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Default Jul 03, 2019 at 09:05 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
. . . Therapists can and will use your vulnerability against you.
This was probably the very hardest thing for me to learn, the hard way.
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Default Jul 03, 2019 at 05:33 PM
  #22
Being a therapist doesn't make one a good person. Throw the assumption that the therapist is a good person out of the window and proceed accordingly and with caution.

Use extreme caution when dealing with therapists who make promises they can't keep. For example, do not trust a therapist who tells you they will always be there for you.

Do not allow a therapist to manipulate you into disclosures with false promises or by proclamations that they can be trusted. Trustworthy people don't go around informing others that they are trustworthy in order to gain confidences. And untrustworthy people certainly have no qualms over lying about their trustworthiness.

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Default Jul 03, 2019 at 07:18 PM
  #23
Be careful not to let everyone else's experiences in therapy cloud your own experience. Therapy is very individual. Trust you gut. No one is in the room experiencing your therapy but YOU to make decisions regarding the efficacy of your own therapy. Too much listening to other people's opinions can often lead to confusion, second guessing, and anxiety about things that just don't pertain to your own therapy; sometimes too much armchair quarterbacking ends up confusing your personal experience and your gut instinct about what YOU need.
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Default Jul 03, 2019 at 09:00 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by Gogu2 View Post
- The therapist won't be your friend.
They claim therapy is better than talking to a friend. No, it's worse. Therapists are fake friends who are plagued by delusions and who only talk to you because you pay them. And the relationship is completely dysfunctional... one-sided, walled off from the real world, distorted by clinical concepts and half-baked theories.

eta: The therapy relationship is also built on many false promises like: therapists are objective and non-judgmental, therapy is inherently safe, therapy is only about you, therapist training equals better relating.

Last edited by BudFox; Jul 03, 2019 at 09:12 PM..
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 07:03 AM
  #25
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Be careful not to let everyone else's experiences in therapy cloud your own experience. Therapy is very individual. Trust you gut. No one is in the room experiencing your therapy but YOU to make decisions regarding the efficacy of your own therapy. Too much listening to other people's opinions can often lead to confusion, second guessing, and anxiety about things that just don't pertain to your own therapy; sometimes too much armchair quarterbacking ends up confusing your personal experience and your gut instinct about what YOU need.
And if you go into therapy not connected to your gut. . .??? Trust your gut, but you're not connected to your gut. So you go to therapy for help with that, essentially, among other things, and don't realize what therapists and their "relationships " are doing to you until after years and years of wasted life and hope. Not to mention the dollars.
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 07:32 AM
  #26
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Originally Posted by here today View Post
And if you go into therapy not connected to your gut. . .??? Trust your gut, but you're not connected to your gut. So you go to therapy for help with that, essentially, among other things, and don't realize what therapists and their "relationships " are doing to you until after years and years of wasted life and hope. Not to mention the dollars.
I hear you.

For me, I have found that my gut instinct has always been there, but it didn't mean I always listened to it though. I spent a lot of time not listening to my gut instinct, and it was the times I didn't listen to it that life went most awry. Fortunately, my therapists helped me trust myself again and listen to that inner voice that truly has known what was right for me. I've also fortunately never had my time with therapists end up as wasted time. I'm sorry that has been your experience; that sounds very painful.
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 08:15 AM
  #27
Beware that when you find the right therapist and are ready to work hard and really look yourself in the eye, your life might change into something so much better.
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 08:29 AM
  #28
I would say to try not to idealize them. They likely suffered their own trauma and have their own diagnosis for which they see a PDOC and take medication. The same thing goes for their present life. Trust when I say..they are not the perfect parent or perfect spouse. Try not to think they go home at the end of the day to this perfect life free from problems. They don’t.

I would also say don’t let things fester. If the therapist annoys you or something they are doing is not working for you then go ahead and say what’s bothering you. You pay them!
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 10:43 AM
  #29
Main warnings I'd give...

Therapists answer to nobody.
Rules and boundaries protect therapists.
Attachment is a euphemism for dependency.
Your therapist might be disturbed, it's hard to know.
It's not safe to trust someone you know so little about.
People in a position of power tend to abuse that power.
Your therapist's caring is largely a performance.
Therapy is addictive.
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Default Jul 04, 2019 at 03:07 PM
  #30
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I hear you.

For me, I have found that my gut instinct has always been there, but it didn't mean I always listened to it though. I spent a lot of time not listening to my gut instinct, and it was the times I didn't listen to it that life went most awry. Fortunately, my therapists helped me trust myself again and listen to that inner voice that truly has known what was right for me. I've also fortunately never had my time with therapists end up as wasted time. I'm sorry that has been your experience; that sounds very painful.
Yes, my gut now says, run as completely as you can away from those people.

