Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

Jun 17, 2019 at 04:36 PM

I woke this morning feeling incredibly weak. Even cleaning the litter box nearly did me in. I have the house inspection this morning and one of the cats is being extra enthusiastic and I have litter on the other side of the bathroom.
I also had a bad dream about exT.

Jun 17, 2019 at 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Couch question. You'd originally scheduled your session for a day later than usual (due to attending a concert), but quite early in the morning (due to daughter's school schedule). You ask your T if he can see you on your usual day, if he has any times available. Your T says he has a funeral that day and isn't sure of his exact schedule, but would be able to see you. You say that you feel bad asking him to come in, but he said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't OK with it. Bonus: There's a potentially emotion-filled concert the night before that rescheduled session would be (as in, the same band at the same venue that led you to email your former marriage counselor feelings of love a year and a half ago, which ultimately was the death knell for the relationship). In other words, not sure how well I'll be dealing the morning after the concert. Is it OK to take your T up on his offer to see you the day of the funeral? (No clue how he knows the deceased.)

If he says he is ok with it take him up, coming from a T who would never do anything like that I say do it.

Jersey 4 · Jun 17, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Couch question. You'd originally scheduled your session for a day later than usual (due to attending a concert), but quite early in the morning (due to daughter's school schedule). You ask your T if he can see you on your usual day, if he has any times available. Your T says he has a funeral that day and isn't sure of his exact schedule, but would be able to see you. You say that you feel bad asking him to come in, but he said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't OK with it. Bonus: There's a potentially emotion-filled concert the night before that rescheduled session would be (as in, the same band at the same venue that led you to email your former marriage counselor feelings of love a year and a half ago, which ultimately was the death knell for the relationship). In other words, not sure how well I'll be dealing the morning after the concert. Is it OK to take your T up on his offer to see you the day of the funeral? (No clue how he knows the deceased.)

If he said he can see you, and you feel you need to go then it’s fine to take his offer. It’s not your job to take care of the therapist. It doesn’t matter his relationship (or lack of) to the deceased. If he couldn’t see you he would say he’s unavailable. So yes, if you need the session then take the offer to go.

Jersey 4 · Jun 17, 2019 at 04:46 PM

I left work at 12 noon, came home and slept. I could just not do a full day today. I was so exhausted literally to the point that I felt like I couldn’t stand on my own 2 feet. I slept a few hours this afternoon and feel better.

DP_2017 · Jun 17, 2019 at 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Couch question. You'd originally scheduled your session for a day later than usual (due to attending a concert), but quite early in the morning (due to daughter's school schedule). You ask your T if he can see you on your usual day, if he has any times available. Your T says he has a funeral that day and isn't sure of his exact schedule, but would be able to see you. You say that you feel bad asking him to come in, but he said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't OK with it. Bonus: There's a potentially emotion-filled concert the night before that rescheduled session would be (as in, the same band at the same venue that led you to email your former marriage counselor feelings of love a year and a half ago, which ultimately was the death knell for the relationship). In other words, not sure how well I'll be dealing the morning after the concert. Is it OK to take your T up on his offer to see you the day of the funeral? (No clue how he knows the deceased.)

I wouldn't... even if they said ok, he might feel that if he had said no, it would upset you more.... mentally they might not be on the top of their game after a funeral. You will likely be curious more about it and possibly say or ask something to make him uncomfortable. Doing "special" things for clients, is no longer something I'm a fan of, even if it seems awesome at the time....

Try to go to the concert without the "potentially emotionally filled" mindset. If you go, just thinking of the concert and try to enjoy yourself, you may not at all, but if you go thinking that, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy type thing.

Even if it is emotional, emotions pass, you can get through it. Friday would be there before you know it and you would have had a day to sit/think through it more before discussing anything and maybe there will be nothing to discuss. You might just have an awesome time

unaluna · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

I left work at 12 noon, came home and slept. I could just not do a full day today. I was so exhausted literally to the point that I felt like I couldn’t stand on my own 2 feet. I slept a few hours this afternoon and feel better.

