Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

I've had such intense distress/attachment issues toward my therapist lately, and today it seems to have lessened. And it feels like something is wrong. Almost something is missing. Where is my pain? Where is my obsessively writing my T answers and getting reassuring answers? Where is my bending my mind every which way thinking it will solve the problem? That is what I am used to.

Now it is just like: cue the crickets. It could be majorly calming. But instead, it's where is the noiseI? although I am okay with it (but not great) I've even had the thought that I should text T to see if we are alright. I know we are. So what purpose would it serve outside of maybe annoying him,, but (he says) it doesn't bother him.

I find all of this obsessive worry, did I say that, did it mean that, and all sorts of questions like that to be curious. What purpose does this serve? If the T does not respond it can cause a lot of pain (in some). I dunno. Just thinking about thinking I suppose. I post in other places, not a psychology one, and this forum seems to be quite an intense microcosm of people. (including myself)
who struggle with this issue specifically. No judgment here, just writing. I do miss hearing from him. Though.

Because I'm doing my economics homework: the rise in the supply of therapists creates a greater demand in, ah, let's say a certain segment of the population for more garlic and silver bullets, thus causing both the supply and demand curves to shift to the right, raising prices of silver bullets and garlic per therapist capita.

(Presuming, of course, that this economy only produces garlic and silver bullets.)

Ok, before I put this out there... I am not looking to hear that my T is unprofessional or crazy or anything, I know why he is doing it and there is therapeutic value...

Today T had me set up the therapy space however I wanted we could sit on the floor or in chairs, I could bring over the representations of my supports or not... but I had to create the therapeutic space. I told him several times he was being a s*t because he put the chairs in a way that I couldn’t have sat through a session with them that way I HAD to move them. Then he made sure that the things I use to represent my supports were behind, under or around other things so that I HAD to touch things in his office. I HATE touching his things so I told him he was being a s*t again... but I did it, I was finally able to take the lead in session and he was SO proud. So we sat down and talked about the autism. He said he does see it but it is very limited in its impact to me and he still thinks I deserve the best life possible and he wants to be the one to help me get there. So... we were talking and T is moving around trying to get comfortable, he informs me he is stiff from working out this morning and he is going to grab a pillow and lay down... so he does! He laid there on his side listening and reflecting back... then rolled onto his back and did some stretches... and got called a s*t again. I am very stiff in session and rarely move from what ever position I first sit in. I know he is trying to get me to move and feel more comfortable in myself... but damn he looks silly!!! I laughed and laughed so hard!

Assuming the garlic and silver bullets have the desired effects, I expect that the spike in therapist supply will be only temporary. (Much to the relief of the certain segment.)

Omers, your therapist reminds me of the dinner where I met my first parents-in-law for the very first time. I was dreadfully nervous and freezing up. So, to get me to relax, the mother-in-law-to-be lay down on her back on their huge ottoman, facing me sitting in a corner of the sofa, with her legs spread. She was wearing a dress.

It did not relax me.

I have a sort of dilemma. A few years ago, I used to see this one hair stylist to cut and color my hair. She ended up having issues physically so she ended up doing like clerical things and things for the owner. So, last year I tried this new girl in the same shop since my usual one wasn't cutting hair.

So, this year, I asked for the girl I had last year and my old hair stylist answered me and scheduled me for the appointment. The thing is, the first hair stylist was great, I really liked her. But the second one I had, my hair turned out perfectly. The perfect color and cut. So, I am going to see her. Well, should I call my T and ask (just kidding). I am a little nervous. Hopefully it will go well.

Exactly! And so the long-run aggregate supply curve will remain in its upright position, which is what's supposed to happen.

Wait, what? Why would that relax you?

They were old Manhattan intellectuals, i.e., out of touch and unempathic. It was exactly the sort of thing they would do.

I can't imagine the therapist laying on the floor doing stretches. The person I imagine as Info I can imagine doing some sort of 80s-era aerobics type routine.

She does do Jazzercise.

OMG... No skirts promise!!! he wasn’t inappropriate in any way just trying to show that it is ok to move around and be comfortable. He has mentioned a long time ago that I could use a weighted blanket he had in his office for clients but he wasn’t sure how comfortable I would be because I would have to lay down. I admitted that the idea of laying down with him in the room intrigued me as it would be very submissive and would challenge my level of trust... so he knows I am tempted.

He does a lot of experiential therapy and leads group psychodrama... so he can be pretty unconventional.

Oh, I also found out today that T and his wife are friends with one of my neighbors and go to their house... I don’t really know the couple that T knows (although we do neighborly waves and such) but the parents of the guy T is friend with live in the house across from my horses. When T’s friend is out of town H and I help keep an eye out for his elderly (mid 80’s-early 90’s) parents. T was kinda surprized that it didn’t phase me at all that he now knows exactly where I live and is at least occasionally in my neighborhood... basically across the street from me.

I was just out in my backyard with my camera & tripod waiting for the moon to come around high enough to photograph, but then I started playing around with photographing Jupiter instead and after quite a bit of patient effort and many deleted pics, I got a freakin' awesome shot of Jupiter and her 4 biggest moons! I am so stoked. PC isn't letting me upload the pic for some reason keeps giving me an error. I'll try again tomorrow. I was so excited I emailed it to my astronomy prof from last semester haha!

Stupid panic attack I was going back to my car from shopping and I got trembly I could hardly walk and I am driving home trying not hyperventilate and make things worse and now I am just shaking on the bed. I feel my exT should now how things affect people but it sounds like he is packing up anyway. I spent 9 years making sure it was safe to open up and then when I decide to he takes my words and turns them and makes my world unsafe again.

Aaa Nd I tried to call him again, why do I see the need to torture myself like this. Guilt anger action sadness guilt endless cycle

I have eaten half a family pack of jelly snakes I feel sick but I am still eating

@ArtieSwimsOn - That's blooming awesome...can't wait to see it.
@Omers - that sounds like a great session, although undoubtedly hard. 'Do you need me to move?' is R' s way of asking me to ask, I think.

I agree. If R offered me a session I would trust that he felt he was okay to handle the session.

I passed Derm with an A grade.

Just two more exams to go. Neuro is in july and I'll take radio in august.

I want to watch the movie Aladdin but the evening screening for today is at 8.40pm.Too late for me .Tomorrow maybe then.