Does that mean that years and years of therapy "helped" me get in touch with my gut? No, I think it was some people posting in this forum with views about therapy that were contrary to what therapists said about themselves and their profession that started to clue me in. And the more I looked at that, the more it realistically matched my experience. The gut started waking up, despite the horror of realizing how much time and hope I had wasted on my previous view of therapy, which therapists had encouraged and exploited.
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 06:14 PM
  #31
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Therapy is addictive.
definitely was for me.

full of endless obsessive ruminations, self absorbence, and the promise of unfulfilled needs never being quite satisfied session after session that kept me coming back more....
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Default Jul 05, 2019 at 06:38 PM
  #32
One thing I would not understand without having tried therapy are the differences between old patterns and issues appearing and creating a mostly or totally irrelevant, parallel universe. It is often said that therapy will bring up latent issues and put our old emotional and behavioral patterns out there for T and client to analyze and understand. But, I think, it can just as often generate something artificial that can easily turn into a powerful distraction but has really no usefulness in the client's life as it only appears in therapy/in that particular interpersonal combo and specific to that situation. I definitely experienced that problem and it is not always easy to tell the difference initially, especially if a T keeps claiming that what shows up are the client's deeper, true problems. But it is easy to spend years, even decades, on "exploring" that parallel universe while real problems remain unresolved or even get worse. So, I think it is always a good idea to think about this critically and maybe seek consultation from peers or another professional if it is difficult to judge. I think places like this forum can be good for that and also talking with friends or others who know us well. Some T's claiming that's "acting out" is BS in my view and can become quite destructive in some cases.
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 04:25 PM
  #33
Check your wallet. While therapy can be incredibly useful, transformative even, do not put yourself into financial ruin because of therapy.

Stick to your financial plan. Seek a professional who works on a sliding scale if necessary, but think twice before you pay off a therapist's mortgage or put multiple children through college.

They are never going to say "I cannot in good conscience take your money." Nor are some of them above cheating insurance companies. There are good ones, expensive ones, good expensive ones, and bad expensive ones.
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 04:29 PM
  #34
Don’t go to therapy if your reason for it is trying to fight loneliness and wanting to have a friend.

Therapist isn’t there to be your romantic partner. If you develop sexual desire for your t (pr any professional providing services) or think you are in love with them, don’t expect them to reciprocate. It’s not what they are there for.
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 04:44 PM
  #35
If you think one of them is lonely and uses being a therapist to overtly help them with loneliness, or wants to have sex with you or wants to be your friend - run away as fast as you can. Those people are not above using clients for their own emotional needs

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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 05:18 PM
  #36
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If you think one of them is lonely and uses being a therapist to overtly help them with loneliness, or wants to have sex with you or wants to be your friend - run away as fast as you can. Those people are not above using clients for their own emotional needs

Likewise if a therapist encourages you to fear him, defer to him or idolize him as an authority or sham expert. (I question how a therapist can be legitimately "expert" at subjects so complex and varied as relationships, grief, etc.)
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 06:25 PM
  #37
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Therapists are quick to blame clients and reading here - so are other clients. Don't believe them. If therapy fails - it is on the profession or the therapist -not the client
I disagree a therapist cant make therapy successful or a failure. A therapists job is to help us and guide us, however unless it is an abusive situation, it is ultimately up to us.

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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 06:37 PM
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I disagree a therapist cant make therapy successful or a failure. A therapists job is to help us and guide us, however unless it is an abusive situation, it is ultimately up to us.
That assumes a lot about the therapist, therapy, and if the client knows what is supposed to be going on.
I don't think the client is to blame when therapy fails = I think it is on therapy itself and the therapist.
So we will just have to agree to disagree.

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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 07:57 PM
  #39
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Therapist isn’t there to be your romantic partner. If you develop sexual desire for your t (pr any professional providing services) or think you are in love with them, don’t expect them to reciprocate. It’s not what they are there for.
The internet is filled with stories of therapists reciprocating. Or initiating.

There are also many stories of people caught up in humiliating unrequited fake therapy love.

Therapy is set up to provoke this s**t. Therapists are serial seducers (often subtle). It's convenient to blame the client for "getting the wrong idea".

It's a great profession for sexual predators. Emotional predators too.
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 08:24 PM
  #40
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That assumes a lot about the therapist, therapy, and if the client knows what is supposed to be going on.
I don't think the client is to blame when therapy fails = I think it is on therapy itself and the therapist.
So we will just have to agree to disagree.
Ultimately my success in life and therapy is up to me. i can choose to stay in a theraputic relation that is unhealthy and not working or I can choose to move on. Sure therapists have influence but ultimately it is up to me. When I felt stuck with T who I was still doing great work with and adored I still approached the subject of seeing a second T for the area I was stuck.

We can agree to disagree.

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