Worried About T

I don't think you understand what DBT therapy is. The therapist is supposed to be available for the client outside of sessions.

Source

I hope you hear from her soon, justbreathe. 5 days seems like a really long time, even if she wasn't a DBT T.

It’s literally her job to be there 24/7 for DBT clients (or as someone else said get a substitute). It’s actually kinda damaging to go totally MIA for BPD clients if youre supposed to be there to help. she doesnt have to be a DBT T if she can’t handle it. justbreathe is not out of line to be worried that something happened after 5 days. That wouldnt be true for other kinds of therapy but it is for this one.

To answer your question, I didn’t say she could never have time or a break. She always tells her clients when she is gone, so it is quite unusual that she suddenly went MIA. It’s clear that you do not understand the nature of DBT and I’ve tried to explain, but please don’t accuse me of chasing her down because that is definitely not what I’m doing. I reached out to her twice last week and have not reached out since. I just tried calling her office voicemail to see if her mailbox was full, with no intention of leaving a message. Other than that, I’ve been reaching out of here for support. If you are not familiar with DBT, please don’t accuse me of overreaching boundaries.

I don’t know what to do. The anxiety is going down a bit, but I’m just worried she’s going to ghost me. I don’t know why she’d be mad and I’m not overly attached to her or anything but I am use to being ghosted or suddenly dropped. I feel like this is so out of my control and I don’t know what to do with myself other than wait, because reaching out again would just be obsessive. If she wanted to talk to, she’d reach out to me by now

It really seems very unlikely that this is personal. A DBT therapist ghosting a DBT client for five days would be an extremely unethical therapist indeed. Not saying it couldn't happen, but rather that the unlikelihood of that is very high. It is far more likely that your feelings about this possibility are triggered because of your experience with your previous therapist. Totally understandable that you would be triggered into thinking her absence right now is a very personal rejection given in the circumstances... but really, really unlikely that she is ghosting you or avoiding you specifically. It is far more probable scenario that she is ill or something like that.
I really hope you hear something soon.

I think it would be reasonable to contact someone in that office. I mean you need to make an appointment with her and so do other clients, so I am sure that others in the office won't see it as something negative.

Unless you send a letter to her office, and wait for a response. I hope you hear from her soon.

I agree that it should be fine to contact someone else in the office. They should at least be able to tell you if she's been away from the office or could maybe leave a note for her if she's not.

Hugs, i think you should call and find out if she is away or something. Five days is along time especially when you expect a call within a time. So for me it would be ok to reach out, i think no one will be upset if you call and find out.

Her phone line had been disconnected, and the voicemail is not accepting messages because it is full.

You can write her a letter or write the clinic a letter stating your needs.

My mom offered to call her since she has called her in the past when DBT T has not sent me my invoices (my mom helps with billing). In those situations, I think DBT T just forgets to respond to me and/or is busy at the moment and then forgets later to send them and/or respond to my text. But when my mom contacts her, I think my DBT T sees the urgency cuz she always answers her and sends them right away. My mom thought since I have already tried to reach her and if something is wrong, DBT T might be more likely to respond to her and/or tell her why she’s not talking to me. If something is really wrong with like the baby or pregnancy or something, I’m just so afraid of reaching out again because I feel like that would be really bad.

Are you able to find another DBT therapist that is more reliable.? This is terrible for you to be kept hanging like this. And she shouldn't only be responding to your mom, you are her patient.

Sorry I don't mean to be critical of her. Try writing/emailing or going down to her office.

Yes it’s possible I could find someone else but I don’t know how much I’d want to try DBT again. The reason I would actually want to continue seeing this DBT T (if the psychologist doesn’t work out) is because she’s been with me from the beginning since Ex T left and knows that history quite well. She is able to see both sides very clearly and has a very objective stance on it. This has been comforting to me because most Ts I’ve seen and told them what happened between Ex T and I instantly side with Ex T. I get that maybe DBT Ts probably lean more on the less judgemental side towards individuals with borderline tendencies, but I really don’t feel like I necessarily need to start totally over with DBT therapist because most of the behaviors that I initially struggled with during my relationship with Ex T and the aftermath, have become totally manageable.

