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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 06:52 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hello all,

What are the pros and cons of making formal complaints?

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I once called a phone counselor and was told that I could call anytime! When I call I was threaten to have the police call and social services call on me and I was called horrible names because I had ask some help. Who I was referred to never took my health, or they were not qualified to help me with what I need or I did not meet their requirements.
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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 06:54 PM
  #42
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I had a T for a couple of months who had bizarre boundaries. Under a guise of 'equality' he began telling me about his mother... It definitely felt off - Anyway, I was concerned for future patients he might have and I think if there are grounds for formal complaint then at least one pro is protecting others. However, I imagine that filing a formal complaint means disclosing some sensitive info of your own and not everyone is able / ready for that. This is all pretty speculative - hopefully someone is better informed about this!
I hope that you turn in the therapist!
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 07:50 AM
  #43
What do you do when a T emails you 7 months after an unethical termination in order to make himself feel better ? It wasn't for my benefit. Jeez , these people.

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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 08:51 AM
  #44
What did he say? Did he invite a response or just try to shove something at you? Is he still practicing? If he is, or perhaps even if he isn't, I think if it were me I would send one. They may not be able to hear but that's not our responsibility. They need to start taking into account and dealing with the damage they do and all we can do is to try to get our message out there. (Oops, no pun intended.)
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 09:02 AM
  #45
Tried to blame me for my own termination ( just like his boss did ) so just shoving it at me. He did get a response , but not the one I originally drafted. I think he's probably got the rather blunt message I sent. We can play the psychological game just as well as they can sometimes. And yes , he's still practising ( needs a lot more practice IMHO )

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Default Jul 25, 2019 at 05:21 AM
  #46
I speak for myself only

The pro for me was preventing my former t from sexually abusing other vulnerable clients

Another pro was standing up for myself in the face of ongoing abuse. Knowing my worth. Feeling justifiably angry

Being validated in that the board deemed my therapy abusive and revoked his license to practice permanently.

Being financially compensated which provided the funds I needed for subsequent treatment that lasted almost 5 years .


The cons were being investigated very thoroughly...in interviews as well as them taking my computer hard drive. Also the fear of possible litigation and having to testify in court

Another con was the intense confusion and contradictory emotions following my report

The biggest con was never getting closure, never knowing the truth, the why

His wife divorcing him and taking their small children

The fact that he is still living life and seems happy ... while I am the one suffering and sorting the immense damage he caused me.

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Default Jul 25, 2019 at 07:30 PM
  #47
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Originally Posted by Out There View Post
What do you do when a T emails you 7 months after an unethical termination in order to make himself feel better ?
did he randomly just email you out of the blue?? or was it in response to a prior communication you had made to him (i assume from 7 months ago)?
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 06:32 AM
  #48
Just out of the blue. They should know better than to do this. I'm not here to make him feel better , or be his T. He knows things are wrong deep down and it's gnawing away at him I think. It's not like T's are immune to trauma bonding either , and that's the root of the problem from what I can see. I did send him a nice email back then , which he did not respond to , so FFS don't do it now.

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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:26 AM
  #49
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What do you do when a T emails you 7 months after an unethical termination in order to make himself feel better ? It wasn't for my benefit. Jeez , these people.
My first T did that, more than once. I made the mistake of engaging with him and even went back to have a couple more sessions a year after our original termination, mostly out of curiosity (I did not get why he was chasing me so much). I regretted going back and definitely would not do it again. It just created frustrations I did not have otherwise and a series of ugly fights that had no relevance to my life. Maybe the only "good" thing in it was that I really got to see more of the real him and it convinced me that the weird conflicts we had were due to his insecurities and sloppiness primarily, and that he tried to project those onto me without being receptive to any feedback.

