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goatee
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 12:43 AM
  #1
My T calls her dog “dear” and “darling” in front of me all the time. She talks to her dog like she’s the dog’s very loving mom, asking her if she’s okay, calling her those affectionate terms of endearment, kissing her, hugging her...

I think it’s lovely and I love to see it. But it also hurts me so badly. I know this is unreasonable, but I want her to speak to me that way. I’m so jealous. My gosh, I’m jealous of her dog. So, my question is, should I say something to her about it? I want to because I think it’s important, but I don’t want her to stop acting naturally with her dog in front of me. Would welcome any insight into this. I’m completely mortified by this.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 03:08 AM
  #2
I think you should tell her. She’s probably clueless, and probably doesn’t want to hurt you. You are not alone. My therapist has a small dog she brings with her everywhere. I don’t mind the dog, but I do mind it in my therapy session. It’s a session with 3 instead of 2. She holds the dog and pets it in a comforting fashion while it sleeps snuggled up with her. It hurts and I’m jealous. I want to be held lovingly, too. It’s like watching what I never had but always wanted. Like a hungry person watching others eat a delicious meal.

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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 03:36 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by goatee View Post
My T calls her dog “dear” and “darling” in front of me all the time. She talks to her dog like she’s the dog’s very loving mom, asking her if she’s okay, calling her those affectionate terms of endearment, kissing her, hugging her...

I think it’s lovely and I love to see it. But it also hurts me so badly. I know this is unreasonable, but I want her to speak to me that way. I’m so jealous. My gosh, I’m jealous of her dog. So, my question is, should I say something to her about it? I want to because I think it’s important, but I don’t want her to stop acting naturally with her dog in front of me. Would welcome any insight into this. I’m completely mortified by this.
I think an understanding therapist wouldn't take it personally if you were to say something about it. They might even want to explore the issue more deeply if you allude to wanting to do so.

I would suggest telling her what you told us, you know it's unreasonable, you're mortified, but it still hurts badly. The first two facts might lessen the blow for the therapist to not take it personally.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 04:07 AM
  #4
I know the feeling, unfortunately. I told my T I was jealous of his dog as T was telling me something about being protective and comforting of his dog.. I was also embarrassed and told T I felt so pathetic to be jealous of a dog..

I don't get why you wouldn't tell your T because really- do you have that much power that disclosing that to her will cause her to act differently, to treat the dog differently? I think your boundaries are mixed up-you're mixing up your feelings and thoughts with hers. Is that what you would do if someone told you something you did made them uncomfortable-that you would change your behavior to appease or accommodate them to make sure they don't feel any discomfort?

She is her own person. Maybe she would be glad to learn about your feelings.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 06:24 AM
  #5
Honestly, I would say something like dogs are so lucky they have people who love then, always kiss and snuggle them, act affectionately. I am jealous because I want that in my life. Or maybe something like Ts dogs name is so lucky to have such a great mom who shows love and affection; I am jealous.

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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 06:30 AM
  #6
I think it would be good to talk about this with your therapist. I am actually surprised your therapist talks to your dog that way in front of you, not least because you are paying for her to focus on you during this time, and I don’t see how she can do that if she is asking her dog if it is ok. It seems a very unnecessary distraction.

My therapist has a dog he has brought in at times, but he doesn’t spend my session time talking to it.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 06:57 AM
  #7
I feel this way about the photos of my T's kids that festoon his office, especially bc he skews to less disclosure and I lost a baby. They are calendar worthy shots of him hugging them etc, and tend to be right in my line of vision while he coaxes me to discuss csa. It is so challenging, and feels wrong in a few ways. I have shared some of my feelings with him, but he has little to no reaction so I let it go.

My T says he is allergic to dogs. I have 4 dogs . He is beyond anxious when the law office next door brought their PWD to work, and I think asked them not too.

I would absolutely share this with your T, because it is about your feelings and not her dog. IMO, being a huge dog lover who brought my dog to classes when I taught high school, she should ask the dog to down-stay for the actual session time so as not to trigger anyone. It is a sensible policy. My dog learned the bell ringing meant he could schmooze, and class starting meant lay down and dream doggy dreams.

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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 07:15 AM
  #8
After reading your other post and the other replies, I think maybe she should rethink her pet behaviors.

One T I saw had a cat she would tend to during sessions but it didn't bother me, but everyone's different. I think SEs idea on pet protocol is really good.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 09:03 AM
  #9
I would say something. I had a T that had a dog in the office but it ignored everything unless it was called over. What you are saying sounds like T is very distracted by the dog which would really bother me. I am absolutely an animal person and not prone to jealousy but having T coddle the dog during session would totally be a deal breaker for me if we couldn’t work something out.

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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 03:25 PM
  #10
I was once REALLY reassured when my T had to catch his dog because it was going to run out and there was NOTHING particularly affectionate in the way he was holding it. I don't know if it was just for me - cos I was insanely jealous with him... Even now - when I think of it, I feel relieved
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 03:32 PM
  #11
You write that you don´t want your therapist to stop acting naturally with her dog in front of you. When I read how she acts towards this dog during your session I personally felt it´s inappropriate for a therapist to share focus between a dog and a client.

Does she bring this dog as part of the therapy? I mean some use animals to address issues and to help the client to express him-/herself in an easier way. But if this dog doesn´t have anything to do with therapy I find it a bit strange that she brings it there.

I now understand that you can´t or don´t want to switch therapists but I would myself have a hard time accepting this. I would recommend you to try to say something of what you´ve wrote here, just a single line about how you feel without making a too big deal out of it. To me it feels that she spends way too much focus on this dog instead of you as you describe she calls it "dear" and "darling" when you sit there in front of her. You mean she talks to her dog while you speak?

I find this unprofessional but perhaps this is more common in other countries, in Sweden where I´m from, I´ve never read about a therapist who brings a dog to therapy unless the dog is part of the client´s treatment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by goatee View Post
My T calls her dog “dear” and “darling” in front of me all the time. She talks to her dog like she’s the dog’s very loving mom, asking her if she’s okay, calling her those affectionate terms of endearment, kissing her, hugging her...

I think it’s lovely and I love to see it. But it also hurts me so badly. I know this is unreasonable, but I want her to speak to me that way. I’m so jealous. My gosh, I’m jealous of her dog. So, my question is, should I say something to her about it? I want to because I think it’s important, but I don’t want her to stop acting naturally with her dog in front of me. Would welcome any insight into this. I’m completely mortified by this.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 03:34 PM
  #12
I have never had a therapist bring an animal to therapy. I think you have the right to request that she not bring the dog as it pulls attention away from you.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 04:39 PM
  #13
Holy carp! Your therapist needs a therapist! Why would she do that in front of a client? Thats so needy! Im sorry im shouting and exclaiming but honestly im shocked, disappointed and appalled. Im very upset for you. Your therapist is the one who should be embarrassed.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 07:03 PM
  #14
I agree with these responses. I wish my T would have asked for my consent to have her dog in the room instead of me having to work up the courage to ask for it to NOT be in her lap. I’m more okay if it sits on its own, but that is rare. To me, it’s obvious that the dog is there for her and not the client. However, the good aspects of this T outweigh the annoying ones of the dog and its distracting behavior.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 07:50 AM
  #15
When T had her home office, her dog was there. She asked me if it was okay for the dog to be there.i enjoyed having the dig as a distraction. If U said the dogs name he would sit with me calmly during the appointment. He seemed to know when I was having an emotional appointment. If he didnt sit quietly with either of us or on the floor T would put him in the house and close the door.

It sounds like most of her clients enjoyed the dog as many would bring him treats. She had to ask people to stop.

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