Warning up

Are there ways you are able to go into a therapy appointment ready and prepared. I sometimes go in with my defenses up and it takes a while for us to take those defenses down. I cant see the clock in the room room and T takes total responsibility for keeping track of time. She is very lax on mine because I am her last appointment of the day and doesnt mind going over. So we end about 10 minutes late which we have discussed and okay with. Last night I bent around to look at the clock and realized it was 25 minutes late. We discussed it a bit. Apparently we spent the first hour discussing my week etc. Then at about the hour mark I brought up the anniversary of Ts death being this weekend. Then I said something that should have been quick but went deep very quickly.. and emotional.

One of the things we discussed in that I on occasion have a wall up and it takes time to warm up. She respects the wall as a defense mechanism that has totally protected me and been a good thing. The question is how to go in without that wall so we can do the real work.

I respect her personal time. She mentioned that is okay that she is late but then mentioned that the only thing that is effected is the time she gets home to her family again it isnt a huge issue. We discussed if she should hold the 1 hour limit more so that I also dont get flooded with emotions.

So the point if this long. Have you found a way to be emotionally ready when you enter an appointment?

“Have you found a way to be emotionally ready when you enter an appointment?”

Hi nottrustin,

It’s difficult to control issues and feelings if they come up unexpectedly. But I try to give priority to difficult emotional problems and bring them up at the beginning of the session. Not always easy to do, I know.

So, I guess I try to be intellectually ready when go to therapy appointments. I’m not sure I can be emotionally ready.

I don’t always try to control my emotions in therapy. I think I do the best work and gain the most insight when I don’t try to be emotionally ready in therapy.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

That is something I am trying to find too. I leave a very toxic home, drive in crazy traffic to get to T and often have trouble settling in. He has a park behind his office so I asked if I could park at his office and go walk in the park before our appointment (I am the first client of his day so I didn’t want him thinking I was stalking him or something). Now the park is very busy and loud with lots of kids so it is no place for me to find quiet. I thought about seeing if T can help me work on relaxation and then anchor it to some kind of ritual we do in the beginning of session... but I haven’t gotten to asking him yet.

I get out of work early and drive 40ish miles. I use to listen to sad music on my way there. For whatever reason that hasnt been working. I replaced it with listening to faith based podcasts. Maybe that is wrong.

I remember at one point making a conscious decision to just jump in at the very beginning of the session. It feels like you are taking better care of yourself if you dont let your time run away from you. I guess because you are! But that can also be problematic.

I have a 35 min walk to get to session. Initially I'd listen to audiobook, then moved to music, finally nothing. Listening to nothing allows me to think about the upcoming session and allow my mind time to drift. Most the time this is helpful; sometimes it will bring on more anxiety and makes it harder to talk.

When I first started therapy, I had a running list of topics that I wrote out on a sticky note. I'd pull that out at the beginning of session and pick from the list what I felt I could talk about. There were things that never got talked about, things that stayed on the list for a long time before they were talked about and so on. When I would struggle about talking about something specific, I'd let T know that I have something to talk about and I'm struggling with sharing it. There were also times where I'd typed out the more difficult topics and read to her or had her read it to herself.

I don't know about you but for me, sometimes doing something physical can help break the ice; something that represents opening up or letting in; or just something that is a distraction so that the talking can occur while my body is busy doing something else thus activating both sides of my brain at the same time.

I don't know how that would be wrong.

I'll often spend a few minutes before the session starts mulling over some of what we talked about the previous session, or what I was feeling during the previous session. I still often have a lot of trouble getting started, but I think it helps a little.

I was thinking about how I made some of the shift and realized that sitting on the floor is part of it for me. It's like removing the "rules" I associate with "appropriate" behaviors or something. I end up in a different mindset and am able to feel/open up more.

I think wrong is well the wrong word maybe ineffective. I mwhike listening to the recording that is where my total mind is. I dont 5hink about my session or allows me to be ready emotonally.

I find this difficult as well and often thought if I didn't bring up big stuff then it was a wasted session.
So I started noting and listing themes I wanted to mention it held my self accountable and often meant I would bring them up at the beginning of the session because I had already intellectually prepared for it. Part of being able to bring it up is emotionally detach from the issue until it's raised in session. I find these sessions are better and I leave more grounded. The ones I don't prepare or go too far in are often the ones I haven't prepared go in defensive because I feel things are less expected and then end up sharing things I have not processed at all and way out of my window of tolerance.
My mine advice would be to have an imaginary session with in your head to start to feel what you want to bring up.

I do tend to do better if I go in with a list of things.

No, I haven't found any good way to be present and ready right from the start and I have more or less accepted that this is the way things are for me.

My T is also very strict in terms of time. He will never go over even a single minute. This setting does create some sense of urgency because I know that if I waste 44 minutes and say something meaningful on the 45th minute then that's it - the session will end there and there is no way my T will prolong it.

I think what has helped me the most is over time just being able to accept it that it is difficult for me to open up and even after going to therapy for so long and that many sessions it hasn't become easy. Sure, it has become much easier than it used to be and I do feel myself much more comfortable but it seems that it is precisely because I have more or less accepted that this is how it works for me.

I leave work early and go to a coffee shop with my journal and my iPad. I read through what I’ve written since the last session and look at the forum posts I’ve made if there’s something helpful there.

Sometimes the night before I will make a...not a list, exactly, but jot down my thoughts about what would be helpful to discuss, and go over that while too, over my coffee.

That’s what I am doing now, as a matter of fact. The transition time helps me center and feel ready.

I usually planned a main topic for each session in advance (during the week prior but prepared at least the night before) and jumped into it straight away. Then let the details and conversation naturally unfold and spread out on the go. I never really had problems not being able to speak about something when I decided that I wanted to discuss it, it was more avoiding certain things altogether (not even having the intention). Sometimes the T and I had different interests about a certain topic. No need to warm up for me at all, just to plan the main topic(s).