Self harm in session

Louella · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:07 AM

Possible trigger:

So, yeah I accidentally self harmed in my last session.

I don’t actually know if that still makes it self harm? I do self harm occasionally in private and in a place nobody would see. I have yet to tell the person I’m seeing about this because I’m not sure how to bring it up and I fear the judgement around it.

Anyway, I’m always really anxious in session and spend most of the time playing with my hands/clothing, this is subconsciously but I catch myself doing it and try to stop.

I found last session pretty difficult anxiety/emotion wise. After the session when I got home and got changed for bed that evening I noticed a weird bruise at the top of my thigh and wondered where it had come from. Then I vaguely remember catching myself pinching the top of my thigh in session which I thought I had stopped when I noticed it but clearly not as the bruising was quite bad.

Obviously this isn’t something I want to do in session and I think it’s purely down to nerves and trying to stop myself feeling spaced out etc. I don’t want it to subconsciously become a thing or something my therapist would notice either so I’m really anxious about my next appointment.

Has anyone else ever done anything similar and do you have any advice on things to do so I can stop it happening again.

Omers · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:14 AM

I doubt my T would have not noticed but I can see a lot of T’s missing it. My T would absolutely want to know because for him it would mean he allowed the session to get too intense and needed to be more gentle. My T knows that I struggle with urges to SH, sometimes very strong urges, but I have not followed through. He finds it helpful to know even when I just have the urges even if I never act on them.

Amyjay · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:17 AM

Yes, I've done it before. What has helped me is whenever I become aware of it in session I just tell T... I say.. .I've just realized I'm __________ myself. Then my T and I talk about it. My T usually frames it in terms of how that behavior helps me, and I remember one time it was doing it I was able to realize that the pain was helping me avoid a thing we were trying to talk about. It was also making me dissociate... another way to prevent myself from feeling emotional pain.
So for me it was useful... just to take time out to think about what purpose the behavior was serving (in my case usually anxiety about a topic and a way to avoid said topic). Now T and I see it as a clue to let us know that we are digging too deep too fast. If it happens (not often, to be fair) we pull back from the triggering topic and return to grounding techniques to hep regulate and calm.
I would totally go for telling your T about it and not suffering with it alone. All behavior is a communication. SH is an important communication about things being too overwhelming and the need to slow down, focus on safety and calm, and then refocus.
No shame. It's a communication that deserves to be listened to.

LonesomeTonight · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:28 AM

With ex-T, sometimes when I was feeling really anxious in session, I'd pinch my hand or arm, enough to leave temporary marks (like they'd go away after a couple hours). It was mainly a way to try to distract myself from the panic, but still counts as SH, I imagine. It's interesting, even though I've been really anxious in session with current T, I haven't done that.

SalingerEsme · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:30 AM

Sessions can push the limits of psychic pain/ anxiety, and over time the room will feel less safe. I would tell your T, bc creating a safe space together is important for your healing. So sorry you were so stressed. I sometimes go weeks triggered by therapy itself, but other times therapy is a refuge. It’s so hard.

Merope · Jun 26, 2019 at 06:58 AM

I do this occasionally. If we discuss something that makes me feel anxious, I tend to dig my nails into my arm—enough to leave temporary marks. I don’t think my T noticed and I didn’t bring it up.

nottrustin · Jun 26, 2019 at 08:19 AM

It has only happened a couple of times with T. I would find myself really digging my nail in my arm. She never noticed because when discussing something really intense I often cross my arms. I never told her.

It has not happened with Emdr T. I suspect she would notice.

coolibrarian · Jun 26, 2019 at 09:10 AM

It's happened in the past, but I don't remember talking about it during the same session. I'm sure my T noticed; she doesn't miss much, especially since we've been working together for so long. I think in the "old days" I wouldn't have brought it up, but am more likely to in the past few years.

toomanycats · Jun 26, 2019 at 09:43 AM

When I self harmed in session, it was pretty epic.
It was when my ex-T told me he was moving away.
He wasn't watching me. I'd retreated to a corner of the room behind a chair, so he couldn't see me, and I hit my head against the concrete wall continually and bit myself.
I guess you could say I didn't handle the news well.

zoiecat · Jun 26, 2019 at 10:35 AM

I tend to pick and dig my fingers into my hands a lot in session. I do not call it SH but my T has called me out on it several times and asked me if I am digging my fingernails in etc.

I do other SH things at home that he knows about. He is big on SH of any kind and I have to fill out a diary card each weeks showing my level if urges or actual SH actions. If I do any kind during the week we have to spend at least two sessions doing a chain analysis on it. I hate thise so much that it is a huge deterrent for me.