That staying up too late (the other night-job) messes ya up.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I wouldn't... even if they said ok, he might feel that if he had said no, it would upset you more.... mentally they might not be on the top of their game after a funeral. You will likely be curious more about it and possibly say or ask something to make him uncomfortable. Doing "special" things for clients, is no longer something I'm a fan of, even if it seems awesome at the time....

Try to go to the concert without the "potentially emotionally filled" mindset. If you go, just thinking of the concert and try to enjoy yourself, you may not at all, but if you go thinking that, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy type thing.

Even if it is emotional, emotions pass, you can get through it. Friday would be there before you know it and you would have had a day to sit/think through it more before discussing anything and maybe there will be nothing to discuss. You might just have an awesome time

Thanks, I think I want to see when he has availability then. If it's the morning, might be before funeral and maybe could actually be better timing than early Friday in terms of where his head is? I don't know. Will try not to think too much with concert, but they tend to make me emotional anyway...not even if tied to a particular person.

DP_2017 · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Thanks, I think I want to see when he has availability then. If it's the morning, might be before funeral and maybe could actually be better timing than early Friday in terms of where his head is? I don't know. Will try not to think too much with concert, but they tend to make me emotional anyway...not even if tied to a particular person.

It's ok to be emotional

Sometimes a nice quiet walk in nature, is really helpful for that, at least for me.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

If he said he can see you, and you feel you need to go then it’s fine to take his offer. It’s not your job to take care of the therapist. It doesn’t matter his relationship (or lack of) to the deceased. If he couldn’t see you he would say he’s unavailable. So yes, if you need the session then take the offer to go.

Thanks. I mean, ex-MC apparently saw us a few days after his wife had died...(I didn't realize that under after I found obit a week later). And he wrote me a really supportive email a few days after her death, too, even joking about something. Plus I doubt there will be a huge difference in his emotional state between Thursday and Friday. So, I think maybe I'll just see on Wednesday what time he can offer Thursday (especially if one is in the morning, maybe before funeral) and decide then. (He said to text him Wednesday about it, as he'd have a better idea then--maybe official plans haven't come out yet).

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

If he says he is ok with it take him up, coming from a T who would never do anything like that I say do it.

Thanks, BCM. But then I also worry about taking any sort of special treatment. If that's even what this is? I mean, maybe if another client asked him if they could come in then, he'd also be fine with it--I just happen to be the one who asked.

atisketatasket · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:38 PM

LT—I don’t see any indication this is special treatment. I think you should worry about your life, not his, as that’s why you’re in therapy, and if the session helps meet your needs, take it.

Jersey 4 · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:43 PM

LT- I think he would do it for another client as quick as he would set up something for you.

Jersey 4 · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

That staying up too late (the other night-job) messes ya up.

I do wonder if it was part of it. I slept 5 hours that night (which is actually around the norm for me). Then last night I know I didn’t get that many hours. Maybe 3 or 4.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

LT- I think he would do it for another client as quick as he would set up something for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

LT—I don’t see any indication this is special treatment. I think you should worry about your life, not his, as that’s why you’re in therapy, and if the session helps meet your needs, take it.

I think you're both right. I think I was just thrown off by his saying "I'm not scheduling any other appointments that day." But I imagine if a crisis or something came up, he'd fit someone in. And I do need to worry about my own life and well-being. And trust him to take care of his own. I think my main concern would be if he was in an OK place to do therapy with me, like would he be affected by the funeral and not totally "there"? But then, any number of things in his life could distract him at any given time--a restless night, a fight with his wife that morning, eating some bad sushi, anything. If he'd just said "I'm not sure of my schedule Thursday, I can let you know Wednesday" without mentioning the funeral, I'd have had no idea.

