentioned a few times that I am very cognitive about my emotions and that I talk about them but he doesn't see me displaying any in therapy. This came up in relation to sadness . I tried explaining that I am not there to feel but to process and discuss what is going on in my life outside of the room, that I might be sad that day but I come to therapy not to simply feel sad. I don't see the benefit of sitting with emotions with someone that you are not close too. Its different with friend or family when its more natural and time is not limited.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 12:54 PM
  #2
I'm not sure of your ask/question here. I can say from my experience, I do show emotions with my T and it has been helpful to have her be with me as I internally work through the emotions and to help ground me when it has become too much.

I do not have friends or family that I feel safe being emotional with/around. I often feel like I must protect them from my emotions. Therapy has been a place where I don't have to worry about that. If you can express these emotions comfortably around others, then you might not need to or feel the need to express them within your therapy.

I guess, I would say that displaying and sitting with the emotions while in therapy is another way of processing the feelings that have come up for someone. As you posted in one of your other threads, you've been in therapy now for several years. Perhaps there is an element of hiding within the desire to intellectualize and discuss the feelings rather expressing the feelings directly when in therapy? What would be the harm if you were to allow yourself to physically respond to the feeling (say sadness) with your therapist? Do you restrain emotions that are typically though of as positive or uplifting feelings such as humor/laughter to discuss and process out those feelings or do you share the stories while smiling and laughing? If you express the positive emotions but not the negative/sad ones - why the duel standard?

It is completely possible that you don't need to express/display the emotions within your therapy session. If you really feel that, perhaps asking your T what he'd hope you would gain by displaying an emotion that is more congruent with your feelings rather than to maintain a level/type of distance from it so to engage in the analysis of the feeling.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 01:21 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forgetmenot07 View Post
This is something that has been on my mind for a while. My T mentioned a few times that I am very cognitive about my emotions and that I talk about them but he doesn't see me displaying any in therapy. This came up in relation to sadness . I tried explaining that I am not there to feel but to process and discuss what is going on in my life outside of the room, that I might be sad that day but I come to therapy not to simply feel sad. I don't see the benefit of sitting with emotions with someone that you are not close too. Its different with friend or family when its more natural and time is not limited.
This is some textbook therapisty thing they like to bring up. But some people just naturally have a calm and composed demeanor, it does not mean that they don't feel emotions intensely inside. Others use more emotional expression. I personally don't see a preference for a rational expression a problem at all (and I have that preference myself) unless it is excessive and blocks the ability to experience, process and use emotions constructively in life. If you like to be more emotional with people close to you, it also does not sound like you are not able to connect and have meaningful relationships. If you don't have a problem experiencing and expressing emotions in everyday life, I would not worry that it's not what you want to use therapy for and tell the T just that. If you do have those kinds of issues, then maybe it's worth digging into it more and seeing what blocks it.
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Default May 19, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #4
The first woman told me I never showed any emotion in therapy and that I only operated from the neck up. I have no idea what she was talking about. When I asked what she meant, she refused to explain what showing emotion would be except maybe crying. I think once she said I showed her anger -but I really don't know how I was any different than I usually was. The second one said I did not show much affect but that she thought I had a lot of emotions going on inside-but again - no one would tell me what the other choices were. I had no urge to cry or laugh near a therapist and I certainly did not have an urge to use overly hysterical language. I really have no idea what the woman was going on about.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 03:29 PM
  #5
I can Express positive emotions in therapy. Negative emotions I struggle with. I can count on one hand the times I have cried in therapy. I would like to express negative emotions more but can't. Usually I disassociate when things are getting emotional.

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Default May 19, 2019 at 04:27 PM
  #6
I struggle allot with showing any negative emotions in therapy. I have only cried a few times in therapy and always felt guilty afterwards. I smile and laugh in my sessions though and my tears do come to the surface, but thats as far as it is. I probably would feel so much better if i felt my emotions instead of stuffing them down
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Default May 19, 2019 at 06:20 PM
  #7
Good topic! No easy answers. I have been accused (rightly so) for years by several T's that I am very cognitively aware and have a high "emotional IQ" but that I do not seem to "feel" the feelings I am discussing. Dissociation seems to be the answer for me. I just go bye bye in terms of "feeling" something yet can talk about it, almost seemingly process it, etc...all while not having experienced anything more than words coming out of my mouth.

Working on it! Don't have any good answers. I am with a new trauma therapist now who will stop and ask "and what are you feeling right now? What are you experiencing in your body?"

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