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Anne2.0
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Default May 23, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #1
In my session yesterday, I was talking about triggering in some general way, wondering about whether we have to live with our triggers or whether they ultimately disappear, my T started talking about Victor Frankel He mentioned that this thought came to him because of a book he'd been reading.

I blanched a moment. I'm reading that book too, although I'm not sure I'm going to share this with him. "Are you reading, 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone?'" He said yes, and that he'd heard the author "on the radio" (code for NPR for lefties), and I said, "me too." He was a little further ahead in the book (how much I very hated that, seemed just a little too symbolic) but this kind of book is an unusual choice for both of us. I don't usually read therapy related books, or haven't in quite a few years, and neither does he.

I didn't give him a chance to articulate Frankel's concept of the "space" between the stimulus and response. I said it and then asked, "is this what you are referring to?" Because I think the author of the book references Frankel more than once. But it was a perfect way to think about triggering in a slightly different way, one that acknowledges that we likely have to live with our triggers but have room to maneuver around the stimulus and around the response. This works for me as an understanding both of some of the unlinking I've been able to do between the triggers and what I still might benefit from, in terms of work.

But what I did notice is that I was not so freaked out by the freaky mind meld moment, the idea that we were reading the same book. Neither did I place a ton of meaning on it. I've experienced something in this neighborhood before, especially at times when I see him at the same restaurants and shopping at the hippy co-op and walking in the same lovely park. This is a small town, and anyone with any sense goes to the same 5 restaurants, supports the co-op, and enjoys the park. Maybe it was just the sense that the "mindmeld" was happening in real time, as opposed to sharing certain experiences as a professional or in college or whatever.

But it's been forever since I started a thread here, so I thought I would write about this experience for what it is. Your comments are welcome.
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Default May 23, 2019 at 10:26 AM
  #2
That is very cool. It's funny it is a book that neither of you are likely to read, but in general I think these kind of things happen more the longer we stay with our T's. There must be a reason we have stayed long with them. Maybe part of the reason is that some ways our minds work in a similar way with theirs. And that made you both start the book at the same time!
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Default May 23, 2019 at 10:35 AM
  #3
Yup, my therapist and I were always reading the same novels at the same time. Very similar tastes that way. Probably why we got along so well.
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Default May 23, 2019 at 12:06 PM
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Anne, I think it's cool you and T were reading the same book and I think it's cool that you were able to think of triggering in a little bit different way. What a cool moment. Glad you had it. HUGS Kit

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Default May 23, 2019 at 05:44 PM
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In the past, I was quite interested in Viktor Frankl's work and existential therapy, just as a part of my general interest in existentialism in my youth. Developed criticisms about it with time and then my interest just kinda dissipated, also in alignment with my overall improved self-awareness and mental health in my late 30's/early 40's. I've connected with some people quite strongly through my interests in existentialism and many things related to it earlier in my life, including therapy. I think it's just something people similar to my interests and personality naturally go through. I also tend to connect with people in the most powerful ways via my intellectual interests, so reading the same books is not rare at all.

As far as triggers, the only kinds of significant, very persistent mental health-related triggers I have experienced so far has been associated with my alcohol addiction, which developed in my 30's. Situations, feelings, whatever can make me feel like I want to drink (to excess). It was extremely difficult, intense, and lasted for a long time in sobriety (when I finally decided to give up alcohol completely) and I had a major relapse ~2 years after the initial sober effort. The cravings and super intense motivations to act on my triggers were really extreme and painful for me for a long time, typically dissipated significantly after a few months sober, but all of it came back immediately, full force, at my relapse - then had to start over from scratch. Most definitely the biggest challenge and difficulty I have ever encountered in my life so far. Now >2 years sober again, I have quite rare cravings even when I am in some of the situations that used to elicit them the in most powerful ways. The emotional effect is also milder and much more transient, when it still happens. I feel all this gets less and less gradually with time, so there is definitely a lot of improvement.

I am not sure how this experience of mine with substance addiction-related triggers and cravings relate/help you, but I know that all sorts of emotional memories/associations/triggers work via the same mechanisms in the brain, so wanted to share. To a much lesser extent, I also experienced a lot of frustration and avoidance in relation to my US immigration - I am a foreigner who experienced some pretty extremely upsetting and complicated situations due to serial administrative errors outside of my control, before I finally got my permanent residency last year. All of that anxiety pretty quickly vanished though with my Green Card, perhaps because none of it was really my fault/limitation/weakness, just the product of a sloppy system. I don't feel any anxiety discussing any of it now but I did a lot even last year.

Last edited by Xynesthesia2; May 23, 2019 at 05:56 PM..
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