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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
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Jun 10, 2019 at 03:12 PM
#1
My T told me that she’s so overwhelmed and busy with things in her life that she’s doesn’t have time for the extras with me anymore. Like an extra session if I need it or answering my emails consistently and my being able to count on that. She doesn’t understand why I’m feeling so unsafe and insecure from this and why this is having a huge impact on our relationship. She is also going out on leave this summer and the whole thing feels overwhelming to me. Even worse, I’m facing things in my own life that are extreme and now I feel like my one support is being yanked. All I want to do is beg her to be there for me, but I know when you have to do that, the answer is always no... plus I’m always well behaved and well contained and feel like this is making me act in ways that are crazy for me. Plus how would I ever feel truly safe and secure again. But I’m too attached to walk away and my own circumstances are too dire... I don’t understand how she doesn’t understand. Worse, I guess she does but just doesn’t care.
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 Anonymous47147, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, Omers, Taylor27, thesnowqueen
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 Anonymous45127
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Jun 10, 2019 at 03:33 PM
#2
Perhaps she both understands and cares but cannot be there for you at all unless she establishes better boundaries. It could be that she can't be an effective therapist without having enough time to manage her personal life. That being said - I think that it's really difficult on everyone to establish these boundaries at a later rather than an earlier point. Is it possible to contact her if you are in a really bad state, or in an emergency?
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| goatee
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Anonymous45127, goatee, LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
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Jun 10, 2019 at 06:05 PM
#3
It seems like under the circumstances, your therapist is doing what she needs to do to take care of herself so that she can be "available" for all of her clients. She's going through her own stresses and grief right now, and probably very justifiably, has to set some boundaries for her own sake. Is she still keeping up with her usual session schedule (with allowance for the recent crisis in her own life which is perfectly understandable)? That may be the best she can do right now. That isn't about her not caring about you; it is about her needing to keep some balance in her life as she regroups after her own personal crisis.
If her availability isn't working for you, is it time to consider a different therapist? If you are in serious crisis, what other steps can you take such as a crisis line or the ER? If it isn't that pressing a crisis for you, what other coping strategies can you try to implement to help you through those difficult moments between sessions? |
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| goatee
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goatee, Taylor27
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 322
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Jun 10, 2019 at 06:11 PM
#4
It’s not that I need a crisis line or the ER. I’ve always been very not needing in between session contact. It’s that for the last two years, I’m in the middle of a similarly serious medical situation myself and am currently undergoing treatment for it. In fact, it is gearing up again for another round of it and I’m facing a lot that will be very difficult. My T has been my main emotional support throughout my own personal situation, which has a lot of frightening aspects and uncertainty. Suddenly she is just not here, and going through my own situation without her feels just unbearable. And, truthfully, I feel abandoned and deserted. I thought she was really here for me. I didn’t tknow why I was so lucky to have her support though this, but I really believed and thought I did.
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Anonymous45127
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
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Jun 10, 2019 at 08:55 PM
#5
I'm really sorry to hear that, goatee. I wish I had words that could help. is your T going through some sort of crisis right now? Does she foresee her schedule calming down in the near future?
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Anonymous45127, goatee
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Jun 11, 2019 at 05:57 AM
#6
Sorry to hear about all your struggles goatee.
Do you have any friends (or family) you can lean on? I hope you are not all alone. Your T admitted being overwhelmed and busy in her life and also griefing. It is not something you did wrong. She doesn't have at the moment to give what you need and got earlier, and like you said, begging probably doesn't work. But she is still working, showing reliably to appointments and probably cares a great deal too. You have suffered a long time with this issue with her already, her boundaries, emailing and such. Do you feel you can be reasonably satisfied with what she can give or is it time to consider moving on? |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2017
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Jun 11, 2019 at 12:24 PM
#7
Quote:
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| LonesomeTonight
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Jun 11, 2019 at 12:56 PM
#8
Good thing is that you don't have to. Your T is still there for you even if her situation and availability has changed. If it is still positive and important relationship for you, stay in it but also look outwards for other support as well.
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