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Slater
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 02:42 PM
  #1
Do you talk about sex related topics with your therapist?

Today, after some nudging from her, I finally admitted that the Prozac or whatever it is I'm taking killed my sex drive. I actually told her I couldn't get horny anymore. I used that word.

She was surprisingly (Okay, I figured she would be) gentle and understanding.

What about you? Do you feel safe talking about sex with your therapist?
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 03:04 PM
  #2
Safe? Yes. Comfortable? Getting there.

If your therapist wasn't okay with talking about it and gentle and understanding that would be concerning. I'm glad you were able to talk with her about it and that it went well!

All the discomfort in my convos with my T about the topic comes from me. We've had some pretty unorthodox conversations, though they haven't been particularly explicit, mostly due to my discomfort.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 05:20 PM
  #3
My T has said he wants me to be able to talk to him about anything and he did specifically mention if sexual feelings towards him came up it was OK and we could talk about t. But, a couple sessions ago we were talking about why I married H and I said that there was a LOT of lust but that H was the only man I have ever been around where I wasn’t shameful and feeling dirty about my sexuality. It kinda threw T for a loop. I am not sure if it was because he just wasn’t expecting it, didn’t think I would be so comfortable with it or if it was marrying, in part, out of lust... but I don’t seem to have a problem talking to him about sex. It should get interesting though because I am super open minded about sex/sexuality and people tend to think of me as more shy, quiet, traditional, or lord help us all... pure just because I have that innocent look and did not have consensual relations with anyone until I was married.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 05:23 PM
  #4
Safe certainly. Was a bit awkward at first but got better after two or three times.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 05:25 PM
  #5
I’ve had to talk about sex with therapists, because intimacy was the nature of my issue. I had no problem blurting it out matter of factly. They never had any reaction.

With this last one, I blurted out something really crude regarding something about someone else and the therapist laughed and joked about it. . I was a little shocked at the ease it flew out of my mouth TBH. I wasn’t upset with him for joking, it was funny.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #6
Yes. It is still a bit awkward but I feel safe talking about it with him. I struggle over what is acceptable and what isn't though. How much I can say without it being too much information, all that stuff. ALTHOUGH we recently had an in-depth talk about testicles and so I now am thinking that nothing is probably off limits and I have just been holding myself back on this topic. :P
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 06:20 PM
  #7
I know she is fine with I on the other hand talk around it. Sometimes they cant follow what I am trying to say and will ask for clarification. when I can't answer they start asking yes or no questions until we are on the same page

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 06:45 PM
  #8
We talk about it pretty frequently; sometimes I feel comfortable and sometimes I don’t. I always know that he’s safe though. It’s weird because with friends, I’m pretty open about sexual stuff, but with my t it’s like I can’t get the words out. A few weeks ago I had something to share with him relating to orgasms and I just couldn’t say the word, but he said it just fine lol.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 06:51 PM
  #9
With long term T.... Mostly yes. I had been hesitant to the first time and I wrote it all down and told him that I was just gonna quit lol.. but he read it and was like "that's common" and just the way he said it, was so calming and it just became easy. After that, we talked about lots of sexual topics without being an issue

With baby T, no. he would make me uncomfortable with his cocky and smily BS

With T3, well, I thought I would be because he specializes in it... but I found out this week that it was basically hell on earth LOL. I couldn't even look at him until he talked me through it to make eye contact, I still feel a bit unsure but to be fair, I've only see him about 6 times. So it isn't very trusting either yet.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 07:27 PM
  #10
Safe but not comfortable. We've rarely if ever directly discussed sex beyond a brief comment. With my first therapist, who was a woman, I could say almost anything because she was very open herself and would share about her own marriage. It felt pretty easy. With this current therapist, I feel like I am having to build myself up to talking about sex with him. It just feels awkward to tell him all these things when he's a guy and I'm a woman and we're about the same age. I'm not even sure what a conversation like that would look like, but I will find out eventually. It's a big issue for me and one of the reasons I'm in therapy.
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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 08:18 PM
  #11
Safe? I guess so. Maybe. Depends on the context. If we're talking about abuse with a sexual component, I am mostly ok, but sometimes I get paranoid and have this sort of delusion or something that she is going to laugh at me. She hasn't done anything to make me think she would do anything like that, it's just a deep-seated fear, I guess. Sometimes I have nightmares about it.

For consensual sex stuff, it's still kind of complicated because she doesn't approve of my choices in that area.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 08:37 PM
  #12
No, I do not talk about sex with my therapist. It’s not one of the reasons I’m in therapy anyway. So I leave the topic of sex off limits. It’s the one thing I choose to keep all to myself. Although it may not always be the case for me, it works for me for now.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 08:39 PM
  #13
Talking about sex is not difficult for me with anyone for the most part. There was not much reason for me to talk to the woman about sex, but it was not hard the couple of times it came up.

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Default Jun 28, 2019 at 09:43 PM
  #14
For sure I feel safe talking about it with him. And actually more and more comfortable talking to him about it as time goes on.

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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 03:22 AM
  #15
Safe yes but talking about sex isn't a priority, I have other more pressing issues to discuss. Also I'm not all that comfortable talking about sex in general, due to my upbringing.
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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 06:24 AM
  #16
Nope.

Not periods either.

It's not him though, just me- it brings up a lot of shame and i'm not there yet.

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Default Jun 29, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #17
Interesting question. I think there´s a clear division between talking about my own sexual issues and talking about sexual issues relating to transference.

My sexual issues also affects how I relate to a T. I don´t see a T at this very moment but I have at least touched the subject of sex when talking to former T:s. I would say it feels rather safe but I´ve also experienced that not all T:s have enough knowledge about sexual issues to really engage in such discussions.

I would probably not feel safe talking about erotic transference until I really knew a T could handle that I for example once in a while think about how her sex life is or that I during some stages in therapy find her attractive. For some T:s this unfortunately is seen as boundary crossing.

With a new T I could probably ask her rather early on if she knows how to handle erotic transference but I would feel that could also end our relationship.
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Default Jun 30, 2019 at 01:46 AM
  #18
Since it's one of the main issues going on, I talk to my T about sex a lot more than I talk to most people about it. I feel safer talking to him about it than anyone else because he normalizes the subject. It's still very uncomfortable to talk more than just surface level, factual things like how I feel about sex. T seems more comfortable talking about orgasms and things of that nature than I am.
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Default Jun 30, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #19
Safe yes, comfortable no. My T thinks sex is an "essential" topic which is important but not often talked about. I don't know if she's kink friendly, but I hope she is, because that would make me more comfortable. I find it easier to talk about sexual trauma than consensual sex or even my sexual difficulties.
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Default Jun 30, 2019 at 09:27 AM
  #20
Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
Safe? I guess so. Maybe. Depends on the context. If we're talking about abuse with a sexual component, I am mostly ok, but sometimes I get paranoid and have this sort of delusion or something that she is going to laugh at me. She hasn't done anything to make me think she would do anything like that, it's just a deep-seated fear, I guess. Sometimes I have nightmares about it.


For consensual sex stuff, it's still kind of complicated because she doesn't approve of my choices in that area.


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Gawd, of all people I thought a *therapist* would have some basic understanding of kink and how that differs from abuse. It's a simple google search and there's tons of research out there on how kinksters aren't psychologically disturbed. If I ever talked about my kink to my T,i hope she wouldn't jump in being all judgy like yours.
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