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Anonymous42076
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Trig May 22, 2019 at 01:02 AM
  #1
I drove past a suicide prevention center today, and I tried to think of the things they did there since I couldn't look it up right away.

I could only come up with it being a call center, raising awareness, and probably some kind of training. I haven't found much on what else you could expect except the same stuff you might hear if you suffer from a major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, or something

After 10 months of no suicidal thoughts, I've started to have dreams and thoughts of dying again..

If you felt like therapy helped rid you of suicidal ideation, did it come from solving problems that related depression and other disorders, or was it more direct?
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ChickenNoodleSoup
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Default May 22, 2019 at 06:26 AM
  #2
I'd not say my issues are completely resolved yet, but significant reduction in suicidal ideation for me came from resolving other issues that made me feel like suicide was the best option.

I'm not sure what such a center does in the US. I know in my country we have some places where you can go when you feel suicidal. They host you until you feel better, similar to a hospital stay. They don't really treat the underlying issue, they look that you're safe until you can get help for the stuff causing you to feel this way again.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 08:39 AM
  #3
For me, it seemed to just fade away so I'd go with resolving other issues. I'll still have some thoughts now and again; however, they are fleeting and don't return for a long time. Mostly, it seems like it is not my go to back up plan. The images are also not as vivid, comforting, or something. I'd say that I'm still working through it as there are many times where I don't want to live, I also don't want to die. I think that's been a change for me, the not wanting to die part. There's now a voice inside that says I don't want to die, it might be getting closer to having more days of saying that I want to live, I'm not sure.

It took 2ish years for me to get to the place where I realized I wasn't having suicidal thoughts or violent images on basically a daily bases; and when I did have them they were not rewarding/relieving.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 08:53 AM
  #4
Suicidal ideation (and more seriously, planning and attempts) were probably my major issue as the result of PTSD and the subsequent recurrent depression and anxiety that resulted. I was rather debilitated by it, ending up hospitalized about 15 times over a period of 8 years or so, going through ECT treatment twice during that time.

The good news is that it is all gone now. It did finally turn around for me.

I think much depends on what the underlying cause is for the ideation, so treatment clearly can vary.

For me, what ultimately made the most change were the following:

1. My therapist did an excellent job of moving me through the relevant processing of my history and how it was playing out in my present-day thought cycles. Ideation is a thought process, at least it was for me. It really was much more about thinking than feeling.

Understanding where those thoughts were coming from was important because I was reacting as if the depression and anxiety and suicidal thinking was all emotion, completely out of my control, when in actuality all of those symptoms came as a reaction to my thinking, particularly my thinking as it revolved around my trauma.

We worked a great deal on what we referred to as mistaken beliefs or core beliefs about myself that I had brought into my present from early childhood due to my history of abuse and somewhat to my basic personality. Doing a bit of archeological digging into the origins of those mistaken ideas about myself forced me to take an honest look at the "honesty" of those beliefs. Slowly, I started re-negotiating with myself and those beliefs changed.

Yes, it was rather cognitive in approach at times, but ideation, in my experience, is a very cognitive structure. This was NOT a quick approach to change despite what might be said about cognitive therapies; this took many years and took a very skilled therapist who knew how to balance the thinking and the feeling, the cognitive and the psychodynamic, and when to use what approach at the right time.

2. While all of this was going on, I was under the care of my pdoc who was managing the symptoms of severe depression, the crises of multiple, episodic suicidality that led to hospitalizations. He and my therapist worked together, and they managed to keep me safe and alive through the process. I am forever in their debt.

3. Ultimately, there came a moment when I consciously made the decision that suicide was not an option; it would no longer be my default reaction.

My therapist had long claimed (not incorrectly) that suicidal thinking had become a habit for me. I didn't like that description, probably because felt oversimplifying to me, but he wasn't actually oversimplifying. His point was that I had fallen into a pattern of thought reaction to depression and anxiety, and that reaction (habit) was to go directly to suicide as the ideal of escape. Habits are hard to reprogram. Like I said, it took years and years. But the day came (and it was literally a specific moment that I wish I had marked on my calendar but I didn't) that I basically said, "Enough."

I had recently gone through the extremely painful and traumatic loss of my sister. I had experienced horrible grief, and more importantly, I watched my family, my sons, go through that grief. And then within that same year, I lost two friends to suicide. I said, "Enough." I would not do that to my sons. I would not do that to my family. And at that point, I had worked enough through step one on this list that the timing and the thinking worked out.

I haven't had to deal with suicidal thinking since then, and it has been at least 7 years now. I have remained free of serious depression and anxiety and have not needed psychiatric care of any kind since. Yes, I still have PTSD, but it is no longer debilitating and honestly very rarely am I symptomatic. When I do have symptoms now, I have a set of rather structured skills I use (acquired during this whole process) to deal with whatever is setting those symptoms off, and I have, thus far, been able to manage those symptoms quickly, before they become severe.

The hardest part of this process was allowing myself the time it took, without judgment. My pdoc and therapist both were adamant that I would get through it all and move beyond it. Even when I could see no way through, they consistently reassured me that I would get there and they would walk with me until I got there . . . and they did. They were incredibly patient and communicative and supportive through a decade of intense therapy and treatment, unfazed by episodic nature of what I was going through, and determined to see me through.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 09:52 AM
  #5
For me it was resolving the main, self-inflicted issue that was driving it most of the time - in my case substance abuse. I think it is normal for any healthy human to think about death and ponder the meaning(lessness) of life, so I do not believe every form of considering suicide has to be treated or eliminated. But treating the underlying issue (main cause/trigger/diagnosis) is a good approach IMO.

I still pretty firmly hold my view on the freedom of having some control over one's own life when circumstances get so severe that quality of life is no longer consistent with basic human dignity and a certain level of self-sufficiency, so no one is ever going to take away my positive views on controlled, perfectly legal and carefully considered options for various end of life decisions. But this has nothing to do with a current mental health condition, just a preference for a certain extent of freedom of choice.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 11:07 AM
  #6
My treatment for suicidal idealation has mostly been treating the underlying depression, anxiety, psychosis etc. There have been times when I have been to the hospital to be evaluated, but I just get sent home because I am deemed safe. I don't feel at all safe, but someone at the hospital decides I'm not a big enough risk to stay there. There is also a clinic of sorts that one can go to for a certain amount of time, I think it's 23 hours. It's kind of like being IP except it's not a hospital. They just stabilize you and get you some outside resources. My treatment has required medication, lots of AD's and AP's and Anti-Anxiety meds. I have had talk therapy for more than 10 years. It's sometimes focused on the Sui stuff by itself. What I have to live for. What plans I have in place. Who I can go to if things are serious etc. Sometimes it's focused on the SH which for me can go hand in hand, but not always. And sometimes it's just working on the depression, PTSD, and psychosis. All of this to get me to a happier, healthier, whole state of being. I think of SUI a little less. But sometimes it is still my "go to". It needs to not be. I tape things on my mirror that are important to me, or that are goals of mine, to remind me that I have work to do in this world. That I have plans and connections to this world. It's helpful. HUGS Kit

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Default May 22, 2019 at 03:03 PM
  #7
My suicidal idealization and being actively suicidal came from my PTSD. When it was all consuming my T new I was in a flashback and once I could become untriggered crisis would always fade and I look back at the week wondering what was all the fuss about for me to want to kill myself? It was a continuous cycle. EMDR, lots reframing negative core beliefs, parts work....all has helped calm things down.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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