Psychoanalysis or bickering

[QUOTE=LonesomeTonight;6552384] From your earlier comment, I agree that your T's comment about clock-watching sounded critical. I'm also sort of a clock-watcher, but it's to make sure I don't wait too long to bring up a topic I want to discuss. Or, if I know there's only 10 minutes left, to consider holding off on something that would likely take longer to discuss. (Of course, I still end up bringing things up too close to the end--sometimes I don't realize they're a big or sensitive topic till I mention them or until T responds--but he wouldn't say I did that on purpose, I don't think.)

Like me, what you do is the exact opposite of 'clock-watching' which - according to definition - means being in a hurry to get off work. Like me you are anxious about time running out. I would think this is not very unusual, though I probably do it more because I am anxious, have a terrible sense of time AND a bad memory!

I worked before with another social worker who used a psychoanalytical approach and the dynamic seemed similar which is why I thought the approach might be the problem. It makes it sound as though I had (perhaps unconsciously) set the whole thing up for failure - Maybe the whole issue of unconscious motivation is the problem :/

I think the cumulative point was that her advice was x but that the choice was mine. So as with so many other things, I was free to do what was wrong in her opinion.

I'v been pretty ill for 2 weeks but I finally said I would take an Uber in the morning if I was strong enough and that I would let her know.

I would have felt criticized and invalidated had a therapist spoke to me as you described in your initial post. First, it's absurd assuming that a client jumping topics is a grand scheme to undermine therapy.

Then I find "interpretation" a parlor game, at most wild speculation, at worst antagonism disguised as insight. No one is clairvoyant.

My therapist deftly deflected my concerns by denying all responsibility for his behavior. He blamed the conflicts on my transference.
Ruptures are particularly inequitable if the therapist is staunch in his or her blamelessness.

Fortunately I found support with friends, and cut off the dance after it became destructive.

I think these occasions require holding one's reality regardless of how an ascribed "authority" interprets events.

(ETA) Sorry about the way this is formatted: I put comments in between your quote - and one after - which doesn't seem to have worked very well!

Agree with this. I did send her the reasons I was unhappy with how therapy had been going. A very summarised OP. Her response was that she 'was not agreeable to discussing it in text message. That it is clearly unresolved for me and I should come in to discuss it when well enough. I replied that I would uber there tomorrow if well enough.

However...I am concerned - I don't want to REDO this particular dance and her message didn't suggest any kind/fair way of 'resolving' it. On the other hand she has really helped me for 2 years so it feels like I should go at least once more

I doubt a soul lives who was perfectly understood in childhood and harbors no residual feelings. Our "imperfections" don't mean a real affront didn't happen. I think it a therapist's role to put extra effort into respect and apologies for injuries.

Your therapist's good track record makes a decision more difficult. If this exchange was atypical, perhaps she was having a particularly distracted day. But it's her job to recognize this and make amends.

I think clients owe therapists nothing more than payment and lawfulness. A therapist blaming the client for reacting to her rudeness is gaslighting.

Wishing you the best outcome, peace and clarity.

Missbella, Xynesthesia2 and others who responded - thank you so much for your useful - and wise - feedback!