In my case, I think the T contacted me and insisted because I exposed some serious sore spots in him and he probably felt very uncomfortable with that memory. I imagine that's why he tried to project and turn it all back to me, hoping that I would buy into that game and that the crap was coming from my distortions and transference. That surely might have given some relief to someone like him. But it did not work. He did not want to let me go even after the second ugly round though - that only demonstrates, to me, that he has serious issues controlling his own feelings. I have never had a similar experience with anyone else in my life before/after - just another proof that it wasn't my "repetition compulsion" at all. I could very easily see how he would be able to manipulate someone less skeptical and more agreeable and/or fearful. It was kinda fascinating and often almost unbelievable the, the sort of things that T did, in a creepy way of course.

I sometimes still check out the Ts online activity (lots of social media) out of curiosity and I can see he has not changed a bit and keeps repeating the same things over and over, truly like a broken record. If anything, he has only gotten weirder.
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 10:00 AM
  #50
It is fascinating and unbelievable in a creepy way , but having some insight into it helps , I think. Still , very unprofessional and should have gone straight to supervision and/or his own therapy instead of ending up in my inbox. Regular T was not impressed with this either , totally agreed with me that therapists should know better.

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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 03:57 PM
  #51
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Just out of the blue. They should know better than to do this. I'm not here to make him feel better , or be his T. He knows things are wrong deep down and it's gnawing away at him I think. It's not like T's are immune to trauma bonding either , and that's the root of the problem from what I can see. I did send him a nice email back then , which he did not respond to , so FFS don't do it now.
ugh....

what a way to f' with your head some more!

you were all too kind to send him a nice email back. sounds like the only intentions he has are selfish ones to feed his own needs, as you already pointed out. best to stay away from the likes of him....
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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 04:27 PM
  #52
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2 View Post
My first T did that, more than once. I made the mistake of engaging with him and even went back to have a couple more sessions a year after our original termination, mostly out of curiosity (I did not get why he was chasing me so much). I regretted going back and definitely would not do it again. It just created frustrations I did not have otherwise and a series of ugly fights that had no relevance to my life. Maybe the only "good" thing in it was that I really got to see more of the real him and it convinced me that the weird conflicts we had were due to his insecurities and sloppiness primarily, and that he tried to project those onto me without being receptive to any feedback.
i too have had contact with my ex-T after terminating, although they have been meetings in public places, and not in his office or official therapy sessions that i paid for. he was especially keen to meet after i had requested my session notes. when i first asked for them, his reaction was to question what reason i needed them for and i suspect he thought i had intentions to use them to against him in a complaint. we met a couple times to discus them. he genuinely seemed interested and concerned about what i shared and had to say, but at the same time, he wanted to use the meetings to share with me all the new training and improvements he had been doing since i left. he also threw in a story about how a client who ended three years prior had contacted him out of the blue via email to share his gratitude and how helpful therapy had been for him.

i went to these meeting for my own personal reasons of getting closure. i did get what felt like a sincere apology for many of the muck ups he made, and that really is all i was needing to help me put this experince behind me. but i did find it quite interesting at how he felt that he had to try and prove and defend himself at times. due to this, it has allowed me to see parts of him that i suspected existed when i was in therapy, but couldn't fully see until i stepped away and saw him from an entirely new perspective. i was finally seeing the real him and not the one i created or thought i had imagined through the enmeshment, projections, and transference that happened in therapy.
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Default Jul 27, 2019 at 04:35 PM
  #53
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ugh....

what a way to f' with your head some more!

you were all too kind to send him a nice email back. sounds like the only intentions he has are selfish ones to feed his own needs, as you already pointed out. best to stay away from the likes of him....

Thanks , I needed some validation today as I've been running through the whole spectrum of feelings this has stirred up.

At the moment I'm on GO TO HELL ! GO DIRECTLY TO HELL! DO NOT PASS GO ! DO NOT COLLECT £200!

I was feeling crap earlier , but just been on a walk in the park with my friend and her dog , saying to her how let down I feel.