Jersey 4 · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I think you're both right. I think I was just thrown off by his saying "I'm not scheduling any other appointments that day." But I imagine if a crisis or something came up, he'd fit someone in. And I do need to worry about my own life and well-being. And trust him to take care of his own. I think my main concern would be if he was in an OK place to do therapy with me, like would he be affected by the funeral and not totally "there"? But then, any number of things in his life could distract him at any given time--a restless night, a fight with his wife that morning, eating some bad sushi, anything. If he'd just said "I'm not sure of my schedule Thursday, I can let you know Wednesday" without mentioning the funeral, I'd have had no idea.

Regardless of whose funeral it is..or a fight, or bad sushi, a sick kid that kept him up all night-sometimes people just feel better burying themselves in their work. I do believe in a true crisis with another client he would’ve fit them in.

EX T was leaving town at one time to go to her father’s funeral and she saw clients that day up until the time it was time for her to leave to go to the airport.

atisketatasket · Jun 17, 2019 at 05:58 PM

Or, maybe the viewing is at 10, the funeral is at 11, the burial is at 1, and the funeral lunch is at 2 and won’t end till 4. Then he’ll be in rush hour traffic till 5:30 and might as well go home. Something like that.

Jun 17, 2019 at 05:59 PM

Just realised I woke up having a panic attack which caused my weakness. I did go to be feeling bad about my recent contact with exT but these things, issues questions belong to him no other T could answer them.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Just realised I woke up having a panic attack which caused my weakness. I did go to be feeling bad about my recent contact with exT but these things, issues questions belong to him no other T could answer them.

Ugh, I've woken up that way before--it sucks. The times it's happened, I thought was possibly low blood sugar, but was never sure (I'm not diabetic or anything).

LonesomeTonight · Jun 17, 2019 at 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Or, maybe the viewing is at 10, the funeral is at 11, the burial is at 1, and the funeral lunch is at 2 and won’t end till 4. Then he’ll be in rush hour traffic till 5:30 and might as well go home. Something like that.

True, though he said he didn't know timing yet. But yeah, maybe he knows he might have time for one or two clients, and I was the first to ask.

atisketatasket · Jun 17, 2019 at 06:22 PM

I think I might try making gf pizza tonight. I have the shells (I’ll graduate to my own dough if this works out), the sauce, the cheese...it’s probably not as easy as that.

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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 17, 2019 at 04:36 PM #321 I woke this morning feeling incredibly weak. Even cleaning the litter box nearly did me in. I have the house inspection this morning and one of the cats is being extra enthusiastic and I have litter on the other side of the bathroom. I also had a bad dream about exT.

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,162 5 1,170 hugs given	Jun 17, 2019 at 04:46 PM #324 I left work at 12 noon, came home and slept. I could just not do a full day today. I was so exhausted literally to the point that I felt like I couldn’t stand on my own 2 feet. I slept a few hours this afternoon and feel better.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,147 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Jun 17, 2019 at 05:38 PM #331 LT—I don’t see any indication this is special treatment. I think you should worry about your life, not his, as that’s why you’re in therapy, and if the session helps meet your needs, take it. __________________ The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.—Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,162 5 1,170 hugs given	Jun 17, 2019 at 05:43 PM #332 LT- I think he would do it for another client as quick as he would set up something for you.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,147 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Jun 17, 2019 at 05:58 PM #336 Or, maybe the viewing is at 10, the funeral is at 11, the burial is at 1, and the funeral lunch is at 2 and won’t end till 4. Then he’ll be in rush hour traffic till 5:30 and might as well go home. Something like that.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 17, 2019 at 05:59 PM #337 Just realised I woke up having a panic attack which caused my weakness. I did go to be feeling bad about my recent contact with exT but these things, issues questions belong to him no other T could answer them.

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,147 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Jun 17, 2019 at 06:22 PM #340 I think I might try making gf pizza tonight. I have the shells (I’ll graduate to my own dough if this works out), the sauce, the cheese...it’s probably not as easy as that.