Couch 199: The Unennennium Couch

I have a very hard time with touch between abuse and autism/sensory stuff (I know that sounds crazy with how much I go on about apreciating touch from T but...). Working with a massage therapist has REALLY helped. I went through 2 others to get to the one I have now and while all my experiences were very good I wish I had been with current massage T all along. We have been working together about 10 years to get to where I am at now. She is totally OK with me staying fully clothed. She spends time with me at the beginning of each appointment to check in with where I am at. She absolutely respects my boundaries where ever they are on a given day even if that just means talking and a hug or no touch at all. She can work on just my hands if that is all I am OK with. We are to the point now where I am OK with her going most of the normal places she would work on. We have also learned though that I store a LOT of trauma memories in my stomach and lower back so she only goes there if it feels OK for both of us. Everyone I have worked with has experience with people with problems with touch and/or trauma and are very good (actually, usually better than most regular T’s I have worked with) at helping you ground and be OK again. Current massage T was even more than happy to help with requests like “I need help being OK if someone puts their hand on my shoulder” or “I need practice staying calm if someone moves too close to my personal space”. Just be up front and if they have a problem move on.
I did meet with one possible massage T that did not work for me at all. She was very rigid and formal and had to do things her way... but it was pretty easy to figure out it wouldn’t work from the initial phone call. I chose to meet her but didn’t let her touch me and never went back.

Why do I have to make things so complicated??? Right now all T wants from me is 1. Find some grounding/self care activities, 2. Relax and not keep trying to second guess everything he says but ask if I don’t understand, need clarification or don’t trust what he has said, 3. Try to keep my anxiety below a 5 on a 1-10 scale. Why do I have to keep trying to come up with ways to totally dive into the deep end of vulnerability with him when we both know I can’t do the dang doggy paddle with him yet alone fling myself into the deep end with wild undercurrents and riptides????

ETA: did it again, all T really wants is for me to feel safe and comfortable in session.

I always thought I would be a bit of a freak ringing and saying I want to get a massage but I don't like being touched. I will ring a few places and see what they say.

You just simplified things for the cheesemaker!

One apartment complex H and I lived in ended up being invested with roaches. Management tried to blame us and say that there was never an issue before we moved in, but we made them come out with an exterminator. The guy looked under the cabinet boards and it was disgusting, and told us that they were likely coming from underneath us and the whole building probably had them. We requested a transfer to a sister complex, and management didn't want to until H caught a roach and brought it into the office in a baggie. Then the let us move out without penalty to a whole different complex.

We finally got the letter that the CPS case was unfounded and discontinued. I'm relieved at that.
My oldest son threw a remote at my father's tv and broke it. He says it was an accident when he was bouncing around. Today I had to pick him up and carry him like a baby out of his summer therapy program while everyone, including the therapists watched.
Younger son is having an epic attitude tonight.
I'm ready to throw in the towel.

That's our concern. I'm also concerned they're going to inadvertently bring them into my house since they have to keep going over there to get ready for the exterminator. They wash their clothes and shower every time they come in from over there but I worry the bugs got in their cars off their clothes and even if they don't go to apartment, if they already got in the car, if they drive somewhere will they get on their clothes and come in my house? Yuck. Tomorrow all day parked in the sun will kill them I hope but tonite- they went out for ice cream so of course I am paranoid.

My area of the country had an outbreak a few years ago. It was a pretty big dill... People were bringing them home from taking public transportation.

Is 230 am an acceptable time to call your T? He keeps saying to call him and if he can he'll answer or get back to me. I just can't bring myself to call.

I called my ex-MC at 2 a.m. once. He answered on the second call and we talked for a few minutes. I apologized later for calling at that time, and he said it was OK. I know current T turns off his phone between like 10:30 p.m. and 7 a.m., so if I called him, he wouldn't answer, though I imagine he'd reply when he got up.

I think if your T said to call him anytime, it's OK to call. I'd check with him today (if you have session today) if that means you can call in the middle of the night if it's really urgent. I would imagine it would be helpful to know if he might answer or not.

Where I live is currently having an outbreak and H brought them home from work a little while back. I am totally creeped out by bugs so I caught them early. If you have any clutter now is the time to clean it out. Vacuum often, chainge bedding frequently looking for any signs. I dusted the house with diatomaceous earth. I put the little Co2 traps out everywhere to see where they were at... according to H I went a bit overboard and had clothes specifically for that room and changed after every time I was in there. We were fortunate in that it was caught early and there were very few so they were easy to get rid of... I still made H get me a totally new mattress once the ordeal was over.

Yeah. Art. You may want to put money out to have all your furniture cleaned after they leave then have a one time deal housekeeper come in to deep clean your whole house. I would also get all new bedding.

Also Art..I know it’s your son so you kind of had to let him stay, but I would have said “Hey I have a better idea. Let us pay for a hotel. You don’t want to stay here. Too cramp. See how much I love you, Son.”

Watch Dark. I want someone to talk about it.But I feel disappointed with it after waiting for it for so long. It does have a huh moment.

They're taking every precaution not to bring them here but I agree. The thought just... ugh. My son is so down it just breaks my heart seeing him like this and I can't fix it. The exterminator is scheduled for monday at their apartment. Then a follow up visit 2 weeks after that. I guess the bugs are really hard to get rid of. I'm just sick with worry about everything right now my son n his gf, my house maybe getting infested, my marriage, junk at work etc.... I'm going to be an emotional sobbing mess with L after work today.

We actually offered to do that. He said he really wanted to stay here so I just couldn't do anything else....

Agree. In that case, you couldn’t do anything else.

Well, one work problem solved! Just got done working with an IT guy who fixed my software issue so that's one less concern anyway!

I do see him in an hour thankfully. The few times I have called him he doesn't answer, but does call me back within an hour or texts me to say when he'll be able to call back and talk. But the latest I've ever called him was 6pm. He's texted me at 9pm last week asking to change times to call me. But that's still not in the middle of the night.
He's been pretty insistent this last week that if I felt like SH, that I need to call him or someone. So it is probably okay, I just couldn't do that. It felt like too much and I worry he'd be upset or I'd be wasting his time.
I'm already a mess this morning.

Ugh. My water and gas just got shut off because H decided to play the let’s hope they don’t get out here before pay day (tomorrow) game instead of asking me. I don’t “have” the money but he knows I do have an emergency credit card that is only for these things. Oh, and someone let one of our cats out, she ran into the middle of the road and froze with traffic buzzing by her until H could stop traffic and scoop her up (unharmed). Today is supposed to be my self care day.