Worried About T

I am worried about my DBT T. She hasn’t responded to my texts and calls. Since she’s DBT, she allows phone coaching. I know many of you in the past have been surprised that a T would offer 24/7 phone coaching, but that is quite common with DBT therapists. It’s not about being overly dependent on them for support as the calls are very structured and entirely about helping you access skills (i.e. not process based). She has always responded to my calls, maybe not within the hour but at some point, always texts are calls me back. It has been 2 days. She has been pretty unresponsive in general for these last few weeks and on Tuesday her voice mailbox was entirely full. She was suppose to coordinate with the Psych I might be transitioning to but the psych wasn’t able to call her back because of her voice mailbox being full.

I am spiraling about 3 possible explanations for this. First, I’m worried she might not care about getting back to me since in my last session we talked about going forward with my transition to the new psychologist. However, she insisted that I still call her for phone coaching if I’m struggling. She said that’s the only way she’d feel good about me transitioning from DBT. However, since that session, I’ve realized it is not a for sure thing that I’ll be switching as the new psych may decide she’s not a good fit after talking to DBT T. I’ve told DBT that I really don’t want to just be dropped without having some kind of support during the transition. It seems really unlike her that she just wouldn’t reach out to me because of this.

The second thing I’m worried about is that she is not doing well health wise. She’s pregnant and not due until the Fall. I’m scared she may have had some kind of emergency which is why her voicemail-box is full and she’s not responding. If this were the case, I’m so upset with myself that I texted and called her in a bit of a panic that she hadn’t replied. I don’t really know what to do I guess but just wait until I hear from her. I’m just curious what Ts usually do in emergency cases, whether they let their clients know immediately. I’d understand if I don’t hear from her for awhile in this case, but it’s just agonizing not knowing

The third scenario is what I’m most scared of but I don’t want to talk about it on a public forum. I’d rather only share it in a DM so if anyone is curious about that, I’d really appreciate the support.

Feel free to DM me if you need.
I know when the T that shared an office with my old T had an emergency old T contacted her clients but it took some time to coordinate it all. If they are totally private practice it might be harder. If it is some kind of clinic I would think they would notify you. Did you have another appointment scheduled?

You are welcome to DM me. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I know it is hard when T doesnt respond. Hopefully you hear from her soon.

You can always DM me. Hugs i hope you hear back from her very soon it's hard when t's do not get back to us.

I understand your fears. Out of curiosity, is it a cell phone you're calling? If so, a fourth possibility is that she lost or broke her phone.

I understand. I worry so much about my t especially if i dont hear from her. however its always been a really simple excuse like phone issues, being lost or not working. its never been anything serious even though i convince myself it is. i hope you hear from her really soon.

Have you heard anything back, justbreathe?

I haven’t heard from her.

I just called her office phone. I have no caller ID, so I don’t think she could block my number (I don’t think I’m blocked on her cell). It didn’t even ring and I got a voicemail operator saying “the number you have dialed is not a working number.” Does anyone know what this might mean?

I am sorry, I can imagine this must be very stressful for you.
I think you can safely assume that whatever is going on is nothing to do with you personally. If her phone is no longer taking voice mails because her inbox is full this is happening for everyone who is trying to contact her.
It does seem as though something has come up and she is currently unable to attend to all those things she used to attend to. I'm so sorry there is no way for you to know what is going on though. I hope you hear something soon.

Is it possible she got rid of her office phone and is just using her cell? How recently have you contacted her at her office? (My T doesn't have an office phone, just his cell.) Or maybe she forgot to pay her phone bill? I don't think you'd get that message if your number was blocked (and I don't know why she'd block a client's number without warning and just cause). I hope you hear back soon...

I forget, does she work in an office with any other T's? If so, maybe try contacting one of them?

Is it possible she just uses her cell? Maybe her voice mail is full? I don't think she would block you without you being informed. If she works with other therapists maybe give the front desk a call if she has a secertary. I really hope you hear back from her today.

I was thinking about that... it’s been awhile since I have called that number so she might have gotten rid of it. She works privately. I know of another DBT T she works with because I was in a group both of them led. I don’t want to go around her and call the other DBT T yet. I worry that would seem a bit obsessive.

I could think of absolutely thousands of non urgent reasons a T may be unreachable... but really what if she just doesn’t WANT to be reachable for a few days?

it’s actually zero business of mine what my T is or isn’t doing while I’m not paying for her time and in her office. If I reach out and she replies or doesn’t, that’s her choice.. If she’s in crisis, it would be nosey of me to try and speculate what may or may not be going on.

24/7 is part of DBT so if she doesn’t want to be reachable for days at a time she shouldn’t be a DBT T

Or have coverage.

Tbh- I don't think it would be out of line at this point to reach out to office mate.

When is your next scheduled appointment?

I feel like you are judging me for my genuine concern about why my T has went MIA. I can totally understand why generally speaking, T’s would not respond to clients out-of-session contact right away and it would be unrealistic for clients to expect such a thing. But like I explained in my initial post, she is DBT and that is a very real, strict guideline she outlines in her contract - that she will do everything in her power to get back to clients within the hour. Since it has been 5 days since reaching out, I find it understandable to be worried.

The last time we had a session, I was planning on switching to a different psychologist. I wanted to see her while I transition and that was up in the air about whether that would be possible. I have since found out since our last session the new psychologist is not a for sure thing. I’ve told DBT T this and asked her if I could see her at my usual time, but she told me she had no availability last week when I asked her. I asked her if I could see her this week and haven’t heard anything.

So she can never have time off or a break? That doesn’t seem right! They have no scheduled appointment coming up, it’s summer! And she’s pregnant.
I understand the client is curious as to what’s going on but it’s not a friend or family member. Chasing her down seems to be over reaching boundaries.

I am so sorry you havent heard from her yet! that is one of my biggest triggers, when t doesnt get back to me for a while when i thought she would. Its more than likely just life stuff getting in the way or her contacting you, everything is probably just fine, but I understands how hard it is to wait. I hope she contacts you soon.