Feeling Rejected By My Past Therapist

I’m feeling really depressed right now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I send my past therapist the bimonthly email that I send her to say how I am doing. The June email was a difficult one because I asked her if I could see her for a check in session for me to say how I’ve been doing this past 8 months and to talk in more detail about it (our last session was 8 months ago). I was feeling nervous before I sent the email because I feared rejection. At first I thought I was just jumping into conclusions so I calmed down a bit. I sent the email yesterday.

I got her response this morning. She rejected me and doesn’t want to see me. She said that going would not be beneficial for me because I said in a previous email that things are going well with my current therapist. Seriously, I just want to talk to her about how I’ve been doing. I don’t get how that could be adverse for me. My fears of rejection sadly came true. When I asked for a check in session, I felt like I was asking for a big favor and or asking for too much. I really wanted to see her because I miss talking with her. I miss her so much. In that email I also mentioned the things I’ve done in the past 2 months. She was positive towards those things but I feel like that positivity of hers is fake. I feel like she just wants to keep me at arm’s length. I understand that therapeutical relationships are different than other types of relationships but I am still very hurt by this.

I feel like my past therapist is taking our connection and the 3 years that we worked together for granted. She knows I am sensitive to rejection. It’s obvious to me that I can easily be pushed aside if I didn’t know that already. This is making me feel really lonely because I do not have any other meaningful relationships or connections. I do not have any friends either. The only relationships/connections I have are my current and past therapists. Things are not looking good for me. My life is very depressing and dire at the moment. I was hoping that having this check in session would at some positivity for me but with this rejection this has made life worse and close to unbearable. I am glad I have my therapy session this Saturday with my current therapist. I don’t know if I should respond to my past therapist’s reply. I am not going to try to convince her to have this session since she obviously doesn’t want to see me. I am very hesitant in continuing emailing her the bimonthly email. I bet that if I were to forget to email her in August on purpose she would not even notice. Like all the other negative things in life that have happened to me, I am just left wondering how I am going to pick myself from this.

I’m really sorry you feel depressed and rejected by your previous therapist. It sounds like you two had a great connection for several years that continued past your time in therapy. Could there possibly be any other interpretations besides she is being fake and doesn’t want to see you? From my perspective, exchanging emails with a former client for free after therapy has ended doesn’t sound fake. It sounds like she actually cares. Maybe she would actually love to see you, but she can’t because it would step on the toes of your current therapist? Or she would love to see you but is trying to protect you from a situation of potentially unhealthy attachment because she wants the best for you? Maybe something else?

It's easy to understand how you feel personally rejected, but I really think that you are not being rejected. As Meow said, she has chosen to keep in touch with you, and she has no obligation to do so. I'm quite sure that her training has taught her that it is unethical to in any way "treat" you when you have a current T. She also doesn't want to do anything that might serve to undermine your alliance with your current T--that would not be in your best interest and would be unprofessional. The most neutral (safe) boundary is to stay in touch, but not to escalate your relationship with her. This isn't a reflection of your past relationship at all--it's about the limits of your relationship in the present and going forward.

Initially I felt very sad then angry but I have calmed down a bit. Looking back at it, I don’t think she’s being fake anymore. She responds every time I send her my bimonthly email. My current therapist is ok if I would have had that check in session because we talked about it. He even helped write word for word how to ask for a check in session. I can see how it can be seen as trying to escalate the relationship even if that isn’t my intention. She doesn’t have receive my bimonthly emails, I should feel grateful that she allows that. I had such an upset reaction mainly because my life is dire and struggling heavily at the moment. As I mentioned, I saw this check in session as a way for me to add some positivity to my life. It doesn’t help that I don’t have any friends and find myself lonely always. It is probably one of these instances where I initially react dramatic and I need time to calm down. I still feel kind of upset but I want to try to clear that up when I see my current therapist on Saturday.