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1stepatatime
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Member Since: May 2001
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Default May 25, 2019 at 10:23 PM
  #1
Hello
I’ve posted on this site on and off for several years. I struggled with depression since I was a child. Currently it isn’t causing me any issues. I’d like to share my personal experience regarding therapy. Again, this is MY experience. I started therapy back in January of 2013 with a LMHC who practices psychodynamic therapy. I am glad that I went when I did. I needed that support system. I feel like she ( my therapist) was in my mind replacing my mother . I obviously knew she was not my mom but the thought of someone caring about me felt comforting. She seemed genuinely interested in me and encouraged me to express anything that I was feeling. Expressing myself was not very easy at first. I was as she said “ buttoned up”, guarded. I sometimes felt her frustration with me because of it. I wanted to tell her so badly that I just wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was okay. I would express more in my emails between sessions. Thankfully she was okay with emailing. I actually think she looked forward to them. She encouraged me to do body based therapy . That was really difficult for me because I wasn’t comfortable yelling or screaming due to the discomfort brought on from this type of work. As time went on I felt her frustration. She never said anything but I could just feel it. Nonetheless she was there for me every week unless she or I were away. She never raised her fee in the almost six years that we did this work. She helped me to become more self aware, that was the most significant thing I got out of working with her. That was key in my healing. I learned that those feelings that made me feel sad or hopeless were just feelings and that they DO pass. THAT was instrumental in my growth!! I am forever grateful to her for this.
My only regret in working with her is that I think we hit a plateau about a year or so before I quit and I think we both knew it but didn’t want to talk about it. I know that it was ultimately my decision to leave but I wish that she would have brought up the fact that we were stuck or anything to help me along in the termination process. I sort of lost some respect for her because I was just going there to go, nothing really to talk about and she was okay with it.. she got paid for us just shooting the **** for 50 minutes. I would leave there frustrated with myself but resentful towards her for not calling me out like she would have in the past. It’s sort of like she lost interest every bit as much as I did. What finally prompted me to leave was when I asked to reschedule a session and she told me that she could do that but if she didn’t fill my original time slot that I would have to pay for that time as well as the rescheduled time... that really angered me. I think a part of that anger was because I felt like she was doing this not just out of greed but because it was maybe her way of pissing me off enough to force me to quit . Well it worked. Despite that fact that I was beyond ready to stop, I felt good about my progress and very grounded , I was angry that someone I had so much respect for would treat me that way. My last session was the end of this past November. I think about her from time to time and maybe miss her a little too. I only wish it didn’t end the way it did. I emailed her about a month after quitting and told her how I felt about her cancellation policy thing, I hope that it might make she reconsider it.
All in all I’m glad that I had this experience because working with her has helped me. What I do regret is becoming overly attached because it was draining and there was the mind games. I doubt I’ll ever go back to therapy but if I do I can’t say with certainty that I’d go back to her. I believe that she is a good therapist, not perfect by any means but she knows her stuff. I just think people need to recognize when they are at an impasse or have gone as far as they can, I sure wish I had! Anyways, these are my thoughts.. peace out and have a nice weekend

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Default May 30, 2019 at 08:36 AM
  #2
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Originally Posted by 1stepatatime View Post
Hello

I’ve posted on this site on and off for several years. I struggled with depression since I was a child. Currently it isn’t causing me any issues. I’d like to share my personal experience regarding therapy. Again, this is MY experience. I started therapy back in January of 2013 with a LMHC who practices psychodynamic therapy. I am glad that I went when I did. I needed that support system. I feel like she ( my therapist) was in my mind replacing my mother . I obviously knew she was not my mom but the thought of someone caring about me felt comforting. She seemed genuinely interested in me and encouraged me to express anything that I was feeling. Expressing myself was not very easy at first. I was as she said “ buttoned up”, guarded. I sometimes felt her frustration with me because of it. I wanted to tell her so badly that I just wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was okay. I would express more in my emails between sessions. Thankfully she was okay with emailing. I actually think she looked forward to them. She encouraged me to do body based therapy . That was really difficult for me because I wasn’t comfortable yelling or screaming due to the discomfort brought on from this type of work. As time went on I felt her frustration. She never said anything but I could just feel it. Nonetheless she was there for me every week unless she or I were away. She never raised her fee in the almost six years that we did this work. She helped me to become more self aware, that was the most significant thing I got out of working with her. That was key in my healing. I learned that those feelings that made me feel sad or hopeless were just feelings and that they DO pass. THAT was instrumental in my growth!! I am forever grateful to her for this.

My only regret in working with her is that I think we hit a plateau about a year or so before I quit and I think we both knew it but didn’t want to talk about it. I know that it was ultimately my decision to leave but I wish that she would have brought up the fact that we were stuck or anything to help me along in the termination process. I sort of lost some respect for her because I was just going there to go, nothing really to talk about and she was okay with it.. she got paid for us just shooting the **** for 50 minutes. I would leave there frustrated with myself but resentful towards her for not calling me out like she would have in the past. It’s sort of like she lost interest every bit as much as I did. What finally prompted me to leave was when I asked to reschedule a session and she told me that she could do that but if she didn’t fill my original time slot that I would have to pay for that time as well as the rescheduled time... that really angered me. I think a part of that anger was because I felt like she was doing this not just out of greed but because it was maybe her way of pissing me off enough to force me to quit . Well it worked. Despite that fact that I was beyond ready to stop, I felt good about my progress and very grounded , I was angry that someone I had so much respect for would treat me that way. My last session was the end of this past November. I think about her from time to time and maybe miss her a little too. I only wish it didn’t end the way it did. I emailed her about a month after quitting and told her how I felt about her cancellation policy thing, I hope that it might make she reconsider it.

All in all I’m glad that I had this experience because working with her has helped me. What I do regret is becoming overly attached because it was draining and there was the mind games. I doubt I’ll ever go back to therapy but if I do I can’t say with certainty that I’d go back to her. I believe that she is a good therapist, not perfect by any means but she knows her stuff. I just think people need to recognize when they are at an impasse or have gone as far as they can, I sure wish I had! Anyways, these are my thoughts.. peace out and have a nice weekend
Hi 1step, holy wow your story sounds a lot like mine. I was in therapy with ex-t for 7+ years and also found a ton of good in it, she helped me a lot, I'm also forever grateful etc. I was also extremely attached to her and had strong maternal transference. I have to go to work right now but will try to remember to come back to this later today I have more to share.
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