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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 41
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#1
Hi there.
I’ve been seeing my psychologist for 3 years. I’ve been through the roller coaster being attracted to him, thinking about him etc never having or needing to deal with it. But im over that point. I reflect on my therapy and he’s always been against my boyfriend. When I got back with him I felt he was irritated and assumed or spoke as though we probably would have a long drawn break up. He’s said it’s unethical to say what he thinks of my boyfriend. This time when recounting my past he said that I was thinking of breaking up, that I did break up with a bit of encouragement from him. My friends hate him and thinks he’s a manipulator and the objective was to get rid of my boyfriend as it was always the path to go down and he always had strong opinions of my boyfriend that he let me know. Why would he say this? So carefree |
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88Butterfly88, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#2
What do you think your therapist's motives were for encouraging your break up? Do you regret breaking up with your boyfriend?
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unaluna
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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 41
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#3
I don’t regret it. We got back together.
I can’t figure out a motive. But I can’t understand why he hates him. Or at least lets me know what his opinion of him is. It felt like I had to answer to him and admit I was seeing my ex - I felt a bit of judgement when telling him. I told him I was seeing my ex again and he said he knew. Is it normal for a psychologist to admit he encouraged me to break up? Or to assume from the beginning we went out again we would inevitably break up? I sometimes feel like I’d be left just talking to him. And he knows it. |
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88Butterfly88
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
Posts: 1,805
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#4
Most therapists measure their success with us by our improvements in our worlds outside of therapy. Does your therapist view your BF as not bringing out the best in you in some way, or exacerbating problems you attend theraoy to tackle? Or do you think your therapist is possessive of you and shares your attractions?
__________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
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LonesomeTonight
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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 41
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#5
As much as my old self would love the idea that he shares my attraction I don’t know or I don’t think so. I do feel there’s a bit of control or possession.
It’s like he think my boyfriend hasn’t grown up. And has said it. It’s a reoccurring thing and I get that I bring it to the session and it is part of the reason I’m there. It’s just, when I first told him I was seeing my bf it was 5 months of not seeing the psychologist . I just never returned. And I could feel irritation and judgement. And from the get go it was him assuming it would be the same Slow break up as last time I’ve necer told him I found him attractive, I’ve been the perfect patient, I don’t think it’s ever shown and he’s always said I was hard to read. So I don’t think it’s even a thing. I guess I’m irritated because when I did break up with my bf I felt like I owed it to my psychologist , that I followed through on what he suggested or recommended subtly. Then I was alone for a year and seeing him. I’m angry because I feel like he can just casually say these things As if they have no weight |
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88Butterfly88, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
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Bill3, SalingerEsme
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#6
What kinds of issues did you have with your boyfriend that your therapist would encourage you to break up with him?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Middlemarcher
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Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
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#7
I had the opposite problem earlier this year, I wanted to break up with my girlfriend but old t tried to keep us together. My girlfriend ended up breaking up with me and I was relieved. Honestly I don't think who we date is anyone's business unless someone is in an abusive relationship in which case they need to get out. Was your boyfriend worsening your mental health at all?
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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 41
7 3 hugs
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#8
My boyfriend had his own issues and sometimes they made my issues worst.
Before the breakup my boyfriend smoked a lot of weed and wouldn’t go to work. I wasn’t in the best state of mind. My psychologist was just really critical too. But I also see that it may have been getting me away from him for my well being. It was when we got back together, from the first session, I felt like he was predicting that it was only a matter of time we would break up. And I guess the irritation from him comes from the fact I went back. I think it’s just his confidence that I listened to him that irritates me. Whether he outright was encouraging a breakup or not that was what was irritating. It was like he would be critical of my bf, talk about guys who were nice guys including him, I break up and I’m alone chatting to him - I guess I’m frustrated by me hahaha I’ve figured it out |
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