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deflatedballoon
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Default May 21, 2019 at 06:27 AM
  #1
Today I told my T about a distressing situation involving a loved one receiving a terminal diagnosis. We talked for a good 45 mins, T even shed a few tears and tried to run through an emotion identification exercise.

At the end of the session T said 'none of this has been helpful has it?'. I hadn't indicated that it wasn't helping in anyway, T just came out with this statement.

I thought the session was helpful, which I told T.

I'm wondering why they thought I was thinking it wasn't helpful? Are they perhaps doubting their ability? Or was I maybe not enthusiastic enough? I was quite low considering I'm processing terrible news...

Not sure what to think... Has this ever happened to anyone else?
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Default May 21, 2019 at 06:34 AM
  #2
Sounds to me like they were expressing their own self-doubt, and perhaps helplessness at not being able to make your situation better. It sounds like quite an unskilled and lacking in self-awareness kind of thing to say. Sounds almost like they were seeking either reassurance from you, or confirmation of their fears. I would discuss this with the therapist and tell them how you felt about it. hopefully they will take this away to supervision or therapy or whatever and reflect on how they manage their own feelings in the room.

Sorry to hear about your loved one.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 07:07 AM
  #3
Perhaps your therapist is simply expressing the fact that no amount of talking about this particular situation is going to change the situation itself.

When my sister was dying, it was validating that my therapist acknowledged my own hopelessness and helplessness in the situation. He knew nothing he said, nothing we talked about, was going to ultimately change the outcome. I appreciated that honesty about a rather overwhelming and incredibly sad situation in my life. I preferred that acknowledgment above and beyond a therapist that would in any way claim to somehow be able to help me feel better about that situation.

I don't see it as expressing self-doubt at all. I see it as expressing and validating the tragedy and hopelessness of the situation rather than trying to "fix" it.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 09:41 AM
  #4
Emdr T is a firm believe is saying what is happening especially when it comes to anxiety.

She has said the same thing a few times. When my T passed and I was an emotional wreck she said it a couple of times. I think it was expressing how she felt. It was if she k ew no matter what she said or did the emotional pain I was feeling was going to change.

Sometimes I think it is about doubting her abilities when something isnt working. I dont see it as a bad thing. Only once has she said something that wasn't helpful and she saw it in my face. She immediately apologized.

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Default May 21, 2019 at 11:06 AM
  #5
Yes, that's happened to me before. I think there's an acknowledgement that words aren't going to change the situation. But there is also something to the fact that someone is there with you, sitting with you, being with you through the situation, and that can be extremely helpful. I think it would help to ask T what they meant by it. It could mean the former that words weren't going to be enough. Or it could have been just their own feelings coming out at that time, which didn't sound particularly helpful to you. I'm sorry for what you're going through. HUGS Kit

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Default May 21, 2019 at 07:01 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Perhaps your therapist is simply expressing the fact that no amount of talking about this particular situation is going to change the situation itself.

When my sister was dying, it was validating that my therapist acknowledged my own hopelessness and helplessness in the situation. He knew nothing he said, nothing we talked about, was going to ultimately change the outcome. I appreciated that honesty about a rather overwhelming and incredibly sad situation in my life. I preferred that acknowledgment above and beyond a therapist that would in any way claim to somehow be able to help me feel better about that situation.

I don't see it as expressing self-doubt at all. I see it as expressing and validating the tragedy and hopelessness of the situation rather than trying to "fix" it.

I agree with you completely. There have been times when my therapist gently let me know that there was no real fix for what I was sharing. That makes her honest, not lacking in self confidence or compassion. Sometimes we just have to deal with what is and grieve.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 09:05 PM
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My T said once that with some things, the only thing we have is the power of knowledge and insight.
I took away so much from that statement. Sometimes all she can offer me is a better understanding, and that alone can be enough.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 10:12 PM
  #8
I never found the woman actively helpful. It was helpful for me to have a place to vent/grieve etc without having to care at all about the therapist when my person was sick and dying. For me, it would have been nice if the therapist had acknowledged her uselessness. But I found it annoying when she thought she had done something she had not, so it would have shown me she had some awareness if she had told me she knew she was not helpful

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