FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 70
5 53 hugs
given |
#1
I posted this in another therapy forum, because I'm just desperate to get it off my chest and wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation. This is how I obsess. I'm overwhelmed and pissed off for no reason, really.
It takes a lot for me to come out of my shell, and even when I am out, I'm still unsure who I am. I do hesitate a lot and have mentioned in the past how my therapist makes faces and I read them wrong all the time and that I downplay my pain with humor. It's not his fault, I do it with everyone. But he says he feels like he hasn't been doing such a great job with me because he wants to create a safe place for me and after 6 months, I'm still shy. I'm still nervous, I still fidget, I still censor myself and I don't always speak up when I have a problem with him. He said I worry too much about wanting to be liked by him. He said I should feel comfortable to say anything, even if I come off as an asshole. That's the place to be an asshole, supposedly. Him telling me this was like a knife to the heart. It hurt because it really made me feel like he thinks he's failing with me. After going home, instead of sitting with my feelings, understanding where I feel it in my body and controlling the urges it brings out of me, I wrote him an email telling him I'm really like this with everyone and then a 2nd email this morning when I was pissed because I'm scared and unsure and It felt like i was being run over by a bulldozer. I even told him if the email did anger him (that's my fear, he never expressed this) then "**** you." He might be a bit confused. I didn't leave angry. I'm just feeling uncomfortable and trying to hang on till my next appointment. I'm still not sure who I'm supposed to be. |
Reply With Quote |
LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
|
Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#2
Hey, CD.
6 months is a relatively short time in therapy terms. I've been with my current therapist for around 2.5 years, and I'm only just getting to the point where I can open up. (If my Critic will let me.) I don't have the full picture, obviously, but it sounds to me like your T is really trying to help you come out of your shell. I hope you can reach an understanding. Take care, Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
Reply With Quote |
CartDown
|
CartDown
|
Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 70
5 53 hugs
given |
#3
Quote:
Thanks, Lost. I should say it's been more like over 7 months, but still. I hate how these things overwhelm me as much as they do. I plan to let a lot out during my next session, but I've said that to myself before. I really don't want him to feel like he's not good at what he does. Maybe saying "**** you" didn't help get that point across, though. Ugh. |
|
Reply With Quote |
LostOnTheTrail
|
Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,797
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#4
You're welcome, CD.
Do you journal at all? I find it quite helpful, when I can get into that headspace. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#5
It sounds like it came across to you that he was telling you to be different in the sessions? If that is so, then what he said is the opposite of acceptance, and no wonder you’ve had an emotional reaction to that. I think that one of the greatest things our T can give us is acceptance and respect, even maybe love for who we are.
|
Reply With Quote |
CartDown
|
underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,731
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#6
Who do you go as? I don't understand the whole going as someone else idea.
I also never experienced therapists as accepting or respectful. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Reply With Quote |
CartDown
|
CartDown
|
Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: United States
Posts: 70
5 53 hugs
given |
#7
I really should explain that during our session before last, I was tipsy and more willing to admit a lot of things, including things like how I'm too afraid to express negative emotions sometimes because he may think of it as attention seeking behaviour because of my known feelings towards him. I think it bothered him and made him think I wasn't comfortable enough, so he doesn't want me to be someone else, he just wants me to be me. Flaws and all. I just don't know how to do that because I'm always on my toes and fear being rejected.
|
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#8
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|