I did email the psychologist I want to work with again to see if she has heard from DBT T at all and to tell her DBT T has been unresponsive to my messages. I am hoping she’s not upset with me for reaching out again (I left her a VM about 2 weeks ago seeing if we could schedule another appointment but she very clearly and sternly told me the decision wasn’t final and she needs to talk to DBT T first before making her decision). I just reached out to her because I’m worried about DBT T, not because I’m trying to rush her decision about whether she can/wants to work with me.

Thank you for your suggestions. I think going to her office though however would seem pretty obsessive. I’m scared if I reach out to her again in any form I’ll perpetuate my BPD label and she’ll think the same obsessive dynamic is happening with her that happened with Ex T.

You are welcome!

I am really sorry that happened to you. I really feel for you. The exact same thing happened to me when I went to a psychiatrist about emotional abuse from a previous mental health counselor and another psychiatrist. It really sucks.

Wow this must be really hard to deal with. This must also be triggering for you too.

Would it help to go through a DBT workbook until she gets back to you? I know this is not much help, but I am wondering what you can do.

I'm sorry to hear your DBT T has not responded. I understand how the not knowing and confusion over the disconnected phone message can cause a lot of anxiety and self-doubt.

Since it has been almost a week now, when is your next class? My DBT class meets every week. I would definitely call the office if that option is available to at least check on whether the next class will be meeting since she has not responded. Or go to the office and ask the same.

I know it has been a long wait but your next class should be meeting soon.

I’m actually not in the class anymore since my IOP meetings for alcohol conflicts

Any word from your T yet?

Yes Finally. She texted me back because I texted her again today:

Here is the dialogue:

Me: “Hi xxxx, I just wanted to reach out one more time. I would still like to meet this week if you are able. Would you mind letting me know? I’m quite worried there is something wrong because I haven’t heard from you and you didn’t respond to my phone coaching requests.”

DBT T: “Hey JustBreathe- I’m heading to xxxx for a conference, so I won’t be in the office tomorrow. I don’t answer blocked phone numbers, so I didn’t get your messages until the next day. I’m sorry about that.”

Me: “Thanks for for getting back to me. I thought since I texted you about the coaching calls and about meeting this week, you would have responded since my number only comes up blocked when I call.”

Me again: “I just feel pretty hurt because ever since I told you about maybe switching therapists, you haven’t been responsive to my texts or calls. I feel “dismissed.“

DBT T: “I’m sorry. I am doing less coaching now (my pregnancy hasn’t been easy). I didn’t have a discussion with you about that because the last two sessions I thought were our last. I’ve still been operating under the assumption you are transitioning to Dr. A.” (the psychologist)

Me: “I’m sorry your pregnancy hasn’t been easy. I assumed you were probably way busier and less available because of it, which I totally understand. I don’t want to argue, but I did feel like I explained everything in my texts and voicemails around the uncertainty with Dr. A (the psychologist) and my desire to meet with you in the meantime. Would it be possible to meet when you get back at a regularly scheduled time until we know for sure transitioning Dr. A is going to work out? She wanted me to have a smooth transition and I’d really like that too, but it’s difficult when I’m kind of left hanging.”

DBT T hasn’t responded to my last text yet. I feel pretty guilty for reaching out to her again since she did say her pregnancy has been difficult, but I’m just so confused because in the “last” sessions she was referring to she encouraged me to reach out for phone coaching if I needed it! And now she’s telling me she should have told me she’s not doing that anymore??!! I’m so frustrated because now she’s going on a trip and it is going on the third week since I’ve had a session with her and she and the psych I want to switch to still haven’t talked!

I also just this to her because I’m so triggered she’s leaving again. It feels like each correspondence is dragged out forever. I won’t text her anymore tonight but I’m just so confused and I don’t feel like she’s answering my questions or giving very solid explanations.

Me: “Also you told me in our last two sessions you were still available for phone coaching and encouraged me to utilize it even while I met with Dr. A. So this is all pretty confusing and difficult to hold. I know you are leaving tomorrow, but would you mind just letting me know how long you’ll be gone and could we plz get a session on the books?”

Do you guys think I sound clingy or obsessive? At this point, I’m just worried I’m going to screw stuff up with the new psychologist and DBT T is going to tell her about how clingy I was in all my texts to her.