Jun 26, 2019 at 10:37 AM

I used to. My therapist has had to come over and hold my hands in hers in several occasions.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jun 26, 2019 at 03:53 PM

I've self-harmed multiple times in session before.
Usually it's either pinching or scratching myself, sometimes I notice and sometimes I don't.
One time I got really upset and hit myself. T didn't comment on it, but after that session he did ask me to write about my experience of the session and I mentioned it there, he read all of it and knew enough about the other content that I'm sure he knew after if he hadn't already. But he never said anything about it.

SheHulk07 · Jun 26, 2019 at 04:23 PM

I twist my hands and fingers in sessions. There's been a few times when I was twisting them or bending them to the point of pain. My T has commented on it once when it was probably really noticeable.

Jun 27, 2019 at 05:44 AM

I've done self harm (digging my fingernails into my skin, breaking skin and leaving marks) in session. For me, it's deliberately done to induce pain to stop myself crying. If my T notices, she tells me firmly to stop hurting myself.

When I'm anxious, I do rub my skin raw but I don't consider that deliberate self harm.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jun 27, 2019 at 09:17 PM

I do this thing when I get really angry with myself where I hit myself in the head to the point of leaving bruises... I think that counts as self harm? Anyway, I have not done it in a session but I have come close and I am unsure how T would react to that...

arielawhile · Jun 28, 2019 at 08:16 AM

I sometimes get very fidgety in session, playing with jewelry, shredding tissue, etc. I have pinched my arms so hard that I've left marks to try and contain escalating panic in session. I guess I never thought of this as self-harm before...

Louella · Jun 29, 2019 at 02:12 PM

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to reply.

I’m not sure if I will bring it up or not to be honest. I might see how my next few appointments go and decide from there as there are other things I want to talk about.

I think I was partly doing it to stay in the moment because not long before I noticed myself doing it I completely missed some of what my therapist had said which was embarrassing and I was finding it hard to stay focused. Hopefully my next appt will be better and it will be a non event.

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,739 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 06:28 AM #4 With ex-T, sometimes when I was feeling really anxious in session, I'd pinch my hand or arm, enough to leave temporary marks (like they'd go away after a couple hours). It was mainly a way to try to distract myself from the panic, but still counts as SH, I imagine. It's interesting, even though I've been really anxious in session with current T, I haven't done that.
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Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 06:58 AM #6 I do this occasionally. If we discuss something that makes me feel anxious, I tend to dig my nails into my arm—enough to leave temporary marks. I don’t think my T noticed and I didn’t bring it up.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 08:19 AM #7 It has only happened a couple of times with T. I would find myself really digging my nail in my arm. She never noticed because when discussing something really intense I often cross my arms. I never told her. It has not happened with Emdr T. I suspect she would notice. __________________
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coolibrarian Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,302 10 1,041 hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 09:10 AM #8 It's happened in the past, but I don't remember talking about it during the same session. I'm sure my T noticed; she doesn't miss much, especially since we've been working together for so long. I think in the "old days" I wouldn't have brought it up, but am more likely to in the past few years. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind. ;
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toomanycats Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,734 6 542 hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 09:43 AM #9 When I self harmed in session, it was pretty epic. It was when my ex-T told me he was moving away. He wasn't watching me. I'd retreated to a corner of the room behind a chair, so he couldn't see me, and I hit my head against the concrete wall continually and bit myself. I guess you could say I didn't handle the news well.
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 26, 2019 at 10:37 AM #11 I used to. My therapist has had to come over and hold my hands in hers in several occasions.
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SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	Jun 26, 2019 at 04:23 PM #13 I twist my hands and fingers in sessions. There's been a few times when I was twisting them or bending them to the point of pain. My T has commented on it once when it was probably really noticeable.
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Anonymous45127 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 27, 2019 at 05:44 AM #14 I've done self harm (digging my fingernails into my skin, breaking skin and leaving marks) in session. For me, it's deliberately done to induce pain to stop myself crying. If my T notices, she tells me firmly to stop hurting myself. When I'm anxious, I do rub my skin raw but I don't consider that deliberate self harm.
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jun 27, 2019 at 09:17 PM #15 I do this thing when I get really angry with myself where I hit myself in the head to the point of leaving bruises... I think that counts as self harm? Anyway, I have not done it in a session but I have come close and I am unsure how T would react to that...
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arielawhile Member Member Since May 2019 Location: east coast Posts: 28 4 25 hugs given	Jun 28, 2019 at 08:16 AM #16 I sometimes get very fidgety in session, playing with jewelry, shredding tissue, etc. I have pinched my arms so hard that I've left marks to try and contain escalating panic in session. I guess I never thought of this as self-harm before...
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