Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

I wasn’t able to get any work booked for today. Oh well. I guess the house can use a cleaning. I’m booked the rest of the week with varying hours. This is going to be life for the next 6 weeks or so.

Take some time for Jersey. You deserve it.

Morning couchies.

I saw T yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks. I also cancelled a bunch of sessions upcoming because I cant afford both t. She didnt even ask why

No, he had someone right after me. I got to his office at about 1:30 (there is a nice park across the street or I sit in my car and chill) and he went a little bit over with me so it wasn’t too short. Most importantly we got to work through last weeks problems and learn how each of us handles those things. He felt horrible and blindsided as I had left the session OK. We also spent time asking eachother to clarify random things we weren’t sure we understood and share our perceptions on how therapy was going. He apologized for not warning me that the waiting room was going to be very different (his wife bought new furniture so a bunch of furniture from their house came to the office).

Most importantly though he cares, he cares a lot. He was really upset about me being hurt/triggered by what I thought he said (we came to the conclusion together that he more than likely said it as a reflection or rhetorical question related to another relationship I was talking about and I missed the inflection in his voice). Unlike other therapists I have worked with his concern was 100% about my pain. He didn’t want to be the cause of pain, accidentally or not. He was very afraid that I didn’t show because of that and I would be stuck in that pain and the pain of loosing him... it was all a very emphatic, genuine “I don’t want you to hurt”. Unlike the last T who was always worried I would bash her professionally if anything went wrong, the one before her that was oblivious to rupture, the one before that who intentionally created ruptures and would not allow us to fix them, or first T who I was in a constant rupture with for two and a half years.

Sorry your session was shorter, but sounds like you were able to work through quite a bit in that time, Omers. Sounds like your T is one of the good ones.

I was thinking the same thing as LT, Omers seems like one of the good ones! Hugs.

I asked someone yesterday if they wanted to go out to get fries from our fav burger bar today. They texted in the morning with a yes at 11am asking when I wanted to go, but when I messaged back to confirm timings they haven't responded and it's actually close to 5.30pm. Can I just turn my phone off now after waiting the whole day for them to get back to me?

I agree!

I’m sorry they didn’t respond. I hate it when that happens. You can still go get the fries and enjoy them. Do they have takeout? You can bring the fries home and eat them in peace.

I’m hungry. Now think about it for a minute Jersey. Are you really hungry? Probably not.

Yes, my T is definitely one of the good ones. I am sure he isn’t right for everyone but there are so many times I read about T’s on here and wish I could loan the person my T so they could know something different/healthier (IMO).

Sorry Lemoncake... planning is the most anxiety producing part of socializing for me.

Oh, and I got my usual end of session hug with T. I could feel that last bit of uncertainty about if we were OK or not leave him as I moved into his arms, relaxed and took a deep breath.

This is exactly why I find hugs at the end of session important. It lets you feel the other person's emotions and tells you whether everything is okay or not.

Me too, Scarlet.

that's interesting that people feel reassured by hugs. I have been in situations where things were definitely not ok but there was still touch. I wonder now if the other person felt I was ok.

T is concerned that I would feel pressured to hug him even if things were not OK because it is ritual. I know for sure he would feel it.

I remember another service provider that I had hugged in the past though that knew I was scared and upset one day so insisted on a hug to calm me down. I said no and rather than accepting the no he insisted. He had no clue that I felt very violated by that hug... until his supervisor got phone calls from me and four others connected to me.

If I ever turned down a hug from T at the end of session he would absolutely honor it but would also check in with me to see if I was OK.

T can also feel the difference in an “I’m uncomfortable” hug and a “I am still really unsettled from session” hug. If it is the latter and his next client is not waiting he will ask (while still hugging) if it is OK to hug a little longer today.

He is pretty damn awesome

Just put on a batch of red lentil chili, I hadn't made it since before I got sick! I've been missing the deliciousness. It will be mine again in about 15 minutes! Yum!

My T doesn't hug, but I tend to feel oddly reassured by the handshake at the end. It's a very warm handshake, more like a hand squeeze almost. And he usually smiles and makes good eye contact then, while wishing me well in some way. And sometimes reassures me if I'm seeming upset or insecure.

Turns out questioning this in my head and aloud here helped. I was NOT hungry. I distracted myself by going to Kohl's and just looking around. Despite the fact that there was a burger joint right under my nose while I was at the store-the smell didn’t bother me. I couldn’t buy anything at the store. (Not spending any money unnecessarily) but not sitting here helped. (I would have ate even though I was not hungry because I thought I was)