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Merope
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 04:09 AM
  #1
The therapist or the client? Or both?

I’m asking in the context of it going really well. Of course, I know it’s different when there are boundary violations, lack of progress, transference issues that can’t be worked, therapist or clients needing to move, personal issues that mean the therapist can’t offer support etc.

In a best case scenario, is it a natural conclusion that both parties agree on? Or is it the therapist’s unilateral decision?

I’m asking because whenever therapy goes well, I worry that he’ll end it. And I don’t mean “well” in terms of tremendous progress, just in terms of the relationship feeling open and natural and me feeling like I can tell him anything.

I have spoken to him about it, but I’m also curious about what you guys think. I’m so scared of losing him.

Sorry, I know I posted about this before, I think I’m just giving in to the anxiety. It’s not a great day today.

Also, I’ve been with him for almost two years and I’m worried he thinks I’m taking too long

Last edited by Merope; Jun 14, 2019 at 04:29 AM..
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 05:56 AM
  #2
You say you've spoken to your therapist about it. What did your therapist say? That is the person you need to really listen to. Nothing we say here really has any direct relevance to YOUR therapy with YOUR therapist. If your therapist has reassured you, trust that if your therapist has shown to be honest and straight with you.

I think it is a fairly frequent theme that clients worry that if they are doing well, their therapist will suddenly decide they don't need to be in therapy. Some clients, in fact, will start doing worse at times as a way of insuring that their therapist won't see fit to stop their therapy as has been discussed on this forum a few times.

Therapy is a lot of ups and downs. There is a difference between those ups and downs and reaching a place of readiness to end therapy. Good therapists know that.

I've never had a therapist make that decision for me. I've also never had a therapist who tried to keep me in therapy indefinitely. In fact, my last therapist very directly told me many times that the goal was that I would not need therapy forever. But he didn't push me out. He followed my lead.

I did reach a place where I was ready to stop therapy, but it was at about year 8 before I even started thinking I was ready (so 2 years isn't really all that long). My therapist and I saw it coming for a while actually before I finally made the decision to stop going. We discussed spacing out my sessions as a transition out of therapy. What was interesting was that I did try that once, maybe twice, and then I simply stopped going rather unannounced and without fanfare. I didn't even call him to tell him I wasn't coming back; I just stopped when I was ready. He never questioned it. He never called out of curiosity about if I was coming back. He knew I had made the decision for me and was fully supportive of that decision by simply letting it be the end, and it was completely non-traumatic because it was fully my decision and I was ready.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 07:07 AM
  #3
I think the best case scenario is if it is mutual and there is a natural conclusion but I personally think either can also fairly decide to end unilaterally. If a T does that, I would certainly expect and explanation but I think it is fine for a client to just leave and not discuss it.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 08:22 AM
  #4
I did. I decided and I left. For me, it was not a democracy. The therapist got no vote as they had no stake in my life.

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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 09:58 AM
  #5
My therapist has assured me that I will know when it’s time to be done.

And she’s right. I am not done, but my goals and work in therapy have shifted, and I can see that I will be ready to shift out of therapy as I work through some last bits and bobs. She’s stuck with me for a while longer, but (the key, I think) I feel ready for that and trust that I will know when the time comes.

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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 10:17 AM
  #6
In a best-case scenario, it is a joint decision and a natural conclusion.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 12:11 PM
  #7
I think that it is a process started by the client but that the final decision is a mutual agreement...at least that is what I hope the end of therapy looks like for me.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 12:33 PM
  #8
What is the point of the therapist being involved in whether you keep hiring them or not? I truly don't see why that would be of use.

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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 03:18 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
What is the point of the therapist being involved in whether you keep hiring them or not? I truly don't see why that would be of use.
I agree with this basically. Whether you stay in therapy or not is ultimately the client's decision. I do think IF there is a good mutual dialogue the topic is certainly one that can be up for discussion and contemplation perhaps, but I don't think the final decision is or should be "mutual." In a perfect world, yes, theoretically I guess both therapist and client would be on the same page, but I don't think that is a requirement.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 06:21 PM
  #10
I think therapists have different philosophies on this. Some think it is unethical to see you if you are no longer making “progress.” This can be either because you are in a good place or a bad place. Other Ts think that as long as the client feels they are benefitting, they can continue to come.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 07:42 PM
  #11
In my experience, when the therapist believes it's their place to make decisions for the client, you have a fundamentally unhealthy relationship.
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 12:31 AM
  #12
I was recommended to have one termination session after I wanted to to terminate.I think the termination session was a good idea.
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Default Jun 15, 2019 at 11:33 AM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
What is the point of the therapist being involved in whether you keep hiring them or not? I truly don't see why that would be of use.
I know that not everyone agrees with this view, but for me therapy is about the relationship. I have worked through things and talked about issues that I could never have faced if there wasn't a relationship between me and my T. Granted, at times that relationship is downright painful, but we work through that together too. It has helped me grow and I have come a very long way in the time that I have been going to therapy so when the time comes to end it, I do want it to be a mutual agreement. I know that it is ultimately my choice to stay or go but I think it would mean a lot to me if T felt that I was ready too. I think it's not really about allowing them to make the decision, but more wanting validation that you're ready to move on without them.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 06:48 PM
  #14
I like the idea of ending therapy mutually, but I know that in the end it's my decision.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 03:13 AM
  #15
I feel it’s my decision only. I think there will always be more I could work on in therapy, but I will choose to stop when I want to.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 07:40 AM
  #16
Thank you all—this is all very reassuring.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 08:36 AM
  #17
I hope it is up to me when it's time to end therapy
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