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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 08:45 PM
  #54
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I speak for myself only

The pro for me was preventing my former t from sexually abusing other vulnerable clients

Another pro was standing up for myself in the face of ongoing abuse. Knowing my worth. Feeling justifiably angry

Being validated in that the board deemed my therapy abusive and revoked his license to practice permanently.

Being financially compensated which provided the funds I needed for subsequent treatment that lasted almost 5 years .


The cons were being investigated very thoroughly...in interviews as well as them taking my computer hard drive. Also the fear of possible litigation and having to testify in court

Another con was the intense confusion and contradictory emotions following my report

The biggest con was never getting closure, never knowing the truth, the why

His wife divorcing him and taking their small children

The fact that he is still living life and seems happy ... while I am the one suffering and sorting the immense damage he caused me.

hey...sorry for reviving a zombie thread, but jDNA, I wanted to ask...they took your hard drive because there was a criminal case involved, right? I ask because I'm considering filing a complaint against my ex-therapist, but I'm sooo not comfortable w/ them taking my computer hard drive...

If the complaint was to the board and didn't involve a criminal matter, they won't take my hard drive, right?
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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 05:18 AM
  #55
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hey...sorry for reviving a zombie thread, but jDNA, I wanted to ask...they took your hard drive because there was a criminal case involved, right? I ask because I'm considering filing a complaint against my ex-therapist, but I'm sooo not comfortable w/ them taking my computer hard drive...


If the complaint was to the board and didn't involve a criminal matter, they won't take my hard drive, right?
What happened to me is not illegal in my state, so no there was no criminal investigation. They took my hard drive because I had provided over 200 emails exchanged from my therapist. They had to prove that they weren't fabricated due to the severity of my complaint

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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 08:44 AM
  #56
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What happened to me is not illegal in my state, so no there was no criminal investigation. They took my hard drive because I had provided over 200 emails exchanged from my therapist. They had to prove that they weren't fabricated due to the severity of my complaint
Ugh.
I, also, have over 200 emails (probably more like over 1,000) not to mention the texts (again, probably over 1,000) I pulled out of my Mac's archive files.

My complaint isn't as severe, but now I'm scared. I don't want to turn over my mac.
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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 09:25 AM
  #57
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Ugh.

I, also, have over 200 emails (probably more like over 1,000) not to mention the texts (again, probably over 1,000) I pulled out of my Mac's archive files.


My complaint isn't as severe, but now I'm scared. I don't want to turn over my mac.
What exactly is your concern with them verifying things thru your hard drive

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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 09:32 AM
  #58
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What exactly is your concern with them verifying things thru your hard drive
Um...to be honest? And probably they won't care or maybe even look for it at all, but... porn watching/searching/erotic story reading history? That's really it. It's just embarrassing. And private. -.-

EDIT: oh, right, and I have my email history with my current therapist in there too. Our relationship is 1,000,000% ethical, but it's still hard to be like..."yes, I still require a shitcrapton of support from my therapist." But I guess I just have to be willing to be embarrassed.

Edit again: And labeled as borderline, which is a really strong possibility.

My ex-therapist already has a complaint and disciplinary action against him, and that woman's borderline personality disorder was seemingly blamed for a lot. I mean, fine, label me borderline. I guess whatever...I'm just going to have to be willing to be embarrassed.
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Default Dec 01, 2019 at 10:47 AM
  #59
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Um...to be honest? And probably they won't care or maybe even look for it at all, but... porn watching/searching/erotic story reading history? That's really it. It's just embarrassing. And private. -.-
You can easily clear your browsing history, just make sure to do it in all the browsers you have used. But I wonder how many people these days don't have a good deal of various private device use histories that they wouldn't want to advertise? My guess is very few.
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Default Dec 02, 2019 at 05:40 PM
  #60
My T lost his position and at our last session, he tried to guilt me into starting a go fund me for T. I know T desperately needs the money. I have already anonymously given T some for a car repair. I feel manipulated. I feel I need to stop seeing this person but feel guilty because of the situation. I am unemployed but have